Can life have meaning if your dreams are unattainable?

Michael.

You say you love your sister.. That you for the most part was the Adult, bringing her up.. What an achievement don't you think? Because of you, she has a life, a better one than she would of. She would know that. So, you are pretty sure you are going to top yourself.. That's the end result for her? No Mother, No Father and now No Brother, good one. Re-think that, you have a duty in this life at least to her.

When you visit this dream.. Change it. Sit next to your Father, not across from him and just talk...

About my ex? Like you, a great "hider" of pain.. Outgoing, funny and attentive. Until, the day he married me.. Then it all came to surfice. He hated women.. His Grandmother was controlling, his Mother got ill from Cancer, had it for 10 years, his Father committed suicide over fraud and ending up in Gaol and rummer had it, he was gay, hense her illness. He will forever, find a woman and forever, lose that woman.. Ring a bell?

His first wife cheated on him, because she gained weight and he demanded she go to the gym, didn't love her for her, show pony was what he wanted... Found that out later Second wife, me, didn't... But, then he wants to cheat me, financally, another greed on his behalf, when I walked with nothing and wanted nothing. But I left, and found someone else. Ring a bell?

You can not walk this earth holding onto the past.

Go and fly that plane.. Make him proud.
Make something of yourself, for you to be proud of, your sister is proud of you.

See the thing is, you, like Michael and yes that's his name too, just walk the Earth, in pain of the past and can't move into the present although both of you try to, but you can't hold onto that woman, because you can't reach the present as the past is still there.

Make something of yourself. It's time to make changes.

"Anyone of us can learn things from anyone else...even from people we hate. "

Good point. It would seem at the very least we can learn what not to do. But I understand what you're saying. People labels others as one set thing and then whatever they say is categorized according to that. I would say I've been victim to that in this thread also. I really wouldn't consider myself a misogynist, but what do I know about myself? I've only lived in this skin for 33 years...


I'm really trying vikorr. I don't want to die. I'm trying to grow, because as I think you said 'unless we are growing, we are dying.' I just get so discouraged. My downs are WAY down. They're very painful.


"May I suggest that you try interacting with women for yourself? I know that sounds illogical, because you do need to be interested in them in order to have a relationship...but the point of doing it this way is - you do it purely as a learning exercise - to do so multiple times, and whatever the result, use what you learn, and approach the next woman. Get on dating sites, and see how many dates you can get - purely for the sake of learning as much as you can.
Doing it this way, at least you'll start learning about yourself (which is the most important part), and then about womens likes & dislikes."

I understand what you're saying. I just FEEL so unattractive. I have confidence issues when interacting with women. Especially if I'm attracted to them.

And like I said in that longer post, I've haven't been with a woman sexually since Mary. When a long time passes between women especially if I haven't had sex for a long time, something weird happens in my brain. If I meet a woman I'm attracted to, the power of her attractiveness mixed with my own insecurities and obvious horniness just makes me say "**** it!" inside my own head. It's like I shut down and give up. Like I feel like I don't have a chance so I give up. I'm aware I do this. I used to be really bad with this when I was younger. I can think of lot's of women I was attracted to that I wouldn't even approach because I immediately assumed they wouldn't like me. Maybe that didn't make sense, but it's the best way I could describe it.

Also it's hard because I'm moving. So I know I could gain some experience and practice, but I also know that just because of the move it will be a long time before I even have the possibility of another relationship. And it's already been a LONG time. I'm only human, I get lonely...

"the first being to take a progressive effort of adjustment to standards on which you must physically and psychologically take care of yourself and your needs to regain functionality among social grounds."

Not sure quite how to go about this, but I do realize I need better functionality for betterment of all areas of my life. Depression is so hard for me to escape from.

"you will learn that there is also no other "being" on this world capable of a more complete and unconditional love then women can."

I just don't see how this can be true. I see so many conditions that are required for a woman to love you.

And what are these 'advantages' men have that you speak of? I'm being sincere, I'd really like to know what advantages I could possibly have over a creature as amazing as a woman.

As for your second post, so you're saying someone with an opposite personality to me would be most ideal as a mate?

"You say you love your sister.. That you for the most part was the Adult, bringing her up.. What an achievement don't you think? Because of you, she has a life, a better one than she would of. She would know that. So, you are pretty sure you are going to top yourself.. That's the end result for her? No Mother, No Father and now No Brother, good one. Re-think that, you have a duty in this life at least to her."

I'm not the most important man in her life anymore. She's got two men now that are way more important to her, her awesome husband, and my nephew.

"but you can't hold onto that woman, because you can't reach the present as the past is still there."

Both of those women were something pretty awesome. If I hold onto them it's probably because I don't think I'll ever get something that awesome again.

