What causes people to change after marriage?

I see your dilemma.

Do you have enough money to hire a daily/weekly housekeeper for the next three months? If you have to include a weekly/monthly gardener, do that too.

Something like that sure would help put the focus on where the problems really are.

If she didn't have so much on her plate, yet she creates 1/2 of it.. She won't see anyone. Her Mother married for money over and over and she gets mad at having to save, to buy something other than survival. You work alot of hours and she still has to work.

Kind of sounds as if, she grew up with money, resents her Mother, but can't let go of the desire of not having to work so hard to make money, therefore a tad like her Mother

It also sounds like keeping everything in place, including herself, that she does have OCD, her way out I guess of being perfect, yet not rich.

I'm not sure what your solution is.. I get that you are bored, lonely.. You both are working hard really, she is probably bored and lonley as well.

Can you both take a holiday? Even if it's a weekender?

I think you both need to touch base with each other on a "boyfriend/girlfriend" level, like the oldern days. Do you have a photo album showing the good times? Maybe you can have a glass of wine and go throug hthe album reminding each other of those days.

You've got to start somewhere or this "pushing love aside" will destroy your Marriage together.

She wouldnt think of letting someone else clean her house , hell if she doesnt personally do it it wasnt done right . As for weekend vac, we do go once in awhile and she will somewhat relax but as soon as we get home shes back in high gear ! I took her to Hawaii 3 yrs ago for 2 weeks and she stayed at hotel pool instead of beach cause she said she would be the most pale thing there lol. And if 2 weeks of no stress in hawaii doesnt allow time for sex what does ?? But no time for that ? I know its not everything and i do kinda keep coming back to it but at out age and perfectly health and attractive whats the deal !! Mate that with the daily craziness and you see why i feel the way i do .

Mate? Are you an Aussie?

You have to 1) accept her behavioural pattern. Probably you weren't aware before you married that she classes housework, dress sense, everything as "high importance" and so, she tires herself out.

What you shouldn't accept is that your relationship is in a friends zone.. You both have to make the effort and work on that, geez 3yrs ago, 2 weeks vacation and no sex? Tells me that she isn't romantically interested. You both have to sit down and nut this out or else, like you say 30 is too young to feel lonely and in a loveless marriage.

If i bring up her mood , or stressful routine , daily problems that i've mentioned already she is ready to fight so we get no where . If u
I mention the issues with sex life then she usually says she just doesnt think about it , or blames it on me working nights, or every now and then try to turn it around on me by saying if i were more affectionate maybe she would be in the mood ? I didnt disagree but said when for a month+ at a time i barely get a kiss before leaving for work at most im sorry if you needing your shoulders or feet rubbed goes un noticed ? But being affectionate keeps u being affectionate right ? And i wouldnt tell her this because my goal is not to make her feel bad but after 10 yrs her lack of confidence really puts a dent in the excitement found in the bedroom ! Basically if its going to be a one position quicky in a pitch black room with zero foreplay then alot of times i'd rather pass . Damn typing this all out even depresses me !

They don't change; they become their true selves.

Red.

Honestly, was she ever "confident" in the bedroom, no in-hibitions type confident or "honestly" was she always not keen about foreplay..

I can understand if there is no foreplay which (includes) kissing, that it becomes purely a chore. Most chores are not that exciting.

What do you feel she means by "affection".. Like I said, you two appear to be in the friends zone.. No kiss goodnight, good morning, no date nights, no sex. You both just go to work come home and maintain a home together. Do you have kids?

People lose interest in each other, unless they work darn hard at keeping at it in all facets. After a while and 3 years is a long while that being that you couldn't even be romantic on a holiday, the love that was there can go... But, it can be bought back.. Not through sex, but through affection for no reason, just a touch on the shoulder when you walk past and a smile.. If you two can bring yourself back to the beginning then you have a chance.

By now, sex to her is the same as it is to you.. It just is.. So sometimes offering massages etc, eludes in ones mind that you want sex You have to go about it totally differently.

If marriage could bear the test of time that you got the true love.

Typing it all out may be depressing you but it's helping you coalesce your thoughts and feelings. Keep typing...