Cut your hair, ya damn hippie!

@boomerang,

my dad thought it was a gay thing. simple as that.

not ascribing that point of view to mr B, of course...

Just wondering, boomer ...
Do many of Mo's fellow students have piercings?
Is it something that most of his peer's parents consider to be OK?
Just wondering about what is considered "acceptable" or the "norm" for boys Mo's age in your community.

1 Reply

@boomerang,

boomerang wrote:

In the 1970s when I was in high school parents and children warred over hair length.
Some of the cleanest cut kids were the biggest stoners, troublemakers, rebels I knew.

Now Mr. B and Mo are at war over Mo wanting to get his ear pierced. Mr. B is dead set against it. Dead set.

I don't get it but because I think it's important for parents to stick together I've told Mo no too. Privately I've intervened in Mo's behalf. I don't think it's a big deal for a kid to have a pierced ear... he'll get bored with it and won't even seem to matter.... chances are he'd let the thing heal up and the whole thing would be over with.

This battle between the two has gone on for year but has recently hit new heights. I worry that when Mo hits 18 he'll come home with his face pierced a hundred places -- or worse.

To be honest, I cannot understand why Mr. B is so stubborn about this.
He can't even explain it to me and I'm patient and willing to listen. He just thinks it's "wrong" and that isn't like him.

Can anyone explain?

It has to do with Individualism,
ostensible rebellion (the reason for smoking) in personal identity.

I saw a show on TV a few days ago concerning 4 young fellows
who were very interested in getting tatoos removed
with a vu toward career advancement; thay thawt
that when thay apply for jobs thay need to make excuses
for their tatoos, because thay look like thugs
who just got out of jail. One of them was having
the removal work in progress; described as being
very expensive and more painful, with incomplete results.

The thing about applying for employment
is that there r usually a lot more applicants
than available jobs. When I was hiring
for my law firm, when I had maybe 3 jobs available
(professional or support staff) after newspaper advertizing
for a few days, we got several hundred resumes in the mail.

Of course, we chose the best of the best.
Acts of self-mutilation gave rise to suspicions of inner-rage
(based on earlier observations of persons of aberrant appearance
becoming troublesome, on a chronic basis) that possibly might get
re-directed outward, preferably not on my premises.

1 Reply

A flat out guess here:

In Portland a lot of guys dont just get ear piercings, they stretch them and put plugs in them, something that is not very accepted in much of America. My guess is that hubby knows that this kid already has problems which will make employment a challenge, fears that getting pierced this early in life will make it more challenging still, and does not want to get you riled up as he would if he said this so he says nothing other than that he does not like it.

If I am right the main problem here is not Mo and Piercing, it is the relationship between you and hubby....he does not feel like he can be honest with you about his fears for MO.

Again...this is a educated guess.

1 Reply

I have no idea what Mr. B's objections are, assuming he's able to articulate them.

But I think I'm the only one here who doesn't take a casual view of a piercing. If I were the parent (good thing I'm not), I'd say no.

3 Replies

@boomerang,

Perhaps he's overprotective because he has no personal experience with with piercings. Have you considered suggesting that Mr. B try a piercing on himself, see what it's like, and take the Mo situation from there?

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@Thomas,

U have a wise signature line, Thomas.

David

0 Replies

@boomerang,

Asking him continuous questions about his thoughts might get him to voice it. Don't know any other way.

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

Mo's told "No" on hundreds of things.

I don't really see any reason that kids shouldn't experiment with their "look" as long as no permanent alterations are made. Hair dye washes out and ear piercings close up. I don't see the harm.

I think anything forbidden becomes more alluring.

1 Reply

@Rockhead,

Exactly! Lines in the sand are a set up for war.

.... or for getting your ears pierced in the bathroom of the home-ec lab by some untrained 7th grader like girls did back in my school days.

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@Rockhead,

A gay thing? Like it would make you gay?

No, I don't think that's Mr. B's problem with the idea.

1 Reply

@boomerang,

boomerang wrote:

Mo's told "No" on hundreds of things.

I don't really see any reason that kids shouldn't experiment with their "look" as long as no permanent alterations are made. Hair dye washes out and ear piercings close up. I don't see the harm.

I think anything forbidden becomes more alluring.

I never specifically told my son he was not allowed to pierce his ears. One day, he began trurning his head away, every time I got near. At his age, I did not intend to make it an issue. He was, I think, 17. But, he had assumed the worst. Just after he left home, he got both ears pierced multiple times. But, he soon realized it was not a look to get him ahead in Tomball and he let the holes close up.

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@msolga,

Yes. Many of his male classmates have a pierced ear. It's pretty common.

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

We're just talking about an ear piercing though, not prison tats.

Even the army allows for tattoos now.

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@boomerang,

boomerang wrote:

A gay thing? Like it would make you gay?

No, I don't think that's Mr. B's problem with the idea.

I suspect that the idea is one of symbolism.

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@hawkeye10,

Mr. B and my relationship is fine. We've been together for almost 30 years so I'm pretty sure he knows he can be honest with me. We discuss Mo's future and options all the time. Nobody who has ever seen Mo work would ever think that he'll have a hard time finding a job.

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@boomerang,

Quote:

Yes. Many of his male classmates have a pierced ear. It's pretty common.

Ah then.
That removes another reason why Mr B might feels so strongly that he shouldn't have one.
And it makes it clearer about why Mo so wants one, like his friends do.

Another thought: could this be one of those father & son tussles which happen when the son is growing up & becoming more assertive (cheeky, even) about what he wants, despite what anyone else might think?

I think I was quite insufferable at times toward my parents when I was growing up, but I was a bit older than Mo is now.

1 Reply

@Roberta,

I don't take a casual view of piercing at all, except when it comes to ears.

Why would you say no?

I don't have pierced ears but I can't think of any valid reason for someone not to do it.

2 Replies

@Thomas,

Ohhhh I don't think Mr. B would go for that!

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@edgarblythe,

I don't want to harass him on it but I would really like to know if he has a reason for his "No"....

1 Reply

Cut your hair, ya damn hippie!

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