Can life have meaning if your dreams are unattainable?

My eyes have bags under them, making me look tired. An eye lift or whatever is what I meant. The shadow from the hat obscures the bags. I don't like my hair much either. I look better with a hat on, but I don't like wearing a hat. Sometimes I wear thicker rimmed glasses to obscure the bags instead, but I wish I could just wear nothing.

Lots of people have bags under their eyes, it's not disfiguring, and your reaction to it is way too extreme. You can't spend your life with a hat pulled down over your eyes. It will make you look weird--and that's not going to enhance your appeal to women. If you can't afford plastic surgery, if you even need it, then learn to live with, and appreciate, yourself just as you are.And you can do that, it is within your control.
If you aren't getting enough sleep, correct that. And go to bed sober--alcohol physiologically interferes with normal, restful sleep. Get more exercise so you can sleep better.
If you don't like your hair, talk to a hair stylist--you can change the style, the color, the texture, of your hair, and a hair stylist might be able to suggest some changes that could make you look even better.

What comes across loud and clear is how much you don't like yourself, and your dissatisfaction with your eyes and hair is just an example of that. That's what you've got to work on--your self-esteem--and you've been given loads of advice in this thread on how to help yourself with those issues.

You've got to work on getting rid of that hat. And feeling good without it.

So firefly

You are a woman.

How does one let go of of attachments to a woman? An amazing, beautiful, intense human being who caused reactions in your brain that you didn't think possible?

How do I forget about how happy I felt because of the time I spent with this one person? My mind is conditioned to be attracted to them, to associate euphoric feelings with thoughts and images of this person.

How do you ignore how bad it feels to know that they're happy without you?

I know what you've said about expanding my social interactions, ect, but naturally when I have many mutual friends and I hear about them or see pictures of them with that guy, it causes severe mental distress.

Even if I agree with some of your ideas, there will always be reminders of this time in my life. They will come up from time to time, I won't escape them. And I don't want to forget that those times happened anyway! It was awesome, it made me happy. It was intense. It was real, it really happened.

But I don't want to feel so very sad when I come across these reminders that it stops my normal mental functions. Sometimes it hurts so much that I feel it physically, like I just feel sick on the inside. Like every muscle and fiber of my being hurts.

The same way we've been saying all along - replace them with different attachments :

- replace one habit with another
- fill your life with activities
- practice new ways of being (ie grow)

It's been said in maybe up to 100 ways now - when you start doing new things, and learning new things...you replace old things.

Of course the most effective way is to find a new woman in your life, but short of that, you start replacing with other things that give you uplifting feelings :

- exercise
- achieving
- things that make you laugh
- practice
- dancing
- singing
- learning a musical instrument
- anything else that makes you deeply contented and yet uplifts you
- sprinkled with things that excite & invigorate you

etc

All of those things involved DOING, not talking nor philosophising. Philosophy is good when coupled with action, and useless when not.

And again, the only thing that matters is that you start DOING...practicing, being active, growing, doing.

Nike's motto 'just do it' is brilliant. Even if it doesn't work the first time, you learn something for the next time...and if doesn't work the second time while 'just doing it' you learn even more for the third time, and so on.

Without action...all this talk is a waste...start

First, you have to realize the relationship is over. It's great you have happy memories, but they are things that took place in the past. You don't have to forget these memories, but you do have to realize that the person is no longer available to you. She has moved on with her life, and so should you.

If you really loved her, try feeling good that she has found what she was looking for, even though it was with someone other than you. All you're thinking about is yourself. If she had been happy with you, she would have remained with you. Either you really care about her well being or you don't. If you care about her, and not just your need for her, hope that she does find what she wants in a relationship with someone else.

Vikorr has already told you what you should do--start putting other things into your life, start forming new attachments to both interests and people. The more things you fill your life with, the less emptiness you will feel when you come across those reminders.
The relationship ended almost 8 months ago. You've spent enough time mourning the loss and nuturing and venting your anger and hurt. Continuing to do it is only making your present life miserable, it won't bring her back to you, it won't change anything. If you want to feel better, you have to move forward and stop looking backward.

And, as vikorr said to you...

