Comedian Quotes

Jack Handey:

When you go into a job interview, I think a good to ask is if they ever press charges.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which is why, I guess, several of us died of tuberculosis.

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people like I am now.

Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.