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An Oldie But A Goodie

 
 
Reply Tue 6 Dec, 2011 03:23 pm
Our Friend, having a near death experience, contemplates his life of sin and anxiously awaits his fate in the next world.

An escort meets him at the boundary of hereafter and with a welcoming smile says, “You’re not ready yet friend; you still have another chance. But you’ll return soon, so let me show you what goes on here on the other side.”

Together they enter a great hall where a long candle-lit banquet table is laden with bowls of steaming, fragrant soups, succulent roasts, perfectly cooked vegetables, aromatic loaves of bread, the finest of wines, fruits of every kind, and a dazzling array of cakes and pies. Diners fill every chair, but shockingly, amid luxurious bounty, the scene is one of pain and anguish. Skeletal forms are twisted and moaning in starvation, with barely the strength to strike at each other with their spoons.
Looking closer, our Friend sees that all spoons have long handles—longer than the diners’ arms; too long for the diners to feed themselves. “So this is Hell,” gasps our Friend. “Anger and misery amid abundance. Where’s the Devil?” “Evil resides in the hearts of men,” says Escort, “But, come, let me show you something else.”

The two enter another great hall. And in that hall there is another long, candle-lit banquet table, covered with a similar incredible spread of delicious foods, drinks and sweets. Here the sounds of laughter, chatter and song fill the hall while healthy and happy diners are enjoying the company and the bounty before them.

They, too, have long spoons, but they are feeding each other. “And this,“ the Escort tells our friend, is heaven
 
contrex
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Dec, 2011 04:48 pm
@blueveinedthrobber,
That was meant to be a joke?
edgarblythe
 
  2  
Reply Tue 6 Dec, 2011 05:22 pm
The possibilities of 'food fight' are endless in such a situation.
0 Replies
 
blueveinedthrobber
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Dec, 2011 05:34 pm
@contrex,
no, why did you think so?
contrex
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Dec, 2011 01:18 am
@blueveinedthrobber,
blueveinedthrobber wrote:

no, why did you think so?


Because I couldn't see any other reason to post it, and because it was titled "An Oldie But A Goodie", which is commonly used to describe jokes, and tagged "Jokes" and because it follows the structure of a joke, that is, it leads up to a "punch line" type of conclusion. The only difference that I can see being that it is not funny. It reads like something that an exceptionally dull preacher might make up to use in a sermon for seven-year-olds.
blueveinedthrobber
 
  3  
Reply Wed 7 Dec, 2011 08:25 am
@contrex,
I was watching some of our beloved to the right GOP folks proselytizing about how people in need are drains on society and should just be left on their own and this parable came to mind. I have the old fashioned notion that we do better when we all cooperate and are kind to one another, and that is NOT the exclusive purveyance of the "church" or religion. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater my friend.

The bible says all are born filthy sinners and that offends a lot of people. It offends me when I hear it out of some televangelist snake oil salesman. However when in one of his HBO specials Bill Cosby did a bit about how people who say children are honest are full of ****, they're all born little liars, and then proceeded to tell an anecdote about a 15 month old getting caught taking cookies and lying about it everyone laughed and applauded because A: IT'S THE TRUTH and B: it was presented not in a biblical context. Same message though.

So you see not a joke and IMHO a valuable and timely message, regardless of the context it's presented in.

Organized religion takes a lot of just plain common sense living instruction and surrounds it with control mechanisms, mythology and general bullshit and that obfuscates the basic message that religious books such as the bible present IMO but peel back a little and the basic messages are positive ones.

I personally don't give a **** if Jesus for instance was born to a virgin or if Moses talked to a burning bush, and I certainly don't accept for one minute the conception of an eternal Hell, but I still find value in many religious parables and instruction for how to live a good life. Basically , love one another and don't act like an asshole is what anyone with good sense including the "prophets" are talking about.

I'm rambling. Probably should cut down the amount of meth I put in my morning coffee. Laughing
0 Replies
 
blueveinedthrobber
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Dec, 2011 08:30 am
PS Making a message so simple and dull it appeals even to 7 year olds is unfortunately the only effective way to get your message across to large numbers of people. Let's face it individuals may be smart, but societies and groups of people are about as stupid as it gets.

Do you think for instance if Coca Cola or McDonalds ran commercials going into detail about their ingredients and how they best satisfy our short term culinary urges by the release of what chemicals from our pleasure centers that people would listen attentively or start channel surfing? Therefore they deliver the messages "Coke Is It" and "You Deserve A Break Today". Any dickhead can understand that and it's an unfortunate truth that there are more dickheads than genius' in the world.
0 Replies
 
space007
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Jun, 2012 04:06 am
@blueveinedthrobber,
What a long joke! I'd prefer the shortest the funniest
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Jun, 2012 04:53 am
@blueveinedthrobber,
I don't get it.

Why don't they just hold the spoons close to the part that goes in their mouths? Or better yet, why don't they eat with their hands?
blueveinedthrobber
 
  2  
Reply Thu 14 Jun, 2012 08:14 am
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:

I don't get it.

Why don't they just hold the spoons close to the part that goes in their mouths? Or better yet, why don't they eat with their hands?



I thought we already established that most people are stupid Wink
InfraBlue
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Jun, 2012 09:52 am
Sesame Street had a take on this concept:

0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  2  
Reply Thu 14 Jun, 2012 10:09 am
@blueveinedthrobber,
blueveinedthrobber wrote:
I thought we already established that most people are stupid Wink


Paddy and Mickey are lookin' for work, so they get a brain flash and go down to the Garda station. Mickey says: "Paddy, you go in and see how it goes, and i'll wait out here."

Paddy goes in, and says to the sergeant: "Sergeant, darlin', i'm a big, fine, healt'y boy, so i am, and i want to be a policeman!"

"Well now, Paddy, i'd love to give ye work, so i would--but you're so bloody stoo-pid, i don't suppose ye even know who killed our Lord Jaysus Christ."

"I don't, but i'll find out!'

He comes out and Mickey asks him how it went . . .

"Great, great . . . they put me on a murder case!"
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Jun, 2012 04:56 pm
I met someone named Rockefeller today, so of course this has been in my head...




0 Replies
 
 

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