Cut your hair, ya damn hippie!

They do grow up fast. Mo's doing that whole early puberty thing. In fact, after yesterday's conversation I'm thinking his girlfriend might be influencing him on this.....

Mr. B's current thinking is "no".

I think I managed to convince Mo that his nagging and pleading to his dad is really working against him.

Good! Yeah, nagging and pleading cause me to dig in.

I'm curious about his (Mr. B's) answer to the "under what circumstances would you say 'yes'?" question, but I understand you're musing here in lieu of getting too involved in this whole thing between Mo + Mr. B.

Try getting both to agree to put the issue to bed and revisit it at a pre-determined time, like his 13th birthday for example. This is not like deciding what to have for dinner, there is no rush. Sometimes solutions come with age.

Maybe osso's line of thinking has merit.

He is 10 years of age, has been allowed to have blue hair, green hair, I get that, Individuality, being himself, but... Mo's Mother had a piercing in her eyebrow? Maybe he (Mo) was ridiculed at school for that, that's "un-usual" for a parent, not for a teenager... Maybe, he's put the breaks on, has a problem communicating with you about his logic, and that being, he's only 10, nearly 11...It's not an Adult decision it's a whole in his body, sure that may close up, but it also may send out a signal of "tough" .

Maybe he knows you think if he doesn't he will be a rebel later, that's your fear yet, he purely wants to be responsible for now, like when you are old enough to make that decision for yourself.

I do think he's a little young.

It's like an 11 year old girl saying, I want my uniform shorter, way up high and I want to wear mascara to school...at ....11....

Does his mates have earings? Colour their hair?

Ha, girls! When my brother was in middle school he wanted a pager (remember those?). I figured WWIII would start when he asked our parents if he could have one. Dad was generally judge and jury, our mom, like you, was the appeals court. Funnily enough, it was mom who freaked out, "Omg, only drug dealers have pagers!!!" (this was in the 80's lol). Dad let him buy one, but I did find out some time later that little bro wanted it to impress a girl.

Mo hasn't seen his other mom (I'm his adoptive mom) since before he began school so I don't think it has anything to do with her piercing. Besides, unpierced, untattooed moms are the rarity here.

We got that impression since you seem pretty resistant to hearing that people think his views, whatever they are, could even be more reasonable than your own, or equally reasonable. Not that you and Mr. B are discussing this, but that you aren't.

But you are not arguing at home?

Hard to tell from here.

I suppose a two parent household has to negotiate forever, as no two people, however wise, think the same. One convinces the other or one side gives up, which isn't good either, if the other side is maniacal.

I agree with Boomer's early point, no link, re a united front of sorts, with the bonus being to the doubter (that may be my understanding and it was pages ago). But not for long, in that I would expect people to hash all that out.

THere is always the traditional approach, where one side takes the lead in parenting. Both parents having an equal say in every aspect of parenting is exhausting, and not necessarily. Around our house I am the decider, though I do consult, and if my wife has a serious objection my decision might not stand. I can not imagine having with every little thing needing to delay with "let me talk to your mother and I will get back to you on that".

I edited.

No change, I still say that having spheres of influence divided is the way to go in marriage, we spit up areas where we are in charge, consult as required, and we always carry the veto right. If my wife decides something that I am not in favor of yet I dont have a huge problem with then her decision stands, and vis-versa. I am in charge of childcare because I have been the one home, and because I am better at it.

I've never been part of a two parent situation. I've been part of a few people trying to save a kid, which got pretty raucous. Those of us left standing tended to listen re each other.

If it's every little thing that's exhausting and unnecessary, but I don't think getting ears pierced is a little thing. I definitely wanted to talk to E.G. about that before giving sozlet the OK (though if anyone's the "decider" -- really, Dubya? -- around here it's probably me).

Osso, I agree with you about hashing as a goal but it definitely is more complicated when it's a three-way dynamic. What's happened with me before, and sounds like there is an element of that here, is that sozlet and E.G. get caught up in something and THEY have to hash it out. I can offer advice and support, but ultimately it's up to them. It's not something I have control over (and attempting to take control can just make things worse).

That makes sense.
(the dawn lights up)

It was a conversation in my house before the fact for the girls as well. The conversation tends to start out with me asking "do you care much about this?" and if the answer is "no" then then conversation is done.

This is not my issue to hash out. It belongs to Mo and Mr. B.

I don't care one way or the other.

Why in the world would I be angry or fighting over it?

On this thread I have been exasperated with a few people and I'm sure a few people have been exasperated with me. So what? It's a discussion that went way off topic. I don't consider any fighting to have happened between myself or anyone else. When someone presented a suggestion like "maybe Mr. B feels that way because....." I offered up a counter suggestion based on the kind of person that I know Mr. B to be. I'm sorry if you took offense to something but if you have I'm lost about what it might be.

I'd have to reread the thread, but I took you as the understanding one who was perplexed that your husband might not go for earring at ten.

I don't take offense, I like you and your questions.

I didn't like the shallow bit, but am not bothered enough to go back and find that.

Whether you meant that to such as me or not, people not getting a lot of stuff are taken as shallow (thus my reaction).

I had a day when even I, the imperturbable, got grossed out with the caffelatte maker with seven rings on her lips. The ones on her face.

I'd be interested if she lasted - it was a sane coffee place, not all police-y, so I wonder if they worked it out.

My sometime later business partner hired a woman on the basis that she not display her tattoos. She did, gone.


So, now, a long time later, I'm reading about the horrors of getting rid of major body tattoos.

I once had some one reporting to me - she a bit (huge understatment) unusual and for all concerned, I work in a very conservative industry....she came up and asked if it would be ok if she had her hair dyed blue. I said let me check on HR policies. After a conversation with HR (and their recommendation on how to handle), I told her there is no company policy or dress code violation, but considering the work environment we have, I would highly suggest not doing it. The talk about how your appearance can impact how people view you, etc., etc.

I will give her this - at least she decided against it.