Can life have meaning if your dreams are unattainable?

"These moments only become meaningful afterwards when you try to recall them."

I agree NoSuchThing,

Nobody has ever loved me (for real) in my life. But I take my own meaning away after the fact. It's may be an imaginary thing, but I take something from it.

It may only exist in my own head, but so be it. Each person lives within their own subjective reality.

So nobody gives a ****, so what? As long as you know you gave it 100% of your all, everything you got ...then who gives a ****... you did the best you could.

Life is a joke, I stand by that.

It's too short and there are just too many uncontrollable, unpredictable agents involved.

If you did the best you could, and still failed ...who can fault you for that?

At least you were 100% of you...

Also,

Peace and love...

and never treat someone worse than you would want to be treated.

I think doing that would reduce life's meaningfulness whether it's living in the moment or after the fact in reflection...

even if it's your worst enemy...

always do unto others... if for nothing else then just to maintain the higher moral ground for your own reflection.

I truly believe that...

Being 100% of a failure is nothing to be proud of. More substantial stock says rather " I am going to keep trying until I make it!"......so yes, I fault your lackadaisical attitude.

You are a pussy, and as such you will continue to get run over by others, such seems to be your lot in life.

"You are a pussy, and as such you will continue to get run over by others, such seems to be your lot in life."

So be it then,

at least I didn't treat people like ****. At least I treated people with the respect I wish I'd been given.

I'd rather be remembered for for being kind and being a 'pussy', then being a fake douche who uses others as tools to get what he wants...

is this what Mary remembers about you?

Ya, probably that, but this is not a good thing when it comes to women.

This entire thread has been about how you dont get what you want, and why. But you have not learned a damn thing, have you....

If I can take a different turn on this from Hawkeye - this is both right, and a load of rubbish.

The reason it is right, is because we should always have empathy & respect for others when dealing with them.

The reason it is a load of rubbish is because you have spent your life being a nice guy...which leads to problems when things get difficult.

When people treat deliberately hurt your feelings, you don't treat them with sweetness, nor do you roll over and accept it.

When people deliberately hurt you - it's fine, and right, to get angry (deliberately hurting you can come in many forms : manipulation, stabbing in the back, sleeping around behind your back, crap gossip etc).

...of course, there is getting angry, and there is getting vengeful/petty etc (which are two different things. One shows the persons emotions, the other shows the persons character)

One of the things that I've been trying to show you is that you need to build the foundation that is you. Currently you are seeking approval from everyone else as to what your worth is. That's like building a high set stone house on skinny wooden stilts - the house looks great, but if someone kicks a stilt, it all collapses, and you wonder what's wrong with the upper storey...rather than realising that you need a more solid foundation. And so you build it up again, and the stilts get kicked out...and you blame the masonry. And you build it up, and the stilt gets kicked out again...and you think it's impossible to build a house - that you can never have a house that stands...

The skinny stilts are your individual self, the stone upper floor is your social self. If the bottom floor were also made of masonry, it wouldn't matter how much someone kicked - the upper floor would still remain standing, and you wouldn't believe that it's impossible to build a house that can remain standing up...Ie. you'd feel much better about yourself.

That is to say, start doing things for you, because you like them, and because it is you, and because you value what it brings to your life, and you value those qualities in yourself...and the social side of you can be constructed on top that.

The motivation must first be for yourself, before you can build a genuine article for others (contrary to all the 'others come first' crap we've been taught in the west. As I've previously said 51/49)

If you still doubt the 51/49...think of this - who has the more love to offer : a person who has built a foundation of warmth into himself
the size of the the base of the great pyramid of Giza (and believes in 51/49), or a person whose foundational warmth is only the size of the base of the Washington Monument (and believes in 40/60) ?

"This entire thread has been about how you dont get what you want, and why. But you have not learned a damn thing, have you...."

I've learned plenty.

Remember, I said I'm moving? I stepped that up to the end of this month. No point in living here, in the past. Time to embrace whatever comes next. Good or bad, I'm ready...

