wife cheated and it turns me on?

@hawkeye10,

Yeah right, hawkeye, that's what I was saying! Rolling Eyes

And your problems with your wife's requests about cleaning the kitty litter tray are in the exactly same league as this situation, too. Neutral

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

Quote:
She feels uncomfortable talking about it cause she says she feels like a bad person and I tried to tell her its over with and let's try to have fun with it.
I feel uncomfortable each time my wife nags me because I have not cleaned the cat litterbox when it needs to be done, and it makes me feel like a bad person because I know that I said I would keep up on it and I know that I should have done it.....Can I make her stop with out giving in to her demand on the grounds that she lacks empathy? Where does she get off violating my comfort anyways?

Yep.. you don't even see the difference. Nagging about a chore isn't even close. No empathy at all from you. A minor inconvenience isn't even close to the most intimate details of your personal life. Or do you equate your sex life with emptying the litter box?

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Chai2 wrote:

Quote:

I guarantee, one day, hawkeye will be one of those disgusting old men in a nursing home, leering at anything that walks (or rolls) by, and will end up getting transferred from place to place as his behavior escalates.

What do you think it means that his email is: [email protected] ?

Joe(suchakidder)Nation

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It seems to me that this is heading toward a real and untenable incompatability.

The husband has discovered he gets turned on hearing about the wife's activities with another man.
The wife doesn't even want to TALK about it - it makes her feel bad and probably violated (in terms of her privacy).
I can picture that next the husband will ask the wife to engage in sexual relations with another man so she can have more stories to tell him to feed his newly discovered urge for this sort of thing.
If the wife doesn't even want to talk about it, I can't imagine that she'd be open to doing anything else to provide new and more salacious stories.
I think this guy is gonna be unsatisfied.
Either he should leave his wife alone or HE should get a divorce and find some chick like the women in the website Hawkeye linked - who will fulfill his fantasies for him.

I mean, I got to tell you, if my partner said, 'You know - I know I never made this clear before we got together, because I didn't know myself - but part of my sexual satisfaction has worked out to be that you fool around with other guys and then tell me about it,' I'd be like - 'Yeah, well that's not really my scene.'

I mean I was reading that website and I'm not a prude or anything, but you have to be a voyeur or an exhibitionist to be into that. I don't think you can turn someone who views sex - whatever sort it is - between two people as private - into a voyeur or exhibitionist if they aren't that way.
I don't even want to read about what other people like to do - and I sure as hell don't want people reading about what I might like to do.
No judgment, but it reminds me of facebook or something...people can now put on the internet and there are whole forums for people to describe in detail what they watched their wife do with another guy...okay...like who needs to hear that? Just the same as I don't really need to read about how my friend ate a hotdog yesterday and what she put on it that made it extra-special good.
I don't give a crap - it's none of my business anyway.

1 Reply

@aidan,

Quote:

It seems to me that this is heading toward a real and untenable incompatability.

Sure, but that does not mean that the inevitable or correct result is that if they are to come together and meet that it must be where the wife wants it to happen. She is only 1/2 of the relationship, sometimes she is going to have to move towards the husbands needs/wants/desires. Women routinely do sexual things that they are not crazy about because in the real world they must if they are going to keep a man long term....let's not pretend that the reality is other than it is. Our A2K morality crusaders cant change that, as we should not let them lie about that either.

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

HA HA HA HA You are one strange dude. It all depends, doesn't it, on the "husband's needs/wants/desires". If my husband suddenly wanted me to do something I didn't want to do, I just wouldn't do it. I would tell him to drop dead. I don't feel forced to because I want to or need to "keep a man long term" LOL If I made a huge mistake and married someone like you, and you started asking for weird ****, I'd be out that door (or you would) quicker than you can say JackRabbit. And that IS the reality.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

Quote:

She is only 1/2 of the relationship, sometimes she is going to have to move towards the husbands needs/wants/desires. Women routinely do sexual things that they are not crazy about because in the real world they must if they are going to keep a man long term....let's not pretend that the reality is other than it is.

Well yeah, that is true - not only to 'keep' the man long term, but also because it's nice to feel that you're meeting the needs and desires of someone you love.

So hey, I have an idea. The guy could dress up like a policeman or you know a pizza delivery boy and ring the doorbell and try his hardest to disassociate as they do the deed and then he could slip out the back door and put his own clothes back on and then come in the front door and the wife could be like, 'You are just gonna love to hear about the afternoon I just had.'
How's that for meeting half-way?

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@Mame,

Quote:

HA HA HA HA You are one strange dude. It all depends, doesn't it, on the "husband's needs/wants/desires". If my husband suddenly wanted me to do something I didn't want to do, I just wouldn't do it. I would tell him to drop dead. I don't feel forced to because I want to or need to "keep a man long term" LOL If I made a huge mistake and married someone like you, and you started asking for weird ****, I'd be out that door (or you would) quicker than you can say JackRabbit. And that IS the reality.