I've thought about flying before MANY times. If it happens it will have to wait until my life situation is more stable, not saying it couldn't ever happen. I just wish Dad could be there with me if it did, even though I know that's fantasy.

That's something I think you should talk to your local doctor about - depression can release chemicals in your brain that help keep you depressed. The purpose of anti-depressants is to combat that...

...and if you aren't depressed they have no affect (a GP told me that, as I had to go there with my mother who is deaf, and and fell into depression after her marriage broke down).

As for 'if you aren't growing, you are dying' - I said that in relation to our minds...but even if you are 'dying' it's not irreversible (being the brain) - see my previous comments on neuroplasticity. I went through a period when I was about 30 where I could almost swear I could feel my brain going to mush, and experienced a loss of intelligence. The problem was that my job was no longer mentally challenging. I had learned all I could in it, and everything was just coming by rote - that I would consider as a period of 'dying'. I got out of that job and haven't looked back.

I don't have a suggestion for this one. It's a tricky one for LOTS of men. Maybe start with ones you don't find too attractive - remember it's about learning about yourself...as you learn, perhaps then you could move up to the prettier ones.

And again - go on multiple dating sites. For men it's usually a numbers game. By the way - the really pretty ones get spammed badly (I have an attractive female friend who occasionally uses those sites, and she gets somewhere in the vicinity of 40 replies a day. Another girl I was talking to said she got around 100 per day). Others of course, don't get that many.

I think we can all relate to this. I don't think there's anything wrong with you starting now. If you do meet up for a date, then you can tell them (after a little time building rapport) something like "I would like you to know that I am moving soon, but I do so enjoy the company of women, so I hope you don't mind that we met up for this date?"

...its a common tautology to accept that there are conditions for anything which in turn does n´t say a thing on the potential someone has or has not to love....maybe what you meant is that mostly such conditions are hard to be fulfilled or that women expect to much...not necessarily a bad sign quite on the contrary...



...again not necessarily as in some cases people look for "genotype confirmation" (a theory of my own) but mostly people look for traits they don´t have or somehow need to correct...extremely tall find little people attractive, small hears look for large hears, and psychologically speaking often goes the same way...obviously this is a dumbed down version on matters of fact as most of these characteristics are inter related and is not that simple to make an assessment...but that you already know.



...the old 70´s idea that man and women are equals was no short of ridicule and currently abandoned....certainly seams true that men and women are equivalent and complementary which is a different statement all together...as for exactly naming what the differences are and how can they represent any sort of advantage or disadvantage on how courtship is conducted, a better way of putting it is to say that the process of approach to the opposite sex is must be entirely different, or to each its own weapons, well...I leave to do some reading on feminine/masculine psychology as I personally prefer to dodge the heat from a such heavily loaded problem, as most women rather hear on the advantages without ever admitting any sort of "handicap" but I can assure you they are well known and established...needless to say that the use of such "weapons" is only legitimated when the interest is also genuine...

"or that women expect to much"

yup.

"...the old 70´s idea that man and women are equals was no short of ridicule and currently abandoned....certainly seams true that men and women are equivalent and complementary which is a different statement all together...as for exactly naming what the differences are and how can they represent any sort of advantage or disadvantage on how courtship is conducted, a better way of putting it is to say that the process of approach to the opposite sex is must be entirely different, or to each its own weapons, well...I leave to do some reading on feminine/masculine psychology as I personally prefer to dodge the heat from a such heavily loaded problem, as most women rather hear on the advantages without ever admitting any sort of "handicap" but I can assure you they are well known and established...needless to say that the use of such "weapons" is only legitimated when the interest is also genuine..."

That didn't answer my question at all, and now I'm double curious what sort of advantages I as a male could ever have over a woman.

"By the way - the really pretty ones get spammed badly (I have an attractive female friend who occasionally uses those sites, and she gets somewhere in the vicinity of 40 replies a day. Another girl I was talking to said she got around 100 per day). "

Feeds into my views of inequality among the sexes. I guarantee even the good looking males aren't getting 100 replies per day...

Your grammar expresses your LOGIC (drunk or sober).





David

"Your grammar expresses your LOGIC (drunk or sober)."

Ummm ...what???

U posted an implicit criticism of my support of grammar.
I rose to the defense of my concept.





David

...regarding your curiosity you have a good remedy go n get some reading done...but let me just tell that if your idea of advantage is measured in quantity rather then quality your interest in women is rather vague to say the least...

...but lets not say I wont give you an hint based precisely on your last reply Michael, to pull your number, women in a hundred candidates for a date have to deal with a problem of quantity over quality as most of them is not really interested in long term commitment but rather on getting occasional fun...usually, as there are exceptions of course, the same cannot be said in the opposite direction as normally when women give you an opportunity their interest is well focused...whether you make the best of it or not is an entirely different question...and there you go regarding one of the potential advantages you have as a man !