That happened to me, long ago.
I researched it in psychology books devoted to the subject.
1 way to do it is to think of her errors and her shortcomings.
Turn your attention to areas of disagreement,
wherein u believe that she was on the rong side.

Think of annoyances that she inflicted upon u.
On TV, there r a few shows concerning women
who have betrayed their husbands and boyfriends
for many different illogical reasons; watch those shows
and be glad that u r beyond her reach, immune to such betrayal.

Be glad that u r now free of any harrassment from her.





David

"All you're thinking about is yourself"

Ms. Poppins certainly isn't thinking about me. You've both told me I need to go after what I want in life. Who else is going to think about me? She's fine, she gets to get married and go off into the sunset.

You know it IS possible to love and hate someone at the same time.

Like if someone has an abusive parent, I'm sure they hate that person for the harm they've caused them but still love them because of who they are and the uniqueness of the roll they play/played in their life. Indeed, love and hate are often black and white; and true feelings frequently lay within the grey.

Even if I care about her (which I always will), I can't just forget the things she did wrong. Therefore pardon me if I'm not happy for her. She's a beautiful human being and I wouldn't ever want bad things to happen to her, but she was also selfish and deceitful to me.

Getting back to the original question I asked in this thread, I will say this: I'm willing to try things mentioned here. However, if after years of expanding my interests, joining clubs, meeting new people, ect; if after all that I never find someone who makes me feel as alive, as happy, as excited as she did, I don't know how to deal with that.

I need my dream. I need to think it'll happen (even if it doesn't) or I won't ever feel motivated. I want to have a little boy or a little girl that has qualities that I looked for (and found) in someone like Ms. Poppins.

I'm willing to try new things but I won't settle.

Even if women don't have "every option under the sun", they certainly have more options than men do. I won't back down on that because I know it's true. Ms. Poppins DID after all choose between more than one person who wanted to be with her.

I'm up for improving myself and focusing on what I want in life and working really hard. But if I meet someone and it's anything less than amazing I'll always feel like I settled. Because now I know what it's like to be with someone like that.

I'm afraid I'll have to settle, afraid I won't have options.

I just don't want to settle for anything less than what I know makes me happy. I guess that's what I'm getting at. I know that other people could be just as/if not even more amazing, but I don't know if it'll ever happen. I could die tomorrow.

I guess what I meant is that even if I work hard on my OWN self, it's going to be so hard to see reminders, because even if something amazing is right around the corner, I could never know that and it'll be hard to maintain positivity when I'm doing something that really sucks (like having a bad night out and coming home and seeing pictures of them).

Good points indeed.

And you are right. Actually the one thing I will never miss is her mood swings. I do think about that frequently. Dealing with her mental instability was a nightmare.

Also, she was something of a hippie and wasn't fond of showers, not something a two shower per day minimum person has an easy time dealing with.

Oh, and she pooped with the door open and tried to get me to do the same. She wanted an "open door pooping policy"! I'm sorry but that is my sacred alone time. Ha!

Haha, ok now maybe I'm feeling a tiny bit better.

We all and each owe it to ourselves to live as HAPPY a life as we possibly CAN.
Toward that goal: REMEMBER THE NIGHTMARE!!!

Be glad that it is over. U r free.





David

Hi Michael,

You don't have to settle for less that what you want in life....

... and in the meantime (if that sort of person is extremely rare) there's nothing wrong with having relationships with people who you find attractive even if you don't...at the time...think they will be who you want long run. For starters, you'll learn things, and you'll have company, and you'll get more practice...and lastly, people grown, and you just never know, both of you may grow into the couple you always wanted. Ie. Don't be too hasty to judge whether or not a woman is someone you would have to 'settle for'.

That's because you keep wanting to do this for others, so that you can get approval from them. What I've been saying to you, is that if you do it for yourself...and in doing it for yourself, you'll have much more success in getting approval from them AND you'll be happier with yourself

As you become happier with yourself, your desperation will decrease, and as a result, a source of extreme discomfort to women will start to diminish.

As you go further, you'll gain confidence, and then start to know that you can achieve things, and that is (as a bonus) attractive to women.

