I recently discovered my boyfriend was having sex with men

Hah - exactly

Wow ! Why so angry? Do you have a crystal ball that gives you all the answers? Like i've expressed before I was not interestedin being judged or having him judged. However you have a right to express your opinion. I just think it's more of a judging then an opinion. Why are you so worried about HIV ? I have said we're responsable and will continue to be. Can I ask you a personal question? Why did you and your wife split and what made you get back together?

It was not due to cheating by either of us and she was a live in girlfriend at the time not my wife.

Beyond that it is none of your business.

The question more to the point is why are you not concern about having sex with someone who had placed you and him in a high risk group if your story is true?

Fair enough.

I never said I was not concerned. I was and continue to be. Once again we BOTH take precautions ( I always have my entire life) I feel this man would never put his life or mine in danger , we both have too much to lose. As I have stated many times I was reaching out to possibly find someone who was or went through a similar situation... I'm still waiting.

Sorry I was an engineer in a biomedical company for thirty-three years and working around/with human blood produces and had sat through countless lectures over the years on the subject of blood borne diseases some given by world famous experts in such fields as HIV transmission.

If he is in an ongoing sexual relationships with multi male partners and is also having sex with you he is placing you as a large risk for all STDs with special note of not only HIV but also hepatitis B that the last time I check kill as many people or nearly as many people as HIV in any given year.

Precautions are very good to take but you are still at far greater risk then if you was sharing your bed with a straight male.

Hopefully a straight male that is not having multi partners sex but even if that is not the case you still would be far better off from a health standpoint then being the straight girlfriend of a gay man.

I have a brother who is a gay and has always been safe and is HIV neg. He's 52. I think if one is careful you'll be just as safe in a straight relationship (even 1 like mine) as a homosexual one. For what it's worth my boyfriend is not gay unless you consider a man who has sex with a woman at least 6 days a week and on occasion has a same sex encounter. last time I checked that was not the definition. I'm not going to let the fear of getting sick make me a bitter, man hater. He's not proud of what he's putting our relationship through but we are trying to work through it. It is MY decision to stay and he tells me everyday how lucky he is because most women in my position would have walked away. maybe I'm a fool, maybe not. I decided this relationship was worth it and I think NO ONE can 100% say what they would do if faced with the same.

thanks for your views Phoenix. I did consider just as you said, to split for a while and let him work his own issues out. and that may still happen depending on several things that may or may not happen. Grief...ya, show me a relationship without it...this is a lot, and we both know it , but man if we could get through it we could face anything

If you are a gay male who do not have multi partners you risk is indeed lower then otherwise however the odds of any ones of your male sexual partners having the HIV virus in his blood stream is many many many times the odds of that being the case for any random female in the population.

A straight man would need to picked his female sexual partners from intervene drugs users to match the risk gay men are facing of having sex with a hiv positive partner.

See the website CDC.gov for more information.

This is the difference between you and Bill Fear much like the word hate, are two words I don't care for, they are non-existant to me.. Off course, pre-caution and dislike are

It's funny how people "talk" about themselves when replying to people, ie) really have a go, try to sway ones mind to what they believe in, instead of reading what the person is asking and answering on that note.

Anyways... Bossgirl.. As I said, you have an open mind.. Be wary that as such, you do not become a porn in this game of chess.. You will have to still have boundries, you will have to ensure he is fully aware of those and that, those can not be crossed.

It's like sometimes when you give a little, people take alot. Unless, they know just how far they can go.

They say girls look for a Daddy image, when looking for a partner, most little girls are "Daddy's princesses"..makes sense.

For a man to look for a "Daddy" image, I think alot of gay guys have done that, or bi-sexual men at some point.. I think that it's more that they want to feel owned, someone else in control, a tad helpless. I wonder therefore, whether sexually with you, if you were to take that control, how that would work, or change things? You say your sex life is good... Don't have to go into specifics of who is more dominant but it's just a thought for you..

Keep your emotions at check.. It's beautiful to love and be loved. It's not beautiful to be hurt and used.. Make sure that the "give" that you are giving, is never abused..

Great post, but this made me laugh...

Erm lol's.. Guess I know where my mind was taking me with that one Pawn...my apologies sort of... Cause I have a sense of humor...

Thanks for dobbing JPB Just kidding.

Once again soul you get it. Wondering what makes you so wise? as far as our sex life: he is the dominate one and has always been. Even if I try and take control, we start laughing and he takes the helm. He is not forceful in any way or a mean man. Totally loving and very giving. As I have stated before there is a lot of "mutual" everything in our relationship which is the soul reason I want to try to let him work this out. I am open minded, but not a fool..i have my eyes wide open to many things if I didn't I never would have found out in the first place... Correct? On a final note... LOL on the porn ! I had a good laugh. And thanks for your writings...

Billions of men some of them at least as good in bed as your semi-gay friend and you are giving him time for what?

To change his very nature and stop having male sexual partners in added to you?

Not going to happen..............except in your dreams.

Relax, Bill. There are many more attributes that an individual brings to a relationship beyond their penis/vagina and what they do with it. She loves a man who is having some sort of identity crisis. It happens all the time. Not generally with this particular manifestation, but I don't see how this is any different than a guy who hooks up with prostitutes or picks up a 20-something chickie-babe. The man is 50 - it's THE classic age for a mid-life crisis in males. bossgirl04 is strong enough in her own self worth that she doesn't need to be solely defined by what her mate is doing or not doing. I've told this story before here...

A very happy woman I know is married and has two sons. Her husband is an excellent provider, father, spouse. She (at her age or inclination) isn't able to meet all his needs/desires so he keeps a mistress. The wife is fully aware of the situation and says it's a mutually beneficial arrangement. I can't say that I can see myself content with the situation but it works for them. Who are we to judge?

Sometimes when it comes to relationship questions you will see people who reply that are clearly and uniquely unqualified to give advice. They often demonstrate how they're of no help to anyone due to their insensitivity and/or judging nature. They can be such a negative barometer that if you follow the oppositie of what they advise, most likely you'll live a happily-ever-after life.

Especially when they don't listen carefully to what you have written and then you have to repeat it and they still don't listen and react appropriately.

Sorry straight men no matter what kind of middle life crisis they are going through do not have multi numbers of males partners it does not happen.

He is not going to outgrow his sexual desires for men any more then I am going to outgrow my sexual desires for women.

JPB! thank you!! Very gracious of you to share your story. A big part of me knows that might end up being my arrangment (depending on many variables)It is not my ideal..let's be honest. However as you so astutely mentioned, I am not defined by what my partner does. I can tell you I was devastated and continue to have my moments of great angst. I also found believe it or not, a closeness with him that was never there before. I also totally agree about the mid-life crisis theory. My "joke"to him was "why can't you just go buy a corvette????" all kidding aside, he does have more then a few issues to work out being newly divorced and experimenting with an alternate sex life. I guess I just needed people to talk to.. How can you talk to family or close friends without them judging or looking at him differently? I thought there has got to be other women this has happened to and maybe they could share their experience. I have to say you and found soul have been very helpful in making me feel that I'm not totally insane for sticking this out with being my judge and jury. Thanks!

Love it Ragman! I do hope you were talking about taking the opposite advice of Bill?? Lol. I am curious to get the opinions of some guys about this. I'm assuming Ragman ... You're a male.. Do you have a crystal ball like Bill that tells you my B/F will never stop?