Question

I wonder... I mean, I would tie in with the 'jerk syndrome' thing I mentioned earlier, but she has SO MUCH to be proud of. She's 20 and 12 weeks off her final exams, she's hoping to do a master's degree, she's beautiful, popular, publicly confident. Sure, I of all people know that a confident exterior can mask something else inside, but I dunno...

The phrase "sowing wild oats" comes to mind.

Drewdad's point about, essentially, social capital, reminds me of another Pratchett refernce. In one of the science essay bits in 'The Science of Discworld II', he talks about women's affairs falling into broadly two brackets, put crudely, these are 'slumming it' and 'sleeping up the social ladder', with the latter being the most common (long sentence, sorry).

Now, she always goes for 'slumming it', so (and these are the questions which preoccupy my mind, mon ami Hastings) why is this?

Ok.

Well, have you ever thought of the fact that her parents have high expectations of her? Her parents are the ones that are paying for her to climb the ladder and she rebels, wanting also to be her own person?

Or, alternatively, that she doesn't see her own beauty, she "hopes" to do a master's degree but doesn't believe in herself that she can make it.

Either way that puts her in the "slumming it" bracket... She's not a princess who wants to take..

I often think if someone is gung ho at the attempt to achieve in life, then someone has put a notation to them that they never well, or an expectation on them that they don't want...

hmm, interesting point. She's originally from a lower-middle-class area, so I guess there might be pressure to make the jump to upper-middle, pathetic as that sounds. WE HAVE NO ECONOMY. WE MIGHT AS WELL SELL THE PLACE TO THE YANKS AS A HOLIDAY RESORT, AT LEAST IF WE DID THAT WE'D BE ABLE TO PAY OUR DEBTS!!!!!

ok...calming down...

everyone goes a bit wild in college, and her social life is pretty sedate compared to some people I know, but maybe this is a form of rebellion... is there a shrink in the house?

Ask her

You are her friend right? You can talk sensibly and well, with alot of humor as well... hold a conversation with her about it without her knowing the question is being asked, pertaining to her personally.

You do realise there are a lot of Americans on this Forum oh oh, shall this thread turn? lols

meh, I'm Irish. When we say 'Yanks', you know we mean it endearingly. We owe you our livelihoods, after all... and we're related to half of ye!

Maybe I could try asking her that way. But she's got such poise and precision in everything she does, I'd find sneaking information out of her pretty hard...

I'm flattered that I've impressed someone who (judging by your posts here) is as intelligent and thoughtful as you. Nice username too, by the way

Meh, I am Australian with an Irish sirname, lols... With Spanish and Sweedish blood.

Sure you are not my nephew in another life then? : )

Don't make it "sneaking" make it a conversation, in general. You've noted alot of your friends rebel over what their parents expect out of them and you agree, as an example...

I think the key to any success is to establish as many facts as possible, because in that, the information you gleen, assist you in understanding.

Compliments will get you everywhere

Found Soul... When I arrived here, I was often thought of as a male IDK...

I'm definately a woman

Ah, the Aussies. I was born in England to Irish parents (we later moved back home) and I've always supported the Australian cricket team. Shane Warne was my childhood hero

I could try that approach. A secondary school classmate of mine used to console us during our last year in school by saying "There's a time and a place for everything, and it's college." That anecdote could be a good icebreaker...

Now he's with Liz, go figure:)

So, where ya up to with this woman?

Well, a mutual friend informed me in casual conversation on Friday that she has a new boyfriend. Apparently he's 24, rich and a pig farmer. Only in Ireland... my reaction was "This is the 21st century, swineherds only get the princess in fairytales" but hey, he's got a job and he isn't a scumbag!

Excuse me, I have to go beat my head off a wall. She didn't even tell me herself that she's met this guy. Although, in fairness, we've all been busy with our dissertations for our degrees, which are due this week. AAARGH! PANIC TIME

LOL'S sorry you write well.

Well, there is that old saying, "If you love someone, set them free, if they come back to you, they are yours if not, they never were".

Maybe you are meant to be concentrating on your degree, for now

Maybe she will hate the smell over time

hahahahahahahaha!

'meant to be' isn't in my personal vocabulary. Ever since I was 14 and I read His Dark Materials, I've insisted that you make your own destiny... if there is an omnipotent deity, it's sure gonna hate me

we spent ages together today, but I note that I spent a few minutes making the page numbers in her dissertation work properly... to quote Me Versus Hero "call me cynical..."

anyway, yeah, I want her to be happy, but I also think I'm overdue some happiness of my own. Christ, I hate Valentine's day. We're commemorating a priest being stoned to death, after all!