As you begin to understand you can achieve things, you'll start to try things you were always too afraid previously to try...and that too, as a bonus, is something that is attractive to women (trying things that you aren't good at and not being ashamed of it, but enjoying such - it means variety, and spontaneity, and a can do attitude).

And as you start getting better at those, you'll understand that you can start influencing people positively (you start learning leadership & mentoring, and that too just happens to be attractive to women)...and once you realise that...and so on.

Do you see the pattern between growing and being attractive to women?

Do you understand that if you don't DO, then you are by default, choosing to settle?

Start...and do it for yourself, while always keeping an eye on your goal. It's a balance - but doing it for yourself MUST be a of the equation or you will always become discouraged by what should just be learning experiences.

True. Or you could win the lottery.

We don't know what the future holds. So, stop with all the "what ifs"--it's a waste of time, and just another way of rationalizing not doing anything about your life, and your emotional state, in the present. And hanging onto the past, and rehashing it, as you are doing with the Ms Poppins relationship, is equally non-productive. You are not allowing yourself to move on with your life. That relationship is over. What you need to keep reminding yourself of is that it's over. One way to do that is to stop posting and talking about it. Focus and talk about the things you are starting to do to make positive improvements in your life and your mood. I don't want to hear about Ms Poppins, or that relationship, any more. I want to hear about some of the positive things you did for yourself today.

You need a goal. Dreams are fantasies. If you want to be married and have children, think of it as a long range goal--which puts it in the realm of possibility, and something you can actively try to work toward. Stop using the word "dream".

Right, you motivate yourself to move toward goals because you believe they are possible. There is no reason to assume that marriage and children are beyond the realm of possibility for you. But you have to meet and become involved with women for that to happen--so that's what you should concentrate on doing.

That's among the worst, and strangest, reasons I've ever heard for wanting to have children. You cannot pick the qualities you want in your children--you can help a child to develop certain qualities, but each child is unique and you do not know what qualities or characteristics of personality your child will manifest.

Right now, you are nowhere ready to be a parent. You're not doing a good job of parenting yourself. First demonstrate, to yourself, that you are capable of caring for yourself in an adult manner--and that includes doing things to enhance your self esteem and self confidence. Like working toward getting rid of that hat.

Start living in the present, MichaelJ, not the past, and not the future.

Great! Now start doing that.

If you're convinced that what you want in life is unattainable then I suppose you've already taken the step into self denial. Dreams and goals are not always where you want to land or need to land, they can simply serve as a marker for someplace to aim for. I know for a fact I will never be a police officer, due to a major heart condition, however by wanting to be something I know I cannot be, I stumbled upon the idea of helping people in a different way, by being a therapist for troubled children. Perhaps it isn't being a police officer, but in all honesty am glad I never reached my goals.

Become a Buddhist.

I don't buy lottery tickets.

I'm pretty sure that adult bears have baby bears, and adult rabbits have baby rabbits. If I'm attracted to someone because they're passionate or they have artistic tendencies or they're good at whatever it may be, I don't think there's anything "strange" about wanting to have children with that person in part for those reasons. I think it increases the chance of your child having those same qualities.

I've actually been taking some small steps in the past week, but all they've done is discourage me more.

In fact I had a discussion with 4 women I work with tonight because one of them is getting married and is unhappy because her fiance isn't making enough money.

All four women basically said that money is HUGELY important to them and that they wouldn't ever take a man seriously in a relationship if his financial situation couldn't afford them a comfortable life.

Because I grew up without family support and because of all the subsequent struggles I faced, I now have more school debt than most people with my degree. This is something I can't change. I wanted a college education, it was something important to me. And it was a HUGE example of me actually trying to better myself.

So there you go. I'm never going to have enough money and because of that no woman will ever marry me. So my "goal" is impossible to achieve.

I just think it's really sad how money has more sway than love or friendship or anything else when it comes to women.

I think it further proves that people don't have "souls", that life is meaningless, and that I probably should've been aborted.

Life is a horrible thing that I just wish would end.

Life is meaningless. I've tried. I don't have anything left in me.

Is that what you're telling yourself? That you tried? Are you sure you didn't just go through motions, looking for anything that reinforces your web of skewed beliefs that lead you to want to give up?

