Fri 14 Dec, 2012 11:23 am
Hey everyone !
I've always hesitated about talking about this to anyone, but finally, I decided to do it (hoping anyone can relate or understand this).
I am a 19 years old guy. Simply, I like girls for their look (beautiful eyes, nice hair, good shape..) and their intellect, and I really wanna spend the rest of my life with an understanding woman and live happily with her and have children together, but I've never been in love with or dated one, neither I feel any urge to have sex with them.. and honestly, it feels literally DISGUSTING -the sex part- when I think about it (I know it sounds weird but this is the truth).
On the other hand, I like handsome guys and being around them, and more than that having sex with them (although I haven't had any sexual relationship so far with anyone). It drives me so much watching gay porn, unlike straight porn (which feels disgusting, again). Still, I can't imagine myself spending my life with a guy !!
Now when it comes to love, I'm almost sure that I haven't felt that for anybody.. Ever, which is driving me so crazy, that sometimes I feel that nobody else has ever experienced something like this (this whole -liking girls, wanting men for sex and not loving anyone- thing)...
So, if anyone knows what this whole thing means or can relate to any of this, please share your thoughts with others. Thanks to everyone in advance.
@just-a-guy,
Well, you're kinda young to be thinking about love, marriage and long-term commitment with
anybody, so don't sweat that part.
Note - I am female, I'm 50 and I'm married to a guy. Be that as it may, I can relate to being young, certainly.
And you should know that there is a spectrum of sexuality. You're probably not 100% one way or the other.
Things may change (although they may not). I suspect you're gay, but can't quite conceive of the "together forever" aspect of gay relationships. They do exist!
In the meantime, live your life. Spend time with people you like. Some will attract you. Some will not. You'll start sorting this out as you go.
@jespah,
Thanks for answering.
I believe you're right about the first part (love and stuff), and you seem like an expert when it comes to a matter like this so I'm not gonna argue. I'll try to do what you said and live my life as normally as possible.
@just-a-guy,
Oh gosh, I'm no expert.
But thank you. Be happy, okay?
@jespah,
I'll try as I said but it isn't easy unfortunately, because it's something I have to deal with daily.. especially when it comes to my friends (male ones), a lot of them are handsome and sexy and I can't help it, I feel really awkward staring at them and having devious -so to say- thoughts about me and them :/
Anyway, I should cut the crap.. thanks for everything
@just-a-guy,
Try not to focus on what is normal or acceptable (at least in your own mind). There is pressure from family upbringing to conform to a certain mainstream version of what is 'allowable' and what they think is right for you.
However, as you and your taste in partners matures and you get to know what makes your happy with a loving partner (regardless of gender), you'll learn how to accept yourself. I think that society's and your family's pressures are interfering with what might feel is ' right' for you.
While you may appreciate the beauty of the female form and the esthetics of women's blodies, your own sexual chemistry says males are what actually turns you on and causes you to fantasize.
Right now you may not see a lifetime of living with a male as your partner but that's because you have avoided ...and have so little experience with being in a loving rleationship. I assume your parents and your family upbringing have programmed your mind to have certain expectations of what is a 'safe' happy-ever-after lifestyle.
You may need to approach dating a bit more inclusively for a while until things sort out for you a bit more. Good luck and don't feel left out or the odd man out.
@Ragman,
You are absolutely right, it's like you're in my head O.o ! and to confirm what you said, I'm living somewhere where being gay is probably shameful, unacceptable and mainly a taboo.. but did you mean dating a girl ??
@just-a-guy,
What I mean is for you to date whomever you find interesting. You don't need to make whom you're seeing or dating a public issue. For sure, don't hide it, but don't broadcast it either.
I'm not sure at what point in my reply exactly you refer to.
@just-a-guy,
I'm going to sound a bit more negative than the others, but if you are attracted to men sexually, you could turn out to be a disaster for any woman who became attached to you.
Just a thought.
@Ragman,
I meant the last part of your reply, and you've just answered it so don't worry.. and yeah, I'll try to do that
@just-a-guy,
Good deal.
I echo what Roger wrote. If it does turn out that you really prefer guys, it could be a heartache for a girl who might want to get serious with you should you start to date. Go slow.
Be aware that people on A2K are unusual group..in that those who reply here for the most part are sincere in their advice.
We care about the advice we give and hope for the best for you.
@roger,
That's exactly what's stopping me from approaching girls, and you're being realistic not negative.. so thanks
@Ragman,
Well, people being sincere is a good thing after all, isn't it
and Thanks ^^
@just-a-guy,
If that does not function because your gay porn fetish gets back on you.... Try to grasp there are others identical to you out there who read what you wrote and grasped all of it at core, but kind of said 'eh?' at your notion that the one sex is wrong, but the other is right... when that's just plain reverse. I cannot believe you are serious at all. Though the same feelings are there at its pointlessness.
Well that's a 16 yr old me, now I am the Troll at the gates of doom.
Maybe if I had had your fetish, instead of a drug fueled pandorum?
I'll take it, now how does one break paradox and step outside of time?.
@nothingtodo,
sorry, I don't understand what you're saying
@just-a-guy,
I am saying, that this particular life is wrong, though so too are others.. Some much worse, though how you reach those conclusions in the first place defies reason on every level, unless retreating from potential realities as you freely admit you were.
You squeeze the 'Mr. Brownlove is soooo wrong' out of me.... Despite your correct overall.
@just-a-guy,
I definitely understand what your saying!! Emotionally and Sexually I'm attracted to women. But when I'm ParTying Cumulus Billows and IMMEDIATELY I'm Really Horny and Seriously Need another their Manliness Playmate . Love long sessions cause of our sex drives and can continuously enjoy another!!
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