Can life have meaning if your dreams are unattainable?

I can't lift anything on my own.

I can't sit down without pain.

I can't clean myself without help.

The pain never ends.

You people don't know what I'm going through. I just want to spend a day without pain. I'd give anything for that.

Do you know how scary it is to think that the rest of my life will be like this?

If this is true then yes it sucks that this is your condition. I wouldn't want or wish it on anyone. I don't know if I fully believe this about you. I have met and know people who claim to have chronic pain but many of them are self loathing individuals who have options but refuse to do any of them. They want a simple no effort solution and if it takes work they want nothing to do with it. If you have no options at all then there is nothing I can say at all. Make the best of what you can, no need being negative about it or else it just becomes self defeating.

I like Nietzsche's Amor Fati (love your destiny, no matter what it has turned out to be).
I also like G.B.Shaw's "Do not do unto others as you would have them do unto you; their taste may be different." (Get to know them)

Well guess what firefly...?

I talked to a lawyer shortly after my last post here ...after an investigation, it turns out the truck I rented had something seriously wrong with it.

My lawyer threatened to sue and the company decided to settle for a quite large sum.

So number one thing, my rehabilitation costs are now being retroactively covered, also I've been given given a good deal of money for what I've gone through.

A couple days after this all happened I went out to "celebrate" I guess you could call it. I'm still in alot of pain in my back and my arm hasn't completely healed, but I was feeling a whole lot better mentally knowing at least the financial concern had been lifted and then some...

And guess what? I met a lady! A beautiful lady!

I was buying rounds for the whole bar and I got to talking with her...

So you see, money DOES attract women! Now, I'm fully aware that this person isn't attracted to me at all, but rather my new found windfall... so it dosen't make me feel any better about my life long struggle with wanting to be a husband and father. BUT it does prove me right all along...

Women ARE devils, ...money lusting devils!

They will flock to anything with money! Even a man with a fucked up arm and back who admittedly doesn't even respect them!

I've been right all along!

Life IS a joke!

I have so much to write about, I will get all my thoughts out on this while I'm continuing to recuperate.

I won't blow what I have now on booze, don't worry. Some day I'm gonna leave everything I have to my now 3 year old nephew since I'll never have a child of my own with someone I can respect! I love that kid so much!

But first I'm gonna spend how ever many of the next how ever many years teaching him about how horrible and superficial women really are!

women are attracted to successful men and men with power (which includes money)...this is not a bad thing, and I would not want them to be any other way.

your negative feelings about women are surely pathologic.

EXACTLY!

Men with power over them (AKA money in the bank)

Sickening...

I get sick of being right...

They want to be dominated, and they don't care how it happens!

I'm not successful! I just had a horrible accident!

I'm right, and I've been proven right!

Keep on rockin' in the free world...

another line that will get no where with me. I am into bdsm with my wife...not only do I not find the exercise of power in intimate relationship sickening, but I am bored to tears when there is no power being used.


i catch hell for saying it, but yes, i think that most women need a man who will throw them up against the wall and otherwise use force at the right time, though many women dont have enough self awareness to understand this about themselves. I limit myself to playing with women who do, not so much because I fear the law (though to some extent I do) but because I dont need the drama of being with a woman who does not understand what she needs.

you michael keep acting like a guy who has failed to be successful with the women, but being unable to take inventory of yourself cops out by blaming women.

grow up.

I don't need to know a DAMN thing about being "successful with women" anymore.

I can just buy whatever affection I want...

It's been proven that women are only as loyal as your pocket book is wide.

People are a cancer on the earth, which is a living thing unto itself. There is no higher will.

It is sickening. Women are proof positive that life is meaningless .

People don't love you for who you are. They love you for what you can provide for them. That's selfishness; there's nothing meaningful in that.

Women are proof positive that everything is random and words like "love" have no meaning whatsoever...

It's all just evolution. We're just a bunch of goddamn monkeys...

so what do you think....about 5 years or so before you suicide?

I dont get it...I am over 50 but still having a great time, doing new things, testing myself, I am no where near ready to move on. Here you are with money to do what ever you want, to include buying yourself some cute ass who will let you do what ever you want to her, and all you can talk about is how life sucks, how women suck.

maybe firefly is right and this is what mental illness looks like.

" Here you are with money to do what ever you want, to include buying yourself some cute ass who will let you do what ever you want to her, and all you can talk about is how life sucks,"

That's EXACTLY why life sucks!

I'm the same person I was before the money, only WORSE now because my mobility is all messed up and limited AND I have a big scar. And now I'm magically more attractive to women?!?!?! Explain the ******* logic in that to me!

