Are men (and women) who habitually cheat just creeps?

As distasteful as I find this behavior, calling habitual cheaters "creeps" is just too easy. It stops us from figuring out their real problems. People who do this are f*cked up in more than one way.

Are people who are habitually cheated on "creeps"? Or what Eva said?

I know a gal who is a habitual "cheater"... for her, it's not any of the things mentioned so far, just that she is in love with being in love, and being in love with her is that whole pulse-fluttering, will-he-kiss-me, I-can't-think-of-anyone-else phase. She gets bored with the aftermath, the nuts and bolts of relationships. She calls herself a romantic.

Soz...If she's doing this behind the back of someone she committed to, then she's f*cked up. At the very least, she is emotionally immature.

(Good question, CdK, even if it's not strictly on topic.)

I agree with Eva. I wonder whether some people just have a disposition to be unfaithful? Either way, I think that it's appalling if, after sharing such trust in a previous relationship, you break it. To me, there is no excuse for cheating.

That was just the first question I thought of, but from here on out I'll leave this topic to those who actually have had sex.

Well, another guy who cheated on his wife habitually said that he always needed someone new to tell him how terrific he was, how good he looked, how talented he was, he thrived from the intensity of a new relationship.
I found that interesting, at least. But still weak.

ROTFLMAO, Craven!

Soz's friend sounds like an "infatuation junkie."

"Friend"? Did I say "friend"?

Didn't like her much. A co-worker, who went on and on about her latest infatuation. ("Aren't you still with ___?" "Yes, but ____ is just soooooooooo gorgeous..." ) Infatuation junkie, indeed.

Other habitual cheaters I have known:

- Was in a stultifying, controlling marriage from very young, a stay-at-home mom, ventured out to start getting an education, found makeup, found clothes, found that she got a LOT of attention from men, liked said attention, did whatever she could to keep it coming. (Left her husband for one, left that one for another, etc., with considerable overlap in between.)

- Another one more in the "romantic" mold (I'm not against romance per se, at all, but these people annoy me), who kept seeing women as projects -- she's not perfect, but if this this and this change, wow, she'd be great. Maybe some things changed, but not everything he was working on, and then his eye would be caught by another prime project...

- The security part is big, I agree. Several people come under this general category, those who love flirtation but don't want to actually leave their husband, those who haven't been on their own ever, really, and are not sure how to do it (my first example falls in that category), those who want one of those Joy of Sex type meals -- meat and potatoes at home, with exotic spice adventures.

I went through a phase I'm not proud of, when I was deeply unhappy and feeling out of control, where I did all sorts of rather Machiavellian social experimenting. ("How will people react if I do this...?") I would kind of idly see if I could make a man fall in love with me, whether he was attached or not. What I found is that difference was the single biggest draw -- if I could make him think, "I wonder what that would be like?", I had him. (Not that I ever did anything with these experiments -- the chase was the thing. Sigh. Not nice.) So if he was with an unathletic blonde, it was easy. If he was with an athletic brunette, then it became more about personality -- the bookworm or the life of the party, the calm serene personality vs. the vivacious slightly dangerous personality, etc. While people may be drawn to certain types, I think novelty is a powerful aphrodsiac. (That and just the simple fact of knowing someone is in pursuit.)

Anyway, took me a serious relationship to drop that habit (another reason to have serious relationships before finding the one you're going to spend the rest of your life with, but I digress), but there were fairly consistent results throughout.

I lied, I'm back.

I once knew a guy who'd ALWAYS hide cards in his sleeve. He was a creep.

^^^^ Sounds off topic but it's not.

My first husband, The Poetic Nomad, had a mad passionate affair both because I was such an uninteresting person and because he needed to Experience Life to write the Great American Novel.

I left him.

His inamorata became pregnant--and had an abortion.

He assured me that it was all over, so I moved 5000 miles from family--with two toddlers--only to find she was still in the picture--and he expected me to accept the situation.

Of course, I was furious. I was told that I didn't understand--he had a great heart and loved us both. Besides he owed her something for having an abortion since he didn't want more children!

When someone puts personal gratification ahead of marriage vows, that person is a creep.

"Be sure you're off with the old love, before you're on with the new."

my ex, after we separated, had an affair with hey 28 yr old daughter's bf, when her daughter confronter her she said, "it was only sex! I don't know what you are upset about..."

Eeek.

Yep, that's another category, though, the whole madonna/ whore thing (can be men or women) -- that if you fall in love with someone, that's cheating, but sex is just sex.