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Fri 30 Dec, 2016 02:43 am
Hello. I see this is a very common thread here. I'm not surprised by so many being confused on their sexual orientation but I am surprised to see I am not the only "grown" adult with this "problem". I would think most would know by adulthood where they were with this and am suprised to see I'm not alone in being an adult and still not knowing!
It's never really bothered me but lately I've been thinking about it more often and starting to realize maybe I'm not completely "straight". I am a 28 year old female. My husband always calls me bi... But I don't agree with that mainly because I am not romantically attracted to women by any means and never have been while I have always been very romantically attracted to men.
I am sexually attracted to women and men in different ways. In some ways I would say I am more sexually attracted to men because if I find a man attractive, I trust him and feel comfortable/safe with him I will have no problem being sexually intimate with him (prior to being married of course). However women, I don't think I could ever actually go through with a same sex sexual experience. I had a minor one as a preteen (I've always been attracted to females in some shape or form) but I didn't like it and felt really just off about it like it wasn't me or something it's hard to explain just did not feel right at all. So when it comes to actual physical action I feel I much prefer men.
But when it comes to visual or fantasy I much prefer women. For example seeing a shirtless guy with a nice body typically isnt going to do a single thing for me, he may as well be my brother walking around. But if I am romantically interested in him and things are physical between us with touching, kissing etc then his shirtless-ness (is this a word? Lol) will become sexually attractive to me.
However if I see a woma dressed sexy, or see a woman exposed it turns me on. Women visually turn me on 100x more than men do. I can hardly watch a porn if there isnt 2 girls, the man just ruins it for me. If theres more than one girl a man can be in it but I just ignore him. The times my husband and I have the best sex because I am more turned on and into it is when we have girl on girl videos on or were talking about girl (which is why he says I am bi). But the odd thing to me about it is, the idea of actually physically being with a girl or romanticallt being with a girl does not feel right for me.
I also struggle with these sexual feelings because I am really religious. It makes me feel a lot of guilt. I've always just seen it as my dirty little secrete or just as a temptation thing. I tend to be more sexually arroused by things that are "taboo" so I've thought of it being that sort of thing but I really don't think thats it because I don't look at it as taboo. Unless it's subconsciously I find it tabooo. I've also never really thought much of it because I've heard its typical for straight women to prefer females in porn but theyre still straight.
But lately I have been thinking back on my lack of physical attraction to men. There will be a super hot guy that everyone i know swoons over and I think hes hot myself but he just doesnt do it for me. Such a common occurence between me and my girlfriends. There have been very, very few men who have sexually arroused me without lots and lots of effort. Yet seeing a woman in a bikini or in a provocative pose can get me sexually aroused.
It makes me wonder if I am more bi than I realize and maybe just not accepting it because of my religious beliefs. Ive been taught my entire life being gay is a grave sin. That we all sin, and we should not judge others sins, we should not look down on others or trear others differently just because they may sin differently than us, but being gay is a sin and we are to do all we can to sin as little as we can. Maybe this has just stopped me from allowing myself to truly explore my sexual orientation? I don't know.. But I'm suddenly very confused at 28 years old!
@Lovely1,
Wanted to add another bit of information on on my past same sex experiences I didn't think about when typing this out. Though I only had the one encounter where we were physically touching each other, I may have had other experiences as well, not sure? But as a teenage and preteen I would often masterbate with two of my female friends. Closest we would get to being physical together is dry humping and that was when we were much younger and tbh was unintentional. Silly thing is we were role playing as a man and woman pretending to have sex (one of us would even put like socks in our undies to create a bulge.. Smh.. Strange kids we were lol) but typically it was usually just masterbating ourselves in the same way and room.. Usually in the same way unless it was like a massager or something we only had one of then we would take turns with it. Fully dressed always. It was one of these girls I eventually had a hands on experience with during a sleep over we decided to try the "real thing" we were supposed to go down on each other.. I was supposed to do her first but chickened out when I got down there under the blanket and used my finger instead. She finished for her turn but I couldn't for my turn at all because I was too weirded out. So we never did that again but did continue our little masturbation sessions.
Perhaps there may be some confusion between who you want to be and who you want to be like.
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