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Mon 9 Jul, 2012 12:56 pm
hey guys! first of all, id like to thank everyone for the precious time youve spent writing to me. it means a lot to me
so, i know im a bisexual, deep in my heart, i know thats the truth. i do find myself staring at good looking girls, checking out some of them. and when my mind doesnt "bug", i can get aroused easily by girls.....
but when my mind bugs me and its like this person saying to me " u r gay, and u r not sexually attracted to girls, etc". i know its the mind's work. when i have these thoughts, its a bit more difficult to get aroused by girls.
i never have such thoughts towards males, its as though the mind thinks im gay and it doesnt oppose my arousal towards males. its not fair, because in my early teen years, i have watched straight porn/lesbian porn, and getting aroused and fantasizing girls, and that is how i know i like girls sexually. it all started when i like a girl, M, and i liked her to the extent where i cudnt let her go through finding out im bi/gay (having sexual attraction towards males). so since then my mind has been bugging me. it makes me feel guilty as though i shud be liking girls coz "im only attarcted to males".
but i do agree, i have watched more gay porn in my late teen years, and have been more "familiar" with gay sex, if you know what i mean. so i thought about males more than females sexually. but never had romantic feelings for guys. i have been always romantically attracted to females, and will always be.
so me watching more gay porn than straight porn in a way contributed to this problem of mine (its my thought).
i hope i can get s0me help here. thanks.
@johnk14,
Try not to give up your wonderful energy to the constraints of this stupid society. You don't have to be either - or anything, you don't have to *define* your sexual desires or fit yourself into anyone's idea of what you should be or who you should want.
Live.
Explore.
Be kind to people who move through your life.
Make your own mold - reject cramming yourself into the pre-fabbed ones.
Viva la you.
@Lash,
hello lash!
thanks for the advice. it was rather eye-opening, what u said. really. i promise to give to what you said a thought, and will explore things in life.
but because, i have always wanted to get married and have kids and all, in a way, i pressure myself to figure out things.
thanks lash. means a lot to me.
@johnk14,
You do understand that you don't have to get married to have kids nor be straight. There are a lot more options these days.
@johnk14,
Hopefully, if you move through your relationship / sexual experiences thoughtfully, you will develop a clearer understanding of yourself and what type of person makes you happiest. I think the tension of "hurrying to know" can lead to mistakes.
So, (lifts glass) ...take your time and enjoy.
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