Husbands & Porno

Not all men do. That's exaggerated. I know plenty who think it's disgusting. In my opinion any is too much.

It's okay, kathsam, but it almost sounds as though hubby is beginning to substitute fantasy for reality. Not so good, but I don't have any advice to give, either.

Not all men watch porno and as Roger noted, it sounds like you husband has other problems. Perhaps he needs to talk to someone.

It's just another form of unfaithfulness!

kathsam

How do you know he does this every time you leave the house? Are you certain?

As a woman I have pretty obvious views on pornography , no need to go into that here .... However, it appears that many men think it's OK as "entertainment". Never understood that at all ...

For the same reason some men go to dog fights. Same lack of imagination.

Sometimes I think many men are on an entirely different planet .... Pornography & dog fights entertaining? Both are quite abhorrent, cruel & exploitative. But enough .... This is not the purpose of this thread.

First of all...it is not unfaithfulness.

Yes, it's bad if it becomes a substitue for your sex life. But, if you haven't already heard(if you live under a rock), men are very visually stimulated.

Men: attracted to physical attributes. Very visually attracted to women.

Women: attracted to traits that make them FEEL stimulated. Confidence, sense of humor, security. Not to say some women don't like porn...but what do most like as a fantasy aid? Romance novels, magazine articles about sex, ect.

So in conclusion, ALL men will look at other women, even if they won't cheat. And ALL women will overthink things. It's the way we're wired, why we get along so well, and fight so much at the same time. Deal with it.

I diagree, I think it is a form of unfaithfulness. Yes, men are attracted to women physically, but they don't have to act on it so despicably.

How is it unfaithfulness? It's fantasy, they're not engaging in anything with another person. Where do you draw the line? If you check out a well built, good looking guy on the beach, even just for a second, is that being unfaithful?

How do YOU define faithful? Obviously, abiding by your definition it is not. My personal opinion is that your definition is garbage. It seems to me that guys only justify it if they are unwilling to actually be faithful.

Anyway, to answer your question, I think being faithful to a companion involves consideration for their feelings. I'm basing my opinions on a relationship where the woman is opposed to such acts.

I don't know whether I'd call it unfaithful, but I'd draw the line when pornography becomes some sort of substitute for the sex/emotional closeness a man shares with his partner. It's a withdrawal, possibly into fantasy, but a withdrawal never the less ...

I think you should tell him your feelings Kathsam.

As far as the word "unfaithful" goes..... Men and Women are most likely going to always disagree on that definition. Most men will tell you that being unfaithful physically is not the same as being unfaithful mentally.

BUT......I think a man has a harder time forgiving an unfaithful woman because he knows that her "emotions" are involved most of the time. Where he can seperate sex and love ....for the most part women don't do that.

So most of you guys that think it's ok to fantasize to porn.....would feel just a "weeeee" bit threatened if your woman did it everytime you turned your back on her :wink:

Yeah, I know......you won't admit it though

Bottom line....it doesn't matter what anyone of us thinks. You should tell him your feelings. And if he loves you in the right way. He will respect you and not want to hurt you. That doesn't mean he will stop...or that he should stop completely. It means he should concentrate more on finding his pleasures with you in the bedroom and making you happy. Once that's done.....then I doubt his watching porn will matter as much to you.

Focus on the relationship, not on the actions of your husband.

Any couple needs to work out issues like this, and it is often difficult because a marriage involves two people with different standards, expectations and needs.

I would definately talk to your husband about this. But, I would express this as something that I need.

If you go to him and say "you are being unfaithful" I can assure you will get a very defensive response and an argument that solves nothing.

Instead, you can say "I feel uncomfortable with what you are doing and I am afraid that it is hurting our relationship. " Instead of attacking him express that you are uncomfortable and inviting a discussion that may lead to a solution.

I know that when my wife talks to me this way, it makes me want to address the issue that is bothering her.

It is best to work this out in a way that both you and your husband are comfortable. If necessary, marriage counseling is a good way to get help with communication which is often difficult with the emotions involved.

And, it may be their are deeper issues involved, either in your relationship or with your husband. But you shoud address the issues that affect you (as this clearly does).

Remember that it is the relationship that matters.

Best of luck

Faithful Shmaithful...Masturbating to porn isn't unfaithful.

But if his porn habit is negatively affecting your sex life it is selfish. And I think that when you get married you agree to restrain your selfishness to some degree to keep both parties happy. If you talk with him about it in a non-confrontational way it probably won't be a problem. Although I'm guessing cause it has gotten to the point that you're posting it in here you guys don't talk about these things so much. Go out on a date and have fun for a night - then talk about it the next day when you're both feeling good.

Scoates - what's despicable about a guy pleasuring himself? or a girl for that matter?

Brooke - I wouldn't care how much she was masturbating - as long as it wasn't negatively affecting our sex life. I would be willing to bet that in a lot of cases it would make a couples sex life better.

...my two cents

Hmm - latest research I read said we report no stimulation - but register it on objective measures.

I still find porn yeccchhhh, though.

Just try to be broad-minded and such....

I mean I try...not that you should necessarily...

I would agree that if it is interfering with your sex life, it could be a problem. It might be an addiction like any other. As for the average man jerking off to the occasional porn, I don't see that as unusual. I do think you need to talk to him. Personally, I'm not that turned on by porn, I find it boring, but I once dated a woman who loved it, so, no point in making generalizations about men, women and porn. Like others have already posted, it's the relationship that is paramount, not the habit, although that should be addressed.

It is perfectly normal for guys to watch porn and it is not disgusting unless you like taboo subjects (illegal material) or grew up in some strict religious household.
The problem may be that you are not sexually adventurous. Try new things in the bedroom and he may not watch porn again.