And, my dissertation is finished! Whoo-hoo!

Mr Sir SAM Vimes, (cool name)....

Who wrote "His Dark Materials" and what did it suggest to you before you bought it... We do make our own destiny and in that we make mistakes if we don't learn from the past... We live on this Earth as who we are, (once), who ever you are, what ever your beliefs are, what ever your core values are, and morals, personality, dreams, passions, goals, "should" marry who you end up with:) Looks, desires, are well thinking with your um ............. So read that, and tick the boxes and x the boxes

And, so you are her Hero in where she is heading "financially" You are a good friend... She still has her head in, materialistic... Bad boy, good boy get her good grades...

Why on Earth women take so long to realise that good guys treat you right but can be so "badddd" in the right way, I will never know:)

Oh yes I do, maturity and going through so many bad boys they finally realise..

You are dang, overdue for happiness... Stop searching for the "nice girl that says OMG thank you, you are great, getting what she wants and well, not wanting to be with you " ... Have a think there.



Valentines Day sucks for the singles Especially when they like someone.. My step-daughter last night was telling me about her friend OMG, what a tangled situation, she is with a "nice guy" the friend, but likes a bad guy and then her other friend, loves apparently some guy who has a girlfriend who wrote a poem to his girlfriend and she was so down and out when it was read to her... Told by a 13 and a half year old going on 18 Remember Valentines is man made, what are you talking about ? lols... What am I missing? Priest being stoned.

You have an amazing talent, personality.. Stop and see yourself in that mirror

Stoned, clubbed and beheaded: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Valentine#Commonly_accepted_identity_and_testimony

HDM is a trilogy (and 2 companion volumes, with a two more in the works) by Philip Pullman:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/His_Dark_Materials#The_Book_of_Dust

They caused a big controversy in the bible belt

A classmate lent me the first book, and I thought 'why not?' I ended up loving them...

Maybe I should stop helping people lols, especially pretty people

Ah, sure, what can you do? I can't change my feelings, but I can change the proportion of blood in my alcohol stream (kidding...). We're all going out tomorrow to celebrate our dissertations going in, so I'll be sure to have a good time

and I'm tempted to agree with Neil Gaiman's 'Sandman' graphic novels: Desire is an evil *******
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/ComicBook/TheSandman?from=Main.TheSandman

Oooh ahhh

Can't read them now but I will tomorrow and I'm betting I will have some things to say:)

Kind of already seeing you.

Should be part of XXS's threads I think

Help!

Long story... A's best friend (call her B) was once involved in a drunken incident on her knees in an alleyway that resulted in a harmless but embarrassing head injury. The guy was the one who (way back in my 1st post) told A to stop dating scumbags. Let's call him C... and note he's a womanizer. He told pretty much everyone about this, but B doesn't seem to have realised how much he blabbed. There are people in FIRST YEAR who know about it.

Last Thursday, I was going on a date (for the lolz). B was slagging me about my lack of pulling power. One of the lads, a friend of C's, joined in, and I said to him not to worry, that I could be more persuasive than C when I wanted to be.

Saw A and B on Friday, everything seemed grand (but we were all hungover...)

This morning, the same mutual friend who tipped me off about A's boyfriend informed me that B is incredibly mad at me, thinking I was alluding to her little adventure. Clearly, no deep thought (see what I did there? Although Douglas Adams did it first...) went into this decision, but I guess she's still embarrassed, even though it was a year or so ago. I just know she'll turn A against me, even though my friend is trying to convince B it wasn't directed at her.

What on Earth can I do to salvage this situation?

You can't and shouldn't feel that you must.

Write if off to the booze.

Tell them to get over themselves.

My personal attitude is a combination of "Don't hate the player, hate the game" and "Well love, you knew what you were getting into with him" but sometimes personal beliefs have to be set aside to succeed in love. If she manages to turn A against me, all my sarcasm won't get her back

Personal beliefs??? As opposed to what kind of other belief??? To belong to any form of relationships takes a sacrifice of self... People who only take from relationships do not belong in them, but out of them... Whether belief or something else of a personal nature is set aside, the question is, at what point does such a sacrifice become too great for the return, and what will one do about it...