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Why are some women attracted to bad men?

 
 
Reply Mon 23 Aug, 2010 05:56 pm
Why are some women attracted to bad men?

Are they trying to mimic their mothers married to abusive or wildly behaved fathers?

BBB
 
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Aug, 2010 06:12 pm
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
Yes, we learn at our parents' knees. Growing up in a home where there was abuse might cause a woman to believe that abuse is the "normal" way of life.

Another reason is a complete lack of self esteem. Secure women would not stand for abuse by anyone close, especially a partner or spouse.

I once knew a young woman whose "goal" was to marry a mafioso. She was the nicest girl, and from what I could tell, completely open and honest with her friends. ( I was at least 20 years older than her, so it is possible that there were aspects to her to which I was not privy.)

I once had a discussion about this, and her attitude was that this was the sort of life that she wanted to lead. She was very open about it.

I sincerely hope that she matured out of that "goal".
rosborne979
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Aug, 2010 06:23 pm
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
BumbleBeeBoogie wrote:
Why are some women attracted to bad men?
I don't know, but too often it's true. Nice guys finish last. Trust me, I know. Smile
BumbleBeeBoogie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Aug, 2010 06:26 pm
@Phoenix32890,
I thought your reasoning right on target. Which makes me wonder why their mothers failed to protect their daughters from exposure to abuse. I understand why some women continue to take the abuse. But they owe their daughters protection from that social conditioning.

Same goes for sons, don't you think? Some boys grow up copying their father's behaviors when they start having relationships with girls/women.

BBB

0 Replies
 
BumbleBeeBoogie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Aug, 2010 06:27 pm
@rosborne979,
How did you learn nice guys finish last?

BBB
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Aug, 2010 07:03 pm
Do you mean "bad" like mean and abusive or "bad" like sexy and dangerous?
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Aug, 2010 07:15 pm
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
That also works the other way.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Aug, 2010 07:18 pm
Let's look at this mathematically. I will make to assumptions.

1) There are an equal number of bad men and bad women. This seems like a safe assumption to make.

2) Everyone wants to have a mate.

So there are two possibilities. One is that the bad women could look for good men which would leave the good women with only bad men. The other is that bad women would look for bad men, leaving all of the good people together.

It seems like in reality it is a little of both.


cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Aug, 2010 07:22 pm
@maxdancona,
I observe this situation a bit differently; most humans are bad people. The chance of hooking up with a good man or women is against the odds. Besides that, most will have personality conflicts even if both are "good" people.

Can anybody name me a dozen good people? We only have 6.7 billion people on this planet.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Aug, 2010 07:36 pm
@cicerone imposter,
An interesting question, let's define "bad" as something specific; let's say physically abusive.

Should a bad person never have any relationships? Or, are there people who are strong enough to have a good relationship with someone that would be bad with other partners?

cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Aug, 2010 08:09 pm
@maxdancona,
That's a very complex question to answer; there's a recent report that the sister's husband who killed her is now engaged to her sister.
0 Replies
 
Pemerson
 
  2  
Reply Mon 23 Aug, 2010 08:14 pm
I don't think women who date verbally and/or physically abusive men have any idea this guy will later, probably after marriage, treat her any less than what she imagines him to be--her prince charming. Usually, it's a big painful surprise when he first hits her or screams about how stupid & dumb she is. It happens slowly sometimes over many years before she gets enough self-esteem to seek help.

Just watch Lifetime and couple other movie channels, they've shown a zillion movies on family life, be it good or bad, for several years at least. The thing is, these woman don't know that the guy is "bad." Both partners in such a relationship usually come from homes where the mother was abused, or was abusive herself, to the children.
Solmeci
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Aug, 2010 08:54 pm
Primal thing dating all the way back to when men used to get a women by banging her over the head and taking her away.
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Aug, 2010 09:04 pm
@Pemerson,
There are also those people who wants to keep "marriage" restricted to a man and a woman, because homosexual marriage will ruin heterosexual marriages.

I believe some people call it "the sanctity of marriage."
0 Replies
 
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Aug, 2010 11:39 pm
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
I was just having his discussion with some of the men in my class.
One of them had used the 'slogan' : Treat them mean - keep them keen.

I'd never heard it before, so I asked what they were talking about. They explained to me that in order to keep a woman 'keen' a man was more likely to be successful if he treated her 'mean'.

I laughed and asked for an example of what they considered 'mean'- were they talking about physical and emotional abuse - what?

One guy gave an example of going out to a bar with a woman, but making sure that she saw as he eyed other women or taking a woman out on a date and then spending the majority of the time talking to another woman, etc.
They asked me what I would do if someone did that to me and I said, 'I'd tell the guy - Well, it's been fun - see you later - and go home.

But we talked about why a woman might put up with that sort of behavior and knowing the reasons (lack of self-esteem, etc.) whether or not it was incumbent on the man not to engage in such hurtful behavior.

And as the conversation progressed - it hit all of us at about the same time. A lot of women accept behavior like that from a man because she believes SHE will be the one who will be able to change him. It's an ego thing. Instead of a lack of self-esteem - it's almost like an overload of self-esteem- she takes it on as a challenge of some sort.

I think this could be true about some women.
No me though - I wouldn't sit through one dinner where the guy ignored me. Why would anyone want to win such a rude asshole?
hawkeye10
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 24 Aug, 2010 12:53 am
I think two reasons primarly.

1) nice = boring

2) nice = weak

Life is too short to settle for boring, and some women pick a man they think is strong enough to handle them. A bad boy is not going to be rolled over with feminine hysterics or bullying, they are thus the right man for the job of mate.
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Aug, 2010 12:58 am
@aidan,
Quote:
A lot of women accept behavior like that from a man because she believes SHE will be the one who will be able to change him. It's an ego thing. Instead of a lack of self-esteem - it's almost like an overload of self-esteem- she takes it on as a challenge of some sort.
intimate relationship at its best is both cooperative and combative. Trying to mold the other to your desires is in the combat part. It has nothing to do with self esteem, it is about being part of a rewarding relationship.
Intrepid
 
  5  
Reply Tue 24 Aug, 2010 01:27 am
@hawkeye10,
hawkeye10 wrote:

intimate relationship at its best is both cooperative and combative. Trying to mold the other to your desires is in the combat part. It has nothing to do with self esteem, it is about being part of a rewarding relationship.


That may be true in your world, but normal relationships do not usually include combat. A relationship is a partnership - not oneupmanship.
0 Replies
 
rosborne979
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Aug, 2010 06:29 am
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
BumbleBeeBoogie wrote:
How did you learn nice guys finish last?

Because even though I'm an evil bastard, I have some really nice friends, and they tell me their stories.

0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  3  
Reply Tue 24 Aug, 2010 07:18 am
@hawkeye10,
hawkeye10 wrote:


Life is too short to settle for boring, and some women pick a man they think is strong enough to handle them. A bad boy is not going to be rolled over with feminine hysterics or bullying, they are thus the right man for the job of mate.


"handle them"??? Rolling Eyes
0 Replies
 
 

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