dating after marriage:i dont know what im doing

i think you are being overly dramatic.

to assume that all you will give someone is heartache, to believe that they can not 'handle it', or do not know what to do with it, or even that they do not deserve it is only a back handed way of assuring yourself that you will not have to put any effort into any relationship to make it work. In your mind, its easier to say they will not get anything good from you anyway, so you justify being able to keep things casual.

If all you want is casual dating then be up front about it and stop with the ' you will only get hurt' speech. It does nothing for either party.

I dated only casually after my divorce for over a year. Dinners,movies , parties etc. Nothing was ever serious and I told anyone that who asked me out. I was not being rude, and since I was honest I got exactly what I wanted and everything was ok.

Stop looking for a way to justify and validate how bad you think you are, and your lack of desire to have a serious relationship right now and just keep things casual. Its really no big deal. I do think you are putting TOO much into the issue.
State what you want from the beginning. And if you need to really drive that home to someone, it does not hurt to mention ( even if it is a tiny lie) that you are also dating other people. Giving that stand point really helps someone understand that things ARE casual . And if that is not what they want, they will leave and neither of you has an issue.

Dating is fun. Not hard. Dont put so much stress into it.

Are you saying that you got married, then divorced, now you're dating again; or that you're married currently but you're looking for something on the side?

This is exactly the question which occured to me when i saw this. One could just be charitable and assume he's widowed or divorced--just assume that the question was posed in an awkward manner.

I did just see him refer to his ex-wife in another post, so I'm thinking he's divorced.

What do you mean by "relationship" (Is that another word for having sex?)

Best to be upfront about what all this means. Let them know that you have no intention of being exclusive and won't make any promises and that you are not looking for another wife.

That ought to let them know how far they should go with you - or how much time to invest in you.

I feel like that makes a lot of sense..especially the justifying, thanks.

I see baggage, you are not even ready to move on with your life, if you are saying you were married, now divorced and in the dating game but don't want to go further than "dating" .

What are you afraid of? So, it didn't work out the first time, that doesn't mean it won't work out the second.

If you don't take risks in life, you never know what you will miss out on.

Let go of the past, it doesn't belong in your present or there won't be a future.

Unless you are married, the quit dating:)