Jokes

Because in America the Irish are stereotypically drunks.

In the UK, until very recently at least, they were stereotypically stupid.

Those jokes usually start what,do you call an Irish... or why do Irish....

Neither stereotype is true.

I didn't start writing with an actual joke in mind. It has always bothered me how fluidly jokes slip from present to past context.

I count myself in part among the Irish and I dearly love some Irish writers. Any joke I make or repeat containing any ethnic group is never intended to peg them in a bad way. The Irish are as you say stereotypically drunks. It likely began when they were not a welcome group among the immigrants. It's likely why I first thought of Irish and bar together. Then I used to be a drunk, so who would I be to call names?

Over here it’s the Scots who are drunks, and mean. As Frankie Boyle pointed out when was the last time you met an alcoholic with his finances sorted.

I'll have you know, when I was in the throes of active alcoholism, my finances were very well sorted! Across the bar, in the liquor stores, sorting themselves from my pockets as I stumbled home...

...yep, quite nicely sorted.

I'm even closer to the Scots than the Irish. But I attribute my own drunkenness to growing up with a drunk.

Frankie Boyle said he’d never had a blackout and woken up to find he’d changed his energy provider.

An Irishman, a Scotsman, a Pommie, a priest, a rabbi, a horse, Dave, an infinite number of mathematicians, and the bus driver all walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Vladimir Putin, Queen Elizabeth, and Barack Obama all died and went to Hell together.

They noticed a bright red phone on the reception desk and asked what it was there for.

The Devil told them it was for calling back to Earth.

Putin asked to call Russia. He spoke for five minutes. When he finished, the Devil said the cost of the call was $1,000,000. Putin wrote him a check.

Queen Elizabeth called England and talked for half an hour. The Devil said she owed $6,000,000. She, too, wrote a check.

Then Obama got his turn and talked for four hours. The Devil said he owed $5.

Putin heard this and went ballistic. He asked why Obama got to call home so cheaply.

The Devil smiled and replied ...

"Since Trump took over, the country's gone to Hell. Now it's a local call."

The last two jokes posted stayed in a single context throughout. Which shows it's not that hard to do.

Because it has been deemed politically incorrect to take the micky out of any particular nationality, I have created a mythical country with it own government, and army etc.

Anyway, two inhabitant of my mythical country wanted to immigrate to Australia. After arriving at the Australian embassy and filling out their application forms, they had to see the immigration officer to have their applications approved and signed.

BTW, the name of the two hopeful immigrants are Patty and Mick, Patty is the first to see the officer, who approves his request to immigrate and signs his form, then says to Pat that he had to answer two simple question, to which Patty agrees. To the first question; "If I were to poke out one of your eyes, what would you be?" Patty answers' " I'd be haf blind," then to the second question; "And what if I were to poke out your other eye?" Patty answers; "I'd be totally blind".

Leaving the office, he tells Mick that he was going to be asked two questions, and that the answer to the first was "Haf Blind" and to the second, "totally blind.

Mick then enters the office----same procedure, he also is asked two questions. To the first question, "What if I were to cut off one of your ears, what would you be?" Mick answers; "I'd be haf blind" the immigration officer stares at him for a moment, then asks the second question; "And what If I were to cut of your other ear, what would you be?" Mick answers; "I'd be totally blind".

Puzzled at Micks answer, the officer says; "How the hell do you come to that conclusion?" Mick replies; "Me friggen hat would fall over me bluudy eyes ya stupid bastard". The officer nods his head, signs Micks application, then leans back and sighs.

Tours in Australia now take in the sacred place where the aborigines traditionally go to die, a police station in Melbourne.