I've thought alot about what you've said and continue to...
I thank you for your words firefly.
However I disagree with what you said about how I was clueless about what my ex's wanted. I was aware of what they wanted, even WHILE it was going on. That's what disgusted me about them. But I can't help the way I feel, and when I love someone that's just not something I can change in an instant even if I'm disgusted by that person's behavior. Haven't you ever had feelings for someone even when you didn't like the things they did?
I also can't change who I am.
That's me. I'm the collective of everything that's come and gone in my life. And why would I or should I want to change myself to please someone else anyway? I shouldn't.
I feel unattractive to women (money aside), and that's not something I feel I can change.
For instance, my skin is kinda oily. Mary said something about it one day that really hurt me feelings. She said "My skin is so dry, and yours is oily, borderline greasy".
I never said anything ONCE to her that was hurtful like that. And she has this really light skin and a blue vein that goes up her cheek kinda, that pretty as she is, you can't help but notice. I coulda said something about that. I can't help my skin, it's genetic.
And there are other things too...
But anyway, I did really appreciate that thoughtful post of yours. I'm REALLY struggling with everything I said in that last post. It just feels so overwhelming, like life is just too big to deal with. I don't know how to start or whatever.
There's a really bad man in my hometown, and he's running for senator. And he owns a business that has done a WHOLE lot of bad things to a WHOLE lot of people. And people have really been trying hard to get the truth out. I've been trying because I have personal experience with him. I've written dozens of letters... But he lies, and lies ...and now he's got the paper lying for him too. It looks like he might win.
And I see stuff like that and I feel powerless. And life seems silly.
Anyway, I'd really like to hear your thoughts on this story:
I mean no matter what you say about women vs. men, you gotta admit $780,000 vs. $3,000 is a pretty big price difference... You can't ignore that in that regard women are worth more than men...And that does carry power with it. I mean seriously, $780,000 for ONE HOUR!