It has to run both ways....I do things I dont want to do for her as well, generally those of use who learn to do long term intimate relationships will need to come around to this level of give and take at some point. I am well aware of people who preach "dont do anything you dont want to do", and I also know that they tend to run through at least a half dozen intimate relationships during their lifetimes. I am not interested in doing that.

BTW- what is the average length of your relationships? Do you really think that this latest one will be the last one?

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

Let's see... I was married for over 20 years to one person and he never asked me to do anything I didn't want to do. Neither did my first husband (married 5 years and way too young and who I am still friends with), and neither does my present husband (who I am still good friends with). Anything I do, I want to do. Maybe we're just boring Smile

And yes, I do think this latest one will be the last one Smile

1 Reply

@Mame,

Quote:

Let's see... I was married for over 20 years to one person and he never asked me to do anything I didn't want to do

I hope that you misspoke here, that the word you wanted was "insisted", because the only way to put together a 20 year record of never asking an intimate partner to do anything that they dont want to do is to either be a God or too timid to speak your mind.

What we see here is that there are lots of ways to do relationships, and also why we are going down the wrong road when we allow the government to regulate intimate relationships. There are fair too many people like you who are willing to impose your rather extreme beliefs upon others, upon others who have not been impacting your freedoms and rights at all, thus you dont even have the right to object much less criminalize their behavior.. Empowing the busybodies rarely has a good result. Stop trying to live my life, stay in your lane. It is scary how shallow and limited Americans claims to embrace diversity really are...given are massive shift towards putting in place a nanny/police state it is far past time to bury that canard.

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@hawkeye10,

I hardly even know how to respond to that twaddle. I'll have to come back later. OMG.

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@Mame,

Quote:

I hardly even know how to respond to that twaddle. I'll have to come back later. OMG.

I understand that you need time to collect your thoughts when confronted with someone who will still admit to believing in the age old idea that conflict and push/pull in a relationship should not be subjected to the current white wash/rub out campaign, by one who believes that this behavior is not only normal but often beneficial to all parities.

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@hawkeye10,

yeah, did I already say "twaddle"?

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@aidan,

Aidan: That would only work if the "plumber, mailcarrier, pizza-guy" could really lay down some pipe, deliver the letter and spread on the chee,,,,, um, sauce so well as to give the lady of the house something to want to talk about.
In most cases, they want their wives to experience something they themselves cannot provide.

(ah, the husbands who want their wives to be wanton with others.)

Joe( I was, and still could be, a cheerful volunteer helper Nation

1 Reply

@Joe Nation,

Quote:

That would only work if the "plumber, mailcarrier, pizza-guy" could really lay down some pipe, deliver the letter and spread on the chee,,,,, um, sauce so well as to give the lady of the house something to want to talk about.
In most cases, they want their wives to experience something they themselves cannot provide

Yeah - that's the way in which she meets him half-way- she uses her imagination (it's been known to happen) and you know, maybe exaggerates a bit to add to his sense of achievement- he'll be thinking, 'What am I missing?' and then maybe he'll wish it was him (even though it really is).

Quote:

Joe( I was, and still could be, a cheerful volunteer helper Nation

hey, in your eagerness you forgot your closing parenthesis - you're full of surprises tonight.

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@Mame,

Quote:

yeah, did I already say "twaddle"?

Yes, you have the tossing of insults down, I look forwards to seeing if you can put together a cohesive fact based argument for your position. Intimidation is not going to work with me, you need to come up with the goods.

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

by one who believes that this behavior is not only normal but often beneficial to all parities.

got a "cohesive fact based argument for your" belief?

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

we can start here

Quote:

What Are the Goals of Conflict Theory?
By an eHow Contributor

The conflict theory is a term in sociology that states that a group of people function so that the individuals struggle to maximize their benefits. This term typically is used to discuss social classes. There are several goals of the conflict theory.

Argue
According to the New World Encyclopedia, the term "conflict theory" can trace back to Machiavelli or Thomas Hobbes. Their goal was to refute the functionalist approach that said individuals each have a role.

Explain
The conflict theory was proposed so that social change could be explained. The conflict theory assumes that society is eternally in conflict which causes society to change.

Power
The conflict theory helps to discuss the "elite" group of people. According to the conflict theory, social structures are designed to support the people who are in power.

Competition
The conflict theory assumes that competition plays a large role in society. Competition, rather than consensus, defines human relationships in society.

Change
The conflict theory helps to explain why society changes. Revolutions begin when there are conflicts between social classes. These changes often occur very quickly.

Read more: What Are the Goals of Conflict Theory? | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/facts_5954709_goals-conflict-theory_.html#ixzz1J4lI3pqk

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@hawkeye10,

Conflict theory relates to sociology, not psychology.

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@ehBeth,

Quote:

Conflict theory relates to sociology, not psychology.

The individual is but a microcosm of the collective, psychology is the root of sociology...your objection holds no water...

1 Reply

wife cheated and it turns me on?

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