I can actually guarantee that is what you did, because of your blatantly biased findings, which lack any evidence of being the completely, or even mostly true in the wider world :
People poorer than you marry. You continue to lie to yourself.

That is an incredibly warped view of women as a generalisation that has no basis in wider reality.

My neighbour's daughter thinks men with money tend to be incredibly up themselves (her boyfriend of 3 years is a forklift driver), a good friend of mine married a guy who's basically broke because she loved his good hearted nature - she earns way more money than him. A third female friend of mine wants a man who's successful (she happens to own her own business, though not always successfully).

Yes it is...academically, and (hopefully) economically. No one has been talking about that here - we have been talking about you taking steps to grow the substance of 'you'.

Whether or not people have souls is irrelevant.

As for meaning - I make my own meaning in life. But I'm willing to work for that, while you think that a half hearted motion here and there can create the same. It can't. Life doesn't just land in your lap - you do have to genuinely work to gain most of the things you want.

You are currently choosing to have no meaning in your life. All you want is 'the ideal relationship'...which combination is self defeating - it will never be ideal, because you don't have any other meaning in your life. It's like cutting off your genitals while wanting sex...getting naked with a girl will never fullfil you that way.

You say you started, but apparently you expected results from a day or two?

Are you willing to actually work?

Personally you spend and incredible amount of energy talking yourself out of living - telling yourself why it will never work, looking for every shred of 'evidence' that it can't work, and ignoring the plethora of evidence that says otherwise. You put an incredible amount of energy into keeping yourself stationary...so that you feel worn out just sitting still - then you tell yourself that you don't have the energy to start.

Our minds can't handle actually handle the negative. If I tell you 'don't think about an elephant', you first have to think about an elephant to know what 'not' to think of. If I tell you 'Don't drop that expensive vase' - you first have to think about dropping the vase in order to know what 'not' to do. That takes more energy than 'carry the vase carefully'. This is what you are doing to yourself in so many different ways that you are worn out.

Another truism is that "What your mind thinks affects your body, and what your body does affects your mind". In other words, any actions you take affect your mind...which is why action is important...and persitance is important.

At the end of the day...all this talk is just perspective & knowledge. What you make of it is up to you. Your life is your responsibility. You can choose to waste it, or you can choose to make it better. You can choose to look for every possible reason why you are powerless - despite the obvious untruthfulness of such a view...or you can choose to start doing things that make your life better.

Again, it is up to you.

And yet again - as I'm really not sure you understand - your life is your repsonibility to make better. We can contribute information, but the decision is yours to make, and the actions yours to do. Without your participation, nothing happens inside you.

You can lie your way out of it (which you appear to be currently trying to do), or you can face up to the fact that you do have the power to make yourself better, to achieve self assurance, to respect yourself, and to go after what you want. Every man ever born has that ability - severe genetic defects & injuries aside. Any other view is blatant self deception - simply untrue.

All human language is meant as a way to TRY to explain things (thoughts, ideas, images, ect.) that can not and WILL not ever be fully explained. That's why poetry, art, ect exist. They're a further attempt to express ideas that aren't transparent. Some things are indescribable. Some aspects of life, there are just no words that encapsulate what they really mean, or how they feel.

Women are the equivalent to a "devil" or a true "evil". They are a vile thing. Women have a natural advantage biologically speaking, evolutionary speaking. They are a higher developed life form than man. They know this and they exploit it.

Another part of this is nature vs. nurture. Women are raised to think it's OK to express themselves and form close, personal bonds with others. That it's OK to be vulnerable. Boys are raised to be stoic, to be able to "handle anything". Boys and girls are disciplined much differently. More is expected from boys, MUCH more. This carries on into adulthood where even if modern women are MORE than capable of providing for themselves and defining themselves on their own accord, they still somehow DEMAND more from men than they do from themselves.

