wife cheated and it turns me on?

@msolga,

right, that is why "turns me on" is in the thread title and in other couple places.....because he does not know what turns him on. I promise you that he wants to be in her bed and ******* her as she tells the tale each time.

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@msolga,

Though I've been told that infidelity can be a real re-igniter of passion in jaded marriages.
I have no proof of that myself, never having been involved in such activities. Wink

But, passion & obsession are two very different things.
I suspect obsession, by one half of the union, while the other half wants to put the past infidelity behind her & move on ... could be a major turn-off.

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After reading all the response ... it make me wonder why the "3rd" party would confess to the Husband ... since the affair happen years ago and it is already over ... it is over right ... I did not read wrongly...

Well to jfred4451 ~ if u still wan your wife, STOP bugging her, if u already forgiven her n is keeping her, create more new love memory w her instead on harping on the past.

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

Quote:
You like to hear your wife talk about the sex act
Wrong, if that were true he would want to relive all the great sex they have had over 8 years. No, he wants to relive how she cheated on him, how another man had his woman and how she liked it.

You have no clue what is going on here...

No, I think we've all figured out he's as fucked up as you are.

Of course you love this thread, it's about educating a man on how he can manipulate a woman into doing what she doesn't want to do.

No, you stop, please.

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@chai2,

I was just about to say the same thing, Chai2.

Joe(It's like we're twins.)Nation

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@chai2,

Quote:

Of course you love this thread, it's about educating a man on how he can manipulate a woman into doing what she doesn't want to do.

That line works only so long as you dont read what I wrote, and thus dont notice that I have been of no help in that area and that all I have said is that he should dig into himself and figure out what he wants and why. Erotic games are about self discovery and discovery of another, and I am indeed an advocate.

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Nobody's mentioned the guy she screwed telling the husband about it... now why would he do that? If a woman emailed me asking about my relationship with her husband, I wouldn't say anything about it at all... I'd just say we're friends. She can get the other info from her husband.

I think that was NOT cool.

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@hawkeye10,

Quote:

Erotic games are about self discovery and discovery of another, and I am indeed an advocate.

Games that make one of the people involved uncomfortable are NOT about that at all.

Unless you are masturbating alone, erotic games involve 2 (or more) people. One person attempting to control another without that person's consent is not acceptable under any circumstances. You haven't been helpful unless you think telling a person to ignore and debase their partner is somehow erotic.

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@MommyAnt,

It wasn't even an affair - it was before marriage committment. So I'll go with msolga's take on there being an obsessive element. Or a possessive one. I think these could also possibly coexist with turn-on, not my expertise.

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@parados,

Quote:

Games that make one of the people involved uncomfortable are NOT about that at all.

you already know that I dont agree, relationships at their best are both cooperative and competitive...challenging and stretching must be a part of any relationship that I would want to be part of, and the moderns also vastly over rate comfort.

Quote:

. One person attempting to control another without that person's consent is not acceptable under any circumstances.

There are a lot of people like you running around claiming that power is not or at least should not be part of relationships of sex. My conclusion is that you have a lot to learn about life. This is who humans are, you finding humans to be morally objectionable only shows that you are willing to indulge your fantasy life.

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@hawkeye10,

Quote:

challenging and stretching must be a part of any relationship that I would want to be part of, and the moderns also vastly over rate comfort.

So.. you would have no problem with being tied up and raped against your will? No need to overrate comfort after all.

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@hawkeye10,

Quote:

There are a lot of people like you running around claiming that power is not or at least should not be part of relationships of sex.

Actually, I never said any such thing. Sexual relationships take a lot of forms. I have nothing against a consensual relationship where someone concedes power to the other for the enjoyment of both. That is not the issue here however. This is purely a case where one person is uncomfortable and your response implies that one should just ignore what the other person feels and go for your own pleasure. That is a bull **** argument hawkeye and always will be.

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@parados,

parados wrote:

Quote:
challenging and stretching must be a part of any relationship that I would want to be part of, and the moderns also vastly over rate comfort.