"Quote:
I'd rather be remembered for for being kind

is this what Mary remembers about you?"

Mary was a whore who's had more dicks in her than a urinal at the bus stop.

She didn't deserve me.

I deserve better.

I've learned to not let women get away with their bad behavior, to not be 'nice', because that IS deceptive.

I will call a spade a spade and a bitch a bitch. I will learn from my experiences with evil.

But I won't ever treat someone as bad as I've been treated. That would make me no better than what I hate...

only read the first line of this vikorr,

please refer to my response to hawkeye's bullshit that I just posted...

I'll read the rest of this later.

tired, drunk, going to bed...

Alright, I read the rest of this.

So you don't have to keep hammering in the working on myself stuff vikorr. I get it.

I wish I could go back in time and have been able to realize that I wasn't doing enough for myself and was doing too much for Mary while it was going on, and that she did deliberately hurt me, and in some ways I enabled her to do that.

I wish I could mostly because I fear I will never have a chance to get things right with someone again. Because I don't believe I'll ever be with someone I really like again.

I'm abandoning things here so I can leave and start from scratch. I'm scared though. It's gonna be really hard. I've never lived anywhere else. Starting from square one, far away from my comfort zone, where I don't have any friends, don't know anybody. Don't even have a job yet. I know I have to get things right this time. I have to change how I present myself to others, because I want everybody I meet from here on out to see the me I want to become (even if I'm not there yet), not the me I'm unhappy with. I want to leave that person behind.

I want to like myself more. I want to look in the mirror and feel better about myself. It's hard. I feel so ugly. I look at my eyes and stuff...

I saw somebody die while I was at work yesterday. Life can end just like that...

I still can't imagine ever being able to have a wife and child. I don't see how that could ever happen for me. But I've seen so much death around me throughout my life. I know I won't be here forever. I just want to smile a little more while I'm here. I'd like to try to find some sort of meaningful satisfaction again in life. It's so hard to let go of that dream of being a dad and a husband. But I know I have to look for other things to give my life meaning. Maybe they don't exist ...I don't know.

I just don't want all the time I have left to be spent being angry. Anger is the hardest thing to let go of.

Looks like you are arriving at a healthy conclusion. Harboring a constant feeling of anger is like cancer, I'll eat you up and spit you out.

You're coming to the first step: love and like yourself! If you don't like yourself, how can you expect others to do? Work on yourself and things will fall in place. You're still young to turn your life around. Good luck!

Hi Michael - good to hear

The last advise just given to you was good.

No matter where you move to, what you do, without loving you, it won't work.

But, I wish you the best as well, it's a new beginning for you, make it happen Michael... Believe.... In you.

Only if you choose to keep re-stoking the fire of those angry feelings with thoughts that justify them. Stop re-stoking that fire, and it will die out. Simply accept whatever has happened in your life and move on.

Then allow yourself to focus on what you do have, fully appreciate and enjoy what is available to you, find something to savor throughout each day, and stop focusing on what you don't have, or think you'll never have, and stop feeding your jealousy of what you think other people have. Meaningful satisfaction comes from a job well done, getting something accomplished, making a decision that has a positive effect, acting in ways that are consistent with your values and ideals, meeting a challenge, solving a problem, choosing the best alternatives, and just fully enjoying whatever there is to enjoy--and opportunities to bring about, and experience, such meaningful satisfactions are available to you every single day in ways both big and small.

Meaningful satisfaction comes from all the small stuff of daily living--if you allow yourself to realize that--and it comes only from within you, from your own capacity to allow yourself to feel satisfied, your capacity to find sources of satisfaction, and from your own capacity to act in ways that leave you feeling good about yourself, and proud of yourself, at the end of the day. It's not about whether fantasies or "dreams" are obtained--it's about how you live, and experience, your life moment to moment.

I sincerely hope that giving yourself a new start, in a new place, will be a positive turning point for you. Good luck, MichaelJ.

So here's what happened after I left in case any of you are curious...