Look at divorce proceedings, most favor women. Look at child custody cases, most favor the woman. Juries are less likely to convict women than men. Most people have heard of or are familiar with the term 'misogyny', but have no idea what 'misandry' means. In fact the spell check on my computer just told me that 'misandry' isn't even a word, whereas misogyny raised no alerts! What about missing white woman syndrome??? Huh??? Why is violence against men somehow more acceptable than violence against women?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing_white_woman_syndrome

Women are proof of the selfish, "evil"(for lack of a better word) nature of mankind. Men are "evil" too. Human kind is "evil", but the most "evil" people in the human race are those who have the means (i.e. advantages) over others. Because those people will exploit those means. There are examples all throughout history. The human race is a cancer on this earth. Just look at how badly we treat our planet. How we destroy the natural world with our "progress". How we kill, and torture, and rape, and oppress each other.

I used the word "soul" to mean many things. It's one of those words we humans use to try to describe something that isn't really describable. When I say "soul", I mean something that makes people something more than mere math equations, more than organic tissue. More than chemical responses. Some kind of "magic" (another obtuse term).

I JUST WANT TO LAUGH AGAIN!!! THAT'S IT!!!! I want to smell that ******* rose while my nose is still attached to my face! I want to wake up and think "Something good might happen today". WE HUMAN BEINGS DO NOT LIVE FOREVER. Indeed life is a dance more than a "goal". But I'm sick of dancing with a broken leg, falling over and having my dance partner kick me while I'm down.

Really? yet you keep doing things that suggest otherwise. You keep feeding your hate of women, and your hate of yourself.

Have you noticed that you have not acknowledged one positive aspect of life?

There is an incredible amount of positive ways to look at life, but look at the things you express - they are almost without exception, negative...and yet you claim to love women (while expressing hate for them). You want the thing you hate to fullfil you.

Every person is able to justify almost every 'perspective' if they try hard enough. This example isn't you - but there was a person on this forum who used the name agrote - he was articulately able to argue against every argument for why pedophilia is wrong. He spouted nonsense - articulately, and with lots of perspectives that he believed reasonable...and it was apparent he believed his nonsense. That is to say - it's possible to argue articulately almost any stance, so long as you lie to yourself and belive your 'lies', and form a web of 'lies' to support your 'lies'. That you can argue articulately, doesn't actually make your self deceptions right.

You WHOLE argument to yourself is single sided - ignoring any positive aspects - and you wonder why you are depressed. You rail against the depression, despising it...yet you show love for it by continually reinforcing it, and using your reinforcing arguments to make you feel 'powerless', and then use that feeling to justify why you are powerless to change it. In other words - you put all your power into keeping yourself powerless.

In order to maintain a view that contains no positive balance at all, you have to to continually reinforce your negative views and and find ridiculous justifications to constantly ignore any positive viewpoint.

You bring up legal issues which have aspects of truth...and have nothing at all to do with your predicament.

You ignore that both men & women have different sets of acknowledged double standards in both 'abilities' and 'restrictions'.

Do you not see the incredible irony of this statement? You are so focused on 'gimme' from them, that when they don't give you, you hate them...and you can't see the selfishness involved on your part? They have to love you, or they are selfish? But it's not all about you, right?

Secondly, selfishness is a good thing (despite what you hear otherwise)when it is balanced with socialness...as it allows you to develop a sense of self, find your individuality, take time for yourself, stand up for yourself (the other side of the balance is care for others, empathy, support, love etc)

A woman choosing not to love you is not selfish - it is an expression of her right to choose someone she thinks she can love (or lust after, as the case may be)

If there's no good in the world, there's not much to laugh at. As there is LOTS of laughter in the world, lots of people see lots of things to laugh at.

Again...it is within your power to start looking for the positives in life. It is within your power to work towards finding meaning in life. It is within your power to improve yourself. It is within your power to find the relationship you want...and if you choose not to excercise your power to move towards those things, that is up to you.

And it's pointless making claims of wanting to laugh while doing everything you can to sabotage your ability to.

Start remaking yourself, and keep at it. It is up to you.

You have a choice of keep lying to yourself, keep fooling yourself, keep yourself blind to the positives of life, keep yourself without meaning...or you can fill your life with meaning, with positives, with laughter. It is up to you to do...to move...towards such.

It is entirely within your power, and is also a responsibility that rests solely with you ...even while others can help - it is up to you - you must want it, and show you want it by doing - for only you can do...so do it.