So.. you would have no problem with being tied up and raped against your will? No need to overrate comfort after all.

Oh good god, are we going to open this pandora's box again?

this pervert makes sex WAAAAAY too important in a relationship. No, I'm not saying sex isn't important, but all this crapola about about "challenging and stretching" in the form of using sex to some purpose is creepy.

I guarantee, one day, hawkeye will be one of those disgusting old men in a nursing home, learing at anything that walks (or rolls) by, and will end up getting transferred from place to place as his behavior escalates.

No, this isn't exaggeration, creepy middle aged men turn into creepier old men that no one can stand to be around.

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@parados,

Quote:

This is purely a case where one person is uncomfortable and your response implies that one should just ignore what the other person feels and go for your own pleasure

Ideally encouraging people we care about to go outside of their comfort zone to learn new things is win/win. In case it has escaped your notice, the woman in this case has a remedy if hubby goes to far too often, it is called divorce papers.....you need not worry about the morality or practicality of what the OP wants, as you are not the one who suffers the consequences if he is wrong. What goes on between two people is very rarely anyone else business, which is a position that I have been consistent on, both here and on other threads. I don think that the collective has the right to use government to manage relationship, and I think that the only morality beliefs that count are of the two involved, with some limited exception when children are in the home.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

Quote:

Ideally encouraging people we care about to go outside of their comfort zone to learn new things is win/win. In case it has escaped your notice, the woman in this case has a remedy if hubby goes to far too often, it is called divorce papers.....

Yes.. and everyone but YOU has said this can be a bad idea.

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@parados,

Quote:

Yes.. and everyone but YOU has said this can be a bad idea.

I dont know the woman, so I have no idea if it is a bad idea or not. I also dont hear the OP wondering if it is a bad idea, or engaging with all of those who have presented the opinion that it is a bad idea, so I dont see where he has interest in the question. I am not following the script of what a PC sensitive person is expected to say, but then you know already what I think of PC culture, this should come as no surprise to you.

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@hawkeye10,

Let me put it in BIG letters for you.

Quote:

She feels uncomfortable talking about it cause she says she feels like a bad person and I tried to tell her its over with and let's try to have fun with it.

We are dealing with 2 people that don't give a damn about how she feels it seems. Rather than show any concern about her feelings, your only response is she can get a divorce if it makes her uncomfortable. Your lack of empathy certainly makes you look like a sociopath.

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@parados,

Quote:

She feels uncomfortable talking about it cause she says she feels like a bad person and I tried to tell her its over with and let's try to have fun with it.

I feel uncomfortable each time my wife nags me because I have not cleaned the cat litterbox when it needs to be done, and it makes me feel like a bad person because I know that I said I would keep up on it and I know that I should have done it.....Can I make her stop with out giving in to her demand on the grounds that she lacks empathy? Where does she get off violating my comfort anyways?

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@parados,

Furthermore:

Quote:

So i asked her to tell me about it again and again. It's all I can think about.

He must be driving his wife nuts.
How many times can she tell him the same information?
This is more about him indulging his own obsessions than both of them gaining some form of mutual benefit, or understanding.
I can understand that he might be very upset that his (not-yet) wife had cheated on him. For some people that would destroy the trust they had in the person.
But to go on & on in this way now is not helping matters much at all.
What exactly could to be gained by it?
It almost sounds like indulging his obsessive interest in her affair (or whatever it was) is required of her ... as a form of payback, or penance or something.
Creepy situation, very creepy.

1 Reply

@msolga,

Quote:

He must be driving his wife nuts.
How many times can she tell him the same information?
This is more about him indulging his own obsessions than both of them gaining some form of mutual benefit, or understanding

YOU FINALLY DID IT! I know that our OP was told many times before now that he sucks but this time hearing it was the one that did the trick....he completely believes that you are right now. And what's more, now that he knows that he sucks he will change his behavior immediately. GOOD WORK!

1 Reply

wife cheated and it turns me on?

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