I want someone to love me for ME!

That's not a possibility! And I've known that all along! That's why Mary ran off with that old man! That's why my fiance was a whore and cheated on me! It doesn't matter who you are, or how you live your life, or how you better yourself. It's luck of the draw! And I don't feel lucky, I feel like I just pulled the mask off of Satan!

Life is ridiculous!

Forget suicide in 5 yrs, how about right now instead?? What's the point in living in this random video game we leave to chance and call life???

Human beings are just monkeys who can talk. Only we're worse because we do all kinds of horrible things to each other.

It's sick...

Then stop whining.

****, I had an injury left me 20% disabled down the right hand side, in 1999 think I thought no one would want me? Because I was diagnosed with only being able to work 20hrs a week, pftttt what guy wants that, a wife that can only half do her job, not as good at chores and erm...

Guess what Michael.............................. I work 40hrs, sometimes more, sometimes 12hrs in one day, I sleep 1 hr a day most times due to pain or overtired from overdoing it to recover, get massages to help ease the muscles , my fiance vaccums, because it's too heavy for me, we share as much as possible with stuff and yes, I am engaged, 3 years now. And run a business.....

What's your problem?

You need to get over this self pity and you need to get over it now.

That won't happen. It's self indulgent, remember how he responded to the guy with no limbs?

This is another form of attention seeking, don't waste any more time on him.
At the end of the day he's a narcissist.

I'm not self pitying... I'm relived that I don't have to worry about the medical stuff anymore...

I've gotten better since the accident, even before the settlement. I'd been working on recovery. Working hard. I've got a lot more work to do. It's not about that.

It's about how I was right all along. This girl I've been seeing, she's a tart. I mean she's nice, but there's no way in hell she'd have been interested in me if I hadn't had that encounter with her that night where she found out about my financial situation...

I don't give a **** about self pity in the least. What depresses me is that the world my little nephew is growing up in is a world where no woman is gonna love him unless he has money.

Sick...

Females are completely superficial, you MUST see how I've been proven right here...

And yes the the girl I'm seeing is superficially attractive too. I see where I'm doing the same thing. BUT I'm being upfront about it.

In fact I treat her like absolute crap, and she eats it up!

Which also proves I was right about how women like to be treated like crap!

And the most important part of all this is that NEITHER the money NOR the girl are making me happy.

They're just entertaining for the moment...

Yeah, well I think my ex-husband thought he saw a meal ticket too with compensation, then he decided that oh, he hurt himself 9 months after marriage and he went for, compensation....

Not all is what it seems, there will be people in this world Michael which was his name, too......................that will just do what they have to to score what they think is a prize but Karma bites them in the azz, trust me.

Just a comment, when my ex tried to get back with me, I asked him one question, "what is it, that you like about me the most".. His answer was " you are good looking and intelligent" that was enough to tell me, f off... handbag and money.....

People can play an amazing game right up until marriage and then......... the truth is revealed..

The point I will make to you is .........I HAVE A FIANCE and he is not interested in if I will be the better bread winner one day, as he stands alone, all he is interested in is that I love him... And, that is what life is about.

You think it's not possible? With more of myself divuldged ahhh, I am telling you IT IS.

Here is the thing... The day I said, na, f that, sheez, how did I get sucked in, is the day I said, (no wish list), this is who I am, this is what I do accept and this is what I do not accept and all the confidence in the world was mine...

I handed my fiance my business card and said, call me, after 2hrs accidental meeting and we just clicked, he did, the rest is history.

If you don't know yourself and what you want in life, what you will and won't accept from a person you can't walk with your head held high and find it.

I remember that video seeing it hear and seeing it everywhere Amazing...but that's the person who has guts, determination, a fighter, doesn't care about pain or disability, works towards being alive and happy to be so, I am who I am attitude.

Hi Izzy long time no speak .

You just don't get it do you. Princesses that want to be looked after and not fend for themselves financially are superfical.

You MUST see how everyone has proven YOU wrong. And generally they are attractive that is what they use, that and sex..

You are the idiot for dating that kind.

Sorry

if anyone can explain to me how I'm all of a sudden desirable to a beautiful woman right after I suddenly come into money and that money has nothing to do with it ...I'm all ears...

If not, then I'm proven right in all I previously thought to be true about women...

Period.

Period, only women bleed.

So Mr Smart man, all women are superficial? Mmmmmm.. Ok..

Now you are pissed because you tell them you have money, someone good looking latches on, you get sex yay Michael, and then pissed cause it's about money.

Don't tell them.

But, then, you have to let go of your self image, injuries and maybe, no I won't go there... it's giving more info on me and ya know.