I was in a car accident. It happened about two hours after I left town. The moving truck I rented flipped. I landed upside down. I broke my arm and was thrown from the truck. Cut up, but I survived. I've had constant pain in my back since. I lost 90% of what I owned. Everything was in that truck. All my camera equipment, everything that it had taken an entire lifetime to acquire, gone.

The accident is likely to be ruled no one's fault. I'm not even sure myself what happened. It happened so fast.

Bills are pilling up. I'm in pain every day, and I've lost everything. Priceless things that my dad left me, and just stupid things like letters and notes and stuff that made me happy that I saved from people, everything. I have no way to pay these bills or to even look for work right now. I can't even get myself around town, and I'm scared to death to drive now. I don't think I'll ever be able to do that again mentally. I close my eyes and I see that truck flipping. Even riding in cars freaks me a bit...

I've tried to be positive but I can't. My sister has helped me greatly, but I've lost so much.

Life is truly a joke. I doesn't make any sense and it never will.

I tried to change my life and look what happened.

Whatever unseen, cosmic forces are out there simply will NOT allow me to live a life that can be meaningful to me.

And I'm more sure than ever now that I will never be married or a father. With all these bills... No way to rebuild... No future...

I really believe this is the end. If it isn't I don't want to know what's next.

You said, you were going to make a new beginning, that you learnt, that you listened and then you left.

Life therefore threw you an obsticle to jump, after all you said you could do it.

JUMP IT!

You are alive, strengthen your muscles, look for work, pay the bills and start your new beginning.

I'm very sorry to hear of your accident, and your injuries, and the loss of your property.

I hope you will feel better soon and that you will find the inner stamina to help you cope with your current situation.

If you want to use these events to re-confirm everything you previously felt about having no future, and life being a joke, there doesn't seem to be much point in talking to you about it any further. I hope your attitude will change, but there isn't much else I can say that I haven't already said to you before.

I still wish you well.

I don't want to feel this way.

I really tried firefly. All I've ever known from life is loss. I just feel no control at all over my destiny. Like I can work as hard as I want and someone or something will just pull the rug out from under me.

And physical pain colors everything a different shade than it really is. The place I moved to is very pretty. Beautiful rolling hills and wildlife outside town, and some of the best architectural beauty in the entire U.S. inside the city.

I can't appreciate it. I just hurt all the time. And even if I didn't, I wouldn't have my cameras to capture all that beauty.

I just don't understand why life can't ever be good. There's never any respite. The sadness, and pain, and loss just go on forever until your soul is black and your heart is dead.

It can be, and it is, and your life could be worse.

Be glad you weren't more seriously injured in the accident. Be glad you have your sister to help you out. Count your blessings for a change.

You've been feeling sorry for yourself since you started this thread--in fact you started this thread because you were feeling sorry for yourself. Now you feel you have even more reasons to feel sorry for yourself. Enough already with the self pity.

Well, that's reality. No one has control over their destiny. The only thing you can control is your attitude toward the things that happen in your life.

And your attitude is what you need to work on, MichaelJ, it's what you've needed to work on since you started this thread.

I hope you feel better soon. Good luck.

Great advice.

I think it is going to be wasted advice though. I think there are two types of people in the world.

One's who always play the victim. Life is always the problem. They never have anything good happen to them because they don't remember the good things, they only focus on the bad. The don't want to find cures for their problems and only want to complain about them. This is the type of person when offered a cure will complain about needing a cure. Or they become some wrapped up with their problem they don't know how to handle themselves if the problem were to be solved.

Then there are the people who realize they have a problem and look for ways to solve it or forget about it until they can do something about it. It is pointless worry or pondering over a problem if there is nothing you can do about it at that exact moment, so let it go. When you brush your teeth in the morning you don't keep thinking about the tooth paste all day long. You should do the same for the problems you can't fix right now. There is no sense in worry about things you can't change or fix. Accept them and move on. Things can't always be bad all the time. If they are, then you are more than likely doing something to make things bad, all of the time.