I'm quite aware what it can feed in to.

I'm surprised you use the term inequality - men and women are not biologically equal, and to suggests otherwise has always been absurd (not just on your part, but on anyone that demands that men & women are equal in everything).

Men are genetic programmed for hunting, women are genetically programmed to acquire....this spills over into the realm of 'mating', and for these reasons alone, women will always have more men chasing them, than men will have women chasing them.

This isn't womens fault (that men are hunters), and it's certainly something you will have to get over, because it's not going to change, unless you find a way to alter the entire human races genetic blueprint. By the way -I don't logically see how you can blame women for men being hunters.

Men are also programmed to be genetically stronger than women (useful for hunting), be more focused than women (useful for hunting), work through pain better than women (useful for hunting), be more physically co-ordinated than women (useful for hunting)...it'd be pointless a woman crying about the unfairness of this as those male strengths (ie advantages) play out in daily life...

...but they are instead (generally) attracted to these abilities.

I'm not at all saying they are biologically equal, but they're supposed to have equal rights and responsibilities in society. At least that's what the world wants you to believe.

It's the same as our arguments about numbers of partners. You said for every girlfriend, that person also has a boyfriend. However (as I argued before) those women have more partners overall than their boyfriends do (overall), even though for each male/female couple, there are two parts. Because when that boyfriend in each scenario becomes an ex-boyfriend, that woman then meets some other male faster than her ex-boyfriend meets a new woman (simply because there are more options available that are actively HUNTING for women like her). Therefore females have more relationships overall because there is less down time spent looking for someone else.

So it really is unfair. The female has much less work to do, if any work at all to do to attract men. And the same concept is on display when you think about the physical act of sex between a man and woman. The burden rests mostly, if not 100% squarely on the man. If the man can't achieve an erection, sex (coitus) can't take place. However if the woman has problems in achieving proper lubrication, sex CAN still take place. It may not necessarily be all that enjoyable for her, but at least she doesn't feel shamed that she caused it not to occur at all. And there is always lubrication that can be purchased and used as an easy, NON-drug related remedy. Women don't have to do anything special in bed in order to be considered "good". All they have to do is show up. Men on the other hand HAVE to put on a good performance or else face ridicule for not stepping up to the plate. Because as everyone knows men orgasm much easier than women.

So it would seem that nature has on many levels given females advantages over men. Yet in society women also get all the same rights (such as the right to vote, ect.) as men. So in fact women have much more power, yet are still viewed as a 'minority'. That's why crimes against women are viewed more harshly than crimes against men.

"Men are also programmed to be genetically stronger than women (useful for hunting), be more focused than women (useful for hunting), work through pain better than women (useful for hunting), be more physically co-ordinated than women (useful for hunting)...it'd be pointless a woman crying about the unfairness of this as those male strengths (ie advantages) play out in daily life..."

But women DO cry about those strengths. Men also use these same skills in the workplace. Men typically speaking, gravitate towards higher stress jobs than women. Typically speaking these jobs also pay more. However women still reserve the right to bitch that their pay isn't equal when they don't 1) Actively seek higher paying/higher stress jobs more, and 2) Don't have the 'hunting' skills due to nature intending it that way.

So where if men complain that it isn't fair that women have to work less hard to find partners in the dating/mating realm, they are then said to be complaining illogically (which is what I take it you are saying of me), BUT if nature gave these hunting/ect skills to men and they use them to their benefits in the workplace, THEN women reserve the right to say it's unfair because they are paid less.

That sir is hypocrisy at it's finest (or worst as the case may be).

If more is expected from men, then women should have ZERO right to bitch about things that result in benefits for men from their harder work.

Either that or if women want to cry and bitch when they already have more advantages over men in society for a smaller price to pay, then they shouldn't get the same OTHER rights in society that men have.

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as she is the most dangerous plaything."

~Friedrich Nietzsche

There are a lot of women like this these days....females such as Rihanna. I don't mind.

...you ought to learn that the MAIN reason is not the hunting thing Vikorr spoke before...that is a correct yet partial explanation...rather sperm is cheap and eggs rare biologically speaking...
...so women should/must seek the best sperm...and this is in the very interest of the species evolution...
...now I wonder you being a men what's wrong with you ? don´t you like to compete ? it should be 2 nature to you...maybe that's what's wrong...you are not a hunter you are a whiner...and its not about disability but base genetic...a disabled hunter would still act and behave like a hunter...it would still catch women's eyes...

Your post plays right into my long standing argument that young males today 0ften don't know how to be men. Under this theory the problem with MJ is not that his mom was a bitch and that he now thinks that most women are bitches, it is that his father failed to teach him how to be a man.....he failed to teach MJ how to deal with the bitch gender, and thus he was left defenseless.

You are just proving my point further...