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Old Dad Jokes...

 
 
Seizan
 
Reply Mon 20 Jan, 2020 03:58 am
I thought it might be interesting to hear some of the jokes that your parents, grandparents, or earlier ancestors might have told (or things they did, or their little quirks, actions, etc. that seem humorous to us nowadays).

Some of these make us cringe.

I'll start.

When I was 6 or 7, I went on a fishing/camping trip with my dad and uncle Eddie. We were sitting around the campfire drinking shots in those old-fashioned bottom-heavy upside-down bullet-shaped shot glasses -- the ones with the slightly wider top and Coke-thick glass on the bottom.

The Big Folks were sipping whiskey while I had apple juice. But I felt all grown up, being "out with the boys" on a weekend.

I asked "Why are these little glasses shaped this way? I mean, all thick at the bottom like that?"

Eddie said "Well, they're heavier at the bottom so they don't tip over and spill so easy."

"Oh, of course. I knew that", I said as confidently as a small boy could say when among adults. Then I said "But why the round shape inside at the bottom? Why not just flat all the way down like a small regular glass?"

My dad said "Well, these are really special shot glasses. They come from Stinky Pete's Bar and Grill -- you know, where I go buy the pizza for our Saturday night TV movies. They're round like that so Stinky can stick his thumb into the wash rag and poke it down to the bottom. Then he turns the glass on his thumb and any leftover or dried whiskey gets washed out easily."

At this, Uncle Eddie laughed and said "Billy, that isn't Stinky Pete's THUMB he pokes in there...!"

They both cracked up over this (being a bit on the inebriated side) and I laughed along with them, but I really didn't get it until, well, a long time after...

I still have two of those shot glasses, BTW. They haven't seen alcohol for more than 40 years, and are now used to crush and mix cat meds.
 
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Mon 20 Jan, 2020 09:18 am
@Seizan,
I'll get to the joke in a moment.

I love when something from the past, like those shot glasses, are used in a new usefull way, rather than going out and buying something that does the same thing.
My mother used to have to make a large number of hamburger patties at one time.
She'd use to pieces of wax paper, a a big can of cling peach to do that.
Place ball of meat on wax paper, cover with another pieces, stomp the can of peaches on them to make round patties.

Ok....

My mother also went to the beauty palor (Emma's Beauty Salon) twice a week.
Saturdays for the wash and set, perm, whatever needed to be done. Wednesdays she went in for a "comb out"

She worked with my father at the business. If anyone came in asking for her, he'd say

"She's at the beauty parlor getting an estimate"

Now come on, that's pretty good.
Seizan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jan, 2020 12:52 am
Kids say things innocently that end up being great jokes...

My older brother was about 8 and asking lots of questions. When he heard the term "muster" in a TV movie, he asked what it meant. He thought it was "mustard" and couldn't figure how it came to have any meaning out on a parade field. Dad explained that it meant assembly, or line-up of military men, usually noted for being sharp in both appearance and performance.

Dad was the commander of the local American Legion Post. When we all went to a special presentation (some marching, presentation of arms, crisp salutes and all that), my brother noticed that one elderly favorite was no longer standing with the troops but preferred to stay in the kitchen preparing the lunch buffet.

Having listened to my father talking with a few friends about old Harold, brother Bobby announced while we were seated at lunch, "Harold made these cheese sandwiches himself! I know, because Dad said Harold is too old to cut the muster, but he sure can cut the cheese..."
roger
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jan, 2020 01:00 am
@Seizan,
Oh, dear.
0 Replies
 
Seizan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Jan, 2020 12:10 am
C'mon folks -- I'm running out of anecdotes...

Not just kids say the most outrageous things quite innocently.

I was 10 and playing violin in the elementary school orchestra. Just for a bit of background, a violin has four strings tuned G, D, A, and E.

My best friend Josh and I were going to play a duet (one of the simpler Pleyel duets, for those who know violin music for kids). Josh was the better violinist but he was really nervous about playing for an audience. I couldn't be at his house every night to practice music with him, but I had an idea... I loaned him my reel-to-reel tape recorder, and told him to record the 2nd-violin part, then play the first part "live" while playing back the taped 2nd part (we didn't have "Music Minus One" back then).

The evening before the concert, Josh's mom called and asked me to come by and work with Josh one more time. Also, Josh had broken one string on his violin, so she asked if I had a spare set. It was too late to get to the music shop downtown, but she would replace the extra string for me later.

When I got there I asked his mom "Has he been playing along with his own taped 2nd-violin part?"

She replied "Oh yes! He played with himself all day until he finally broke his G-string!"

Josh's father was in the living room reading the newspaper; I can still hear his laughter today...
roger
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Jan, 2020 01:15 am
@Seizan,
Sorry. I'm trying to think of something funny about my father, but I'm coming up empty.
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Wed 22 Jan, 2020 01:31 am
@chai2,
My grandfather liked to tell people "Jule's at the magicians" when she was at the salon. One of his favorite bon mots was to say "those horses ovaries look tasty", we always laughed, but I don't use that joke myself.
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Wed 22 Jan, 2020 01:50 am
My Dad got slightly bored with us running into the house asking "where's Mom".....He started to tell us "She's up on the roof". Us: WHAT?? Dad, 'yeah, she's up on the roof knitting a sweater" Us, again: WHAT?? Dad: "She's up on the roof knitting a sweater out of steel wool". He was always pleased with himself about that moment. I couldn't get annoyed.
0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Jan, 2020 08:30 am
I've been reading along. I was three last time I saw my father, so no memories to draw upon.
engineer
 
  4  
Reply Wed 22 Jan, 2020 09:12 am
I was taking my son to daycare and he was in the back in a child seat. When we got there, he said "Let me out, let me out". I opened the door, released the restraints and said "You're free, you're free!" He looked at me with a very serious face and said "I'm not free, I'm two."
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  2  
Reply Wed 22 Jan, 2020 10:16 am
@edgarblythe,
I only wish I could say the same, mine's still alive and he's a right bastard.

0 Replies
 
Seizan
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Feb, 2020 01:30 am
My younger sister just reminded me of this incident in 1st grade...

It was Friday and the last day of school before summer break, and the teacher asked "What will you children do when you are on vacation?"

The kids all had different ideas of what their families were really going to do, and what they fantasized doing, over the summer break. My sister raised her hand and said "I think we are going camping this summer, maybe starting this weekend."

The teacher asked, "And why do you think that?"

Answer (drum roll, please...): "Because mom told Auntie Doris on the phone this morning that my dad raised the center pole last night..."
0 Replies
 
 

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