I don't think I've ever read a post before, by someone allegedly trying to understand his own emotions, that contained a link to a Wikipedia article. You're not grappling with your emotional problems, you're writing a thesis to justify maintaining your misery and self-defeating tendencies.

MichaelJ, you are a master at over-intellectualizaton and rationalization. A world class gold medalist at doing that sort of thing.

Unfortunately, it keeps you from dealing with the emotions that are tripping up your life and making you miserable. But that's all right, because all that verbal bullshit gives you some false sense of being right and you're willing to settle for that rather than risking real growth and change. You feel safe as long as you're wrapped in "philosophical arguments", they're your protective suit of armor, and shedding them would make you feel too vulnerable and too exposed. Of course, it's all an exercise in self-deception on your part, but the truth is too scary for you to deal with. The truth is you don't know how to face and manage your own emotions, they frighten you, confuse you, overwhelm you, cause you anxiety, so you run from them and hide.

You need to hide, whether it's under your pulled down hat, or behind "philosophical arguments". Those "philosophical arguments" are all straw-men, and the hat doesn't really hide your lack of self esteem, but you go on feeling you need these things, despite the fact that they prevent you from finding better solutions to problems, or directly addressing your emotional difficulties. And, when emotional pain starts to seep through those ineffective defenses, you get drunk so you can hide some more.

When you're ready to come out of hiding, you'll know you're ready to risk really understanding yourself and living your life without all the crippling anxieties you carry around inside yourself. First you have to understand you're in hiding, and then you have to be motivated to stop hiding. And those factors should be the reasons you want to see a therapist again.

You are plagued by anxieties which you need to better understand and gain control of, and that's what a therapist can help you with--if you allow that to happen. You have to want the therapist to help you face your anxieties so you can stop being at their mercy. I don't think you did that with your previous therapists because you've told me you hid behind your "philosophical arguments" and wouldn't allow the therapists to penetrate that intellectualized protective armor. It's sort of like going to the dentist with a toothache and then refusing to open your mouth so the dentist can address the source of your pain. Just as you have to open your mouth for the dentist, you have to be willing to expose your emotions, and all of those anxieties, to the therapist, without any "philosophical arguments" to justify or mask them.

Your emotional problems have nothing to do with the "meaning of life", or the fact you were born male, or the characteristics you attribute to women, or the amount of money you make, or whether your "dream" is attainable, or whether people have souls. That is all, frankly, a load of bullshit. And, while shoveling all of those BS "philosophical arguments" might win you a Golden Spade award, for your obvious experience and proficiency in the way you do it, continuing to shovel those intellectualizations is not going to help you one bit. In fact, it will make it impossible for you to dig yourself out of the hole you've buried yourself in to hide because you're too busy using your shovel to make your hole deeper.

Your life and thinking and behavior is dominated by anxiety and by your frantic attempts to pacify and contain that anxiety. Your anger, and envy, and low self esteem, and fears of rejection, and sense of helplessness, and your hopeless outlook, and your dependency needs--it's all about anxiety. And, because anxiety is an unpleasant thing to experience, you try to bury it, mask it, defend against it, deny it, rationalize it, externalize it, intellectualize it, and generally act like it's not a part of you, and a part of you that you can potentially gain control over.

And it's your anxiety that affects your relationships, and how you act in those relationships, and whether you even seek out and become involved in relationships, and the sort of people you choose to become involved with. Once you allow your anxieties to dominate your choices, you are limiting your options in life. And that will result in depression because you will feel limited and boxed-in--by yourself. And the solution is for you to better understand and control those anxieties, and you can do that. If I didn't think you were capable of doing it, I wouldn't urge you in that direction. But I do think you will need the help of a therapist in doing it, to counter your tendencies to run from anxiety and hide. Those anxieties are roadblocks to growth, roadblocks to developing better coping mechanisms, and roadblocks to feeling better about yourself. Whatever adaptive, protective function they once served has outlived its time and now they are just holding you back. Without them, you will feel stronger, more whole, more in control, and a lot less miserable.

