Cut your hair, ya damn hippie!

If Mo gets in fights at school, there's a very good chance that it'll get ripped out.

Course, if that was the concern, it probably would have come up by now.

Maybe it's visceral. I have a similar reaction to face and body piercings and tattoos. I can't explain it rationally because it's not rational. That doesn't mean it's not real. I explained it as best I could to K by saying that I don't want to be nauseated every time I look at someone I love.

Maybe it is just one of those father/son things. I wish they'd waited for a bigger battle -- something a little more important.

My parents weren't big about forbidding things but they did forbid on occasion. It taught me to fly under the radar.

Mo is almost painfully honest and he's great about bringing his worries and concerns to us. I don't want him to learn the same lesson I did.

Patiodog and JPB, those are two very plausible explanations.

Mr. B isn't fond of needles and has a hard time getting a shot. Maybe he's just shifting that over to Mo.

Do you have the same reaction to ear piercing JPB?

Yes to gauged lobes, no to simple pierced ears.

I think you said "the piercing battle" had been going on for about a year, boomerang?

Do you think it's a case of the more Mr B says "no", the more determined Mo is that he'll get it?
That sounds very much a father/son tussle situation to me.
If there's one thing that drove my young adolescent self nuts, it was when my parents were being so unfair & so unreasonable (!) when they said "no'. Especially when they couldn't give me an adequate reason why, when I knew I was being perfectly reasonable!

JPB said:
You know this could kind of make sense of Mr B's position.
Perhaps, as others have suggested, it's something he feels very strongly but can't articulate?

The piercing battle started when Mo was about 7! He's dropped it for long stretches but it has recently heated up again.

I still get mad when people won't give me reasons for their decisions. "Because I said so" never ever worked for me!

Similar to you. No idea what the Mister is objecting to, it could be any number of things, if he isn't opening up and speaking we have no idea.

Moving to part 2, we are clearly made for each other. I don't view piercing casually either and I'm not a parent...for which many are grateful, including myself. I too would say no. Then again, I wouldn't have let the child get his hair colored either. I believe piercings and hair coloring should be saved until at least the teens and preferably until they are of legal age.

Moving to the next section and response to boomerang:

At any rate, I know growing up my mother made clear that my sister was not to have her ears pierced until she was 18. She (my sister) moped about it, pleaded again and again, then at 18 she had her ears pierced, nothing more. No tattoos, no hair coloring in the style of Cyndi Lauper or others with multi-colored hair. Good thing too, since she'd have had real trouble a few years later.

Why would my sister have had trouble if she'd had multi-colored hair? Because my niece and nephew went to a much stricter school than Mo. The school itself made clear that mohawks and other head shavings and hair coloring were not allowed and were reason enough for suspension, and extraction from the school if the hair was not promptly and properly returned to natural color.This was in the late 1980s-early 1990s and in a medium size city. My niece and nephew both managed fine with these restrictions as well as their parents no-piercing policy, which including no ear piercing.

Further, for a child who is yet to turn 11, I find it absurd to be handing him this much power. You and your husband are the authorities, these decisions are yours. Explain to Mo that when he is older he can get these things done. Set an age of 18, when he will be of legal age, or if it makes it easier for your household peace, 15 or up, if Mo pays for it himself. The adults set the guidelines not the children, and you add to trouble if you give in now because Mo will view it as a victory and the next time there is a place where you wish to put your foot down, he will look back at this and know he can get anything he wants if he keeps pushing you 2 on it.

At any rate, my sister wanted an ear piercing (actually both ears I supose) was told no and didn't enter into a world of crime or drug usage or piercing everywhere.

I disagree completely on what you call "power".

Kids learn to make decisions by making decisions. In situations where there is little risk and few consequences they should be allowed to choose.

Hair coloring, ear piercing and what kind of clothing to wear all fall into the low risk/little consequence category.

If you allow a child a small "victory" he'll know he can get whatever he wants. Really?

How old is Mo, now?

Is Mr. B big on gender identity? (Baby's must wear pink or blue, boys play with trucks while girls play with dolls, etc.?)

Heck. How old is Mr. B?

He'll be 11 next month.

No, he's not at all into that "boys act this way, girls act that way". After all, he married me and I'm am so not a girly girl.

He's a really easy going, live and let live, kind of guy. That's why this has me so puzzled. It's really out of character.

Mr. B is 49. He lived through the "cut yer hair ya damn hippie" days and remembers how silly it all was -- judging people by their hair length.

It is no longer a small victory. It has gone on for a time now and it will now be a major victory, at least to Mo. He is a child, children do not see things the same as the adult, what to you perceived is as minor, to him may be quite big in terms of getting what he wants.

I don't think so. He's used to not getting everything he wants. That's not the problem here.

I meant to mention in my earlier post -- my niece wasn't allowed to pierce. When she moved out she ended up with about 15 (she doesn't wear them anymore and nobody could ever tell that she had them) she also has full sleeve tattoos and various other tattoos. It can go both ways.

That is a puzzler, then....

Maybe he's taken a stance and can't back down without losing face?



IMO, Mr. B needs to examine his position and come up with a rationale.

I think anyone getting their first tattoo should have to visit an old folks home, and see what they look like after fifty or sixty years. then they can get whatever they want.

it might save some really bad ink...

Agreed!

I've also told Mo he needs to come up with a persuasive argument in his favor.

The good thing to come out of all this is that Mo gets to see that me and Mr. B can disagree without fighting and that we stick together on decisions.

But you can cut your long hair within minutes if you don't like it anymore. You can't plug the holes in your body if you grow tired of your piercings. They're kind of permanent. Also, while long hair, dyed hair, and even tattoos only modify your body's surface, piercings punch holes into your very flesh. There might be subconscious issues with bodily integrity that Mr. B feels uncomfortable about. Just guessing. In the spirit of testing the guess, though, would Mr. B be comfortable if Mo was a girl who wanted to pierce her ears for earrings at this age? Or would he feel eleven is too early?

I think almost everyone has this type of thing – something that they just don’t like or is not comfortable about it and they don’t really know why. Think about it, there may be something that you wouldn’t want to cross the line with even if it doesn’t make sense. Just a gut feeling.

My opinion is if one parent feels really strongly about something for whatever reason, then you should respect that especially if you really do not. My younger girl wants her ears pierced. Not that either one of us are against it, just I think she should wait until she is old enough to really take care of them. Do you think a compromise could be set? Maybe say when you are 13 and old enough to take care of it, you can get it. I suppose Mr. B would still have a buy in, but maybe that maturity of being older could help.

I also remember my mom being so against me get a strip of my hair dyed – used to be popular to get one strip like in the front dyed lighter or darker. She couldn’t really say why she was against it other than she thought I’d look stupid.

That's not really true. I've had my ears pierced on two different occasions and both times they've healed completely. You would only notice it if you looked closely. Same with my niece -- she had a lot of piercings and you could never tell.

But maybe it is some kind of body integrity thing.