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God's Pet Peeves...

 
 
Monger
 
Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 08:51 am
I was flipping through a Bible & came to Leviticus 11, with its variety of swimming, walking, crawling & flapping abominations. 'Twas an interesting reread.

Some highlights:

We aren't actually supposed to be eating ostriches. I was a bit surprised by that, as I didn't think ostriches were too bountiful in Hebrew lands in those days, so much so that there were ostrich-avoidance rules in place.

God is really peeved at "unclean" animals, & takes his time calling them names like abomination & defiler.

Apparently no one noticed that 4-footed insects are mighty scarce, & that laws banning their consumption are a bit superfluous. Also, there is a distinction made between jumping bugs & non-jumping bugs. Some of the former are yummy, while the latter are abominations without exception.

Special mention is made that you aught not to "boil young goats in their mother's milk" (Deut 17:21).

And let us never forget that God hates figs.

Discussing all of this is making me quite hungry ...Mmmm, shrimp! Gotta run...

Speaking of shrimp, I'd bet God is a shrimp lover too. Think about it, he fools us into thinking they're nasty so we don't eat them & they can flourish in the ocean. Thousands of years of Christianity & Judaism might boil down to nothing more than an elaborate shrimp-saving conspiracy.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 10,244 • Replies: 55
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cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 09:00 am
Uh oh...I'd better 86 the mother's milk boiled goat with figs I was planning on making for dinner. Regarding the shrimp....interesting theory. When you think about it, it is a bit illogical that god apparently hates homosexuals AND things that smell like fish. Things that make you go hmmm....
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colorbook
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 09:31 am
Guess I'm in big trouble now...figs and shrimp?
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patiodog
 
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Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 10:42 am
mmmm, shrimp newton
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margo
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 12:58 pm
Monger

I really needed to know this.

I'm setting off on the path of righteousness, right NOW!!!!!

See ya!
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Eva
 
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Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 01:31 pm
It's a well known fact here in Oklahoma that God hates trailer parks.
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patiodog
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 01:44 pm
My neighbors in Seattle for a while were from Oklahoma. We had a little earthquake that pretty well spooked them. Earthquake, hell -- I'm way more frightened of tornadoes than earthquakes.
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cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 01:55 pm
I heard that god also forbade the Hebrews from wearing pet (or domestic) peeve, but wild peeve was okay, and thus the garment industry was born.
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dlowan
 
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Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 02:36 pm
What about bugs that only jump when they are frightened? How big a startled jump makes you into a jumping bug? If an insect loses 2 of its legs due to trauma, and is a good jumping bug, can you still eat it?

Frankly, I am pleased about not being able to boil a kid in its mother's milk - that is just plain tacky anyway.

God was clearly way ahead of his time about ostriches - they have spread far and wide. I bet he didn't like it that daddy ostrich takes care of the babies.

Calling aminals abominations is just plain rude. I think god needs to learn some manners. he MADE the smegging things!
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patiodog
 
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Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 02:57 pm
Jumping v. not jumping is all about exercise. He wanted people eating lean, healthy bugs, not those fatty ones that just sat around all day.
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dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 03:07 pm
Most ants don't jump - but they get lots of exercise...
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cavfancier
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 03:09 pm
Good thing locusts were on special at the kosher insect butcher tonight.
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patiodog
 
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Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 03:33 pm
Ants are way too labor intensive. I have seen (on the telly, the best possible conduit to the wider world, of course) people gathering flies by swinging baskets around their head at some lake somewhere in Africa. Pretty ingenious, I thought. But ants? Not even with chocolate.
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cavfancier
 
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Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 03:37 pm
Depends on the ant....I hear from some badgers and lower primates that honey ants are not only easy to catch, but delicious as well.
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patiodog
 
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Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 03:40 pm
Aren't they the ones with the swollen butts? Thought they were pretty geographically restricted, if I'm thinking of the right thing. Even the big black ants I used to find in the high Sierra wouldn't have made anything like a proper meal.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 09:10 pm
Deliriously happy on the sapflow of a2k poster knowledge, I twirl about looking, looking, and I must say, I don't thing god likes Natterers.....Nattering as in explicating whines. This is so soooo sad. Really, really.

Whines are often right, and they are dismissed, dismissed!!! because of tone of voice.

Sign up for your m.f.a. in voice, here, now....

oops, I misplaced it. Back soon.
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Monger
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 10:03 pm
Dlowan, here's how the good book defines the jumping v. non-jumping bug rule:

In Leviticus 11, god wrote:
Yet these you may eat of every flying insect that creeps on all fours: those which have jointed legs above their feet with which to leap on the earth. These you may eat: the locust after its kind, the destroying locust after its kind, the cricket after its kind, and the grasshopper after its kind. But all other flying insects which have four feet shall be an abomination to you.
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dlowan
 
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Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 10:38 pm
Did you truly think I expected a sensible answer?

The four legged insect thing proves the damn bible is a crock of crap, anyway! Whoever heard the like!
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Turner 727
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 10:49 pm
patiodog wrote:
My neighbors in Seattle for a while were from Oklahoma. We had a little earthquake that pretty well spooked them. Earthquake, hell -- I'm way more frightened of tornadoes than earthquakes.



Growing up in California (I was there for the Loma Prieta Quake) and living the past twelve years in KS, I must say I'd rather deal with Tornadoes than earthquakes. You can see a tornado coming, at least.

Plus I have the good luck to live in the Tonganoxie Split. For some reason, we don't get as many tornadoes out here as the rest of the midwest. Has something to do with the landscape and airflow, I know, but couldn't tell you more.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2004 11:26 pm
Earthquake girl checking in here.
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