I am aware you will be moving in a few months to live with your sister, so you really can't undertake any long term therapy now, but I think it should still be possible for you to address some of your anxieties before you make that move. I think you should seek out a Cognitive/Behavioral therapist and try to work on a very specific goal in the months before you move--getting rid of that hat, and feeling better without it. That is definitely a goal you can work on and accomplish in the next 3 or 4 months with the help of that particular type of therapist. And, if you can accomplish just that one goal, you will have taken a giant step forward for yourself. A lot of anxiety is tied up in why you wear that hat, and the process of getting rid of it will free you of those anxieties. It would be nice for you to be able to move to a new place, that holds all sorts of interesting possibilities for yourself, free of that hat and what it represents for you. That's what should motivate you to do something about it--right now.

vikorr has been giving you some excellent advice which I hope is not falling on deaf ears. I agree with the things which he has been saying to you. He and I are are approaching your problems from different perspectives, but those perspectives are not mutually exclusive, they compliment each other. I hope you are able to find something useful and meaningful in what we have both been saying to you.

There are many things in life we cannot control, but our attitudes and emotional reactions to those things we can definitely control--or learn how to control. Learning how to do that is the way you learn to shape and maximize your own sense of satisfaction and happiness, and feel more in control of yourself and your life. The key to doing that is within you, MichaelJ, you just need some helping in learning how to use that key to open doors within yourself that are currently locked and blocking your sense of freedom. Don't deprive yourself of finding that freedom.

First of all, how the hell can you compare what I'm trying to say to someone who thinks pedophilia is ok????

I've listened to everything you've had to say and also given it a great deal of consideration. I've never once insulted you.

I've made some very strong points in what I've said. You may not agree with them, but I don't appreciate having my views be compared to a child ******. I'm insulted. I didn't deserve that comparison.

"You keep feeding your hate of women, and your hate of yourself." Bullshit. I'm not feeding myself anything. I'm observing life as it happens. I'm not influencing anyone to act a certain way. Women do the things they do and I observe it. Fact is fact. A spade is a spade, and when I see a spade, I call it a spade.

I can only base my opinions on what I've seen and experienced myself. The sky is blue, that's a fact. I've never had a good dating experience with a woman. Not one. If I'd had even ONE good experience with dating a woman perhaps I'd feel otherwise. I can only base my OPINIONS (and these are opinions) on what I've encountered.

NO WOMAN HAS TO LOVE ME. It's NOT about me. Go F yourself!

"A woman choosing not to love you is not selfish - it is an expression of her right to choose someone she thinks she can love (or lust after, as the case may be)".

This is such bullshit vikkor and you know it. In an earlier post I EXPLICITLY said that if she'd simply told me that she didn't love me or loved someone else (while it would have hurt incredibly) I would've had some measure of respect for that.

Honesty, isn't honesty an amazing concept?!?!?

She initiated the relationship when I told her I was scared her feelings weren't real. She told me she was in love with me. She continued to tell me this. She continued to sleep with me. She told me she wanted me to try to get her pregnant. She talked about marriage and a future with me.

If she didn't love me she should have just said that. If she didn't love me she shouldn't have kept sleeping with me. If she didn't love me she should've made that CRYSTAL clear.

When one person views the other as nothing more than a **** buddy, but continues to string that person along into believing that it's a real relationship, THAT'S ******* WRONG!

What she did was wrong. There is no way you can say it was right.

By your rational I'm entitled to use women the same way they've used me then. I can be with someone who I know has strong feelings for me and lie to her and use her for sex. Because it's my "right to choose" if I suddenly out of nowhere decide I think I might love someone else or lust after someone else.

Because words are just words right? Who cares if I'm with someone who loves me a lot and I use her for my own needs. Who cares if my deception hurts her as long as I get what I want?

There should be no problem then if I all of a sudden leave my wife someday out of the blue to bang the cute girl who works at my office. Maybe my wife has been there to support me through all my struggles, but **** her right? MY happiness is much more important!

If people are up front about relationships not meaning anything that's one thing. But deceiving the other person so that you can escape from your own feelings of guilt IS NOT RIGHT.

Your thinking on this is what's wrong with the world vikkor.