Love triangle

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I have been having a secret relationship with my colleague for 4 years. We are both married with children. We both have issues with our spouses which led us to start this relationship.
We are very close friends and we like each other very much. We talk a lot , have a lot in common and support each other. Lately, i've been noticing him spending lots of time with another women in the company who happens to be a family friend. After a while, i discovered that they are having an affair too... I confronted him with that and he did admit that he is attracted to her and that she's special to him. I was really upset and asked him to stop this relationship if he really cares for me. In the beginning he did, but after a short period i noticed them spending time with each other again. Mainly because she was in need of him. It seems that he is stuch in the middle and he can't put an end to either relationships!! He likes both of us a lot and he is attracted to both of us at the same time. Given that we are not "committed" to each other, i decided to end the relationship and i stopped any physical contact between us. The problem is that i see this guy everyday, our offices are very close and i see how he spends time with her everyday, i have to put up with all the pain when i see them spending time together or going out for lunches. It is such a horrible situation! He is becoming jealous too when he sees me spending time with other guys in the office, it drives him crazy. But i really don't know what to do and i don't understand how can a guy be so selfish and hurt someone he likes and cares for this way... i need some advice please, i'm helpless!!

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@BettyBoo,

BettyBoo wrote:

I have been having a secret relationship with my colleague for 4 years. We are both married with children. We both have issues with our spouses which led us to start this relationship.

But ... i don't understand how can a guy be so selfish and hurt someone he likes and cares for this way... i need some advice please, i'm helpless!!

Hello?????

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Betty:
So you've lucked out. You've made a choice that got a low-life philanderer out of your life or at least out of your bed. I hope you are able to fix the issues you have with your husband. Focus on that.

If seeing the others at work is too painful, you may want to change jobs or get transferred to some other work area. It's tough.

Joe(Now, you be tougher)Nation

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Love triangles are bad. It could be worse. You could be in a anxiety hexagon, or a hatred rhombus.

A
R
T

1 Reply

No - you are not 'helpless"!!
Quit, transfer, get a new job - but for goodness sake, get AWAY from this guy.

He is a predator and Ii will bet that in 3 months, there will be still another "victim.'

Think more of yourself . . .'

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@BettyBoo,

Are you guys in high school? You're married, but having a relationship with a guy in the office who is also married, but you broke it off because he is spending time with another women in the office, but now he is jealous because you are playing the field with the other men in the office?

Either look up "marriage counselor" or "divorce lawyer". You need to solve your home situation before you decide how to handle Peyton Place.

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@PUNKEY,

Quote:

He is a predator and Ii will bet that in 3 months, there will be still another "victim.'

I love it when women feel so free to label a man as being a predator when all this man is doing is entering into sexual relationships with consenting women.

Women who are not only adults but are more then willing to freely enter into such a relationship in spite of their own marriage vows and yet they are somehow poor victims of an evil male!!!!!!

Once more women are not adults who bear the responsibilities for their own actions or poor judgments if there is a male within a mile that the blame can be place on.

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@BettyBoo,

What is it that you really want in life? And looking at the whole picture (and not just parts of the picture), what is it that you need to do in order to achieve that?

Or put another what : what is it that you need to be happy. Happiness by the way, is about the whole picture, not just part of the picture. If you find yourself constantly saying 'if only', then that person is the wrong person for you. There is almost no circumstance where this is not the case.

Why is it that you believe a married prepared to have an affair with you is not prepared to also cheat on you? And having found out that he is having affairs with 2 girls rather than just you...why is it that you care that he is jealous, rather than being repulsed by it? That's not a judgemental question, but rather, you need to understand this about yourself, because it has to do with your unhappiness with your marriage, and your relationships in general.

What do you need to do in order to make the most out of every moment in life? In order to live? In order to be joyful?

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@BettyBoo,

I apologize in advance for my comments and lack of any sympathy whatsoever. That said...

BettyBoo, what goes around comes around. You deserve everything you are currently facing. You cheat on your husband with a man who is cheating on his wife and then actually have the gall to be upset that he is cheating on you? You're both lowlife cheaters who have no respect for your spouses, so what do you really expect from each other?

Leave the job, forget the guy and try to make things work with your husband. If you don't want to make things work with hubby, then be a decent human being and divorce him before playing around with someone else.

Again, sorry to be so outspoken on this, but maybe you need to hear something like this to knock some sense into you. If a person is so willing to cheat on a spouse, I don't know why people get so surprised when they also cheat on the person they were cheating with.

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@PUNKEY,

How is he a predator??? Please explain that to me. That's completely nuts. He's just a lothario, and there are certainly no victims here. Betty Boo or whatever she calls herself is just as much a lowlife as he is, so, no... there's no victimization going on.

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If these two people were not married, would you think the same?

Accordiing to Betty, this was a four year affair. It apparently meant more to her than him. Yes, she was stupid, but she was into it.

He now is moving on to another woman - right in front of her. I really doubt if this new one is the only one.

She is foolish, for sure. . . . OK, I'll change my word from Predator to "Hound"

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@PUNKEY,

Quote:

Accordiing to Betty, this was a four year affair. It apparently meant more to her than him. Yes, she was stupid, but she was into it.
He now is moving on to another woman - right in front of her. I really doubt if this new one is the only one.
She is foolish, for sure. . . . OK, I'll change my word from Predator to "Hound"

Lord I could cry for the poor woman as she is a a helpless victim of an evil man and if he had not come along she would not had likely broken her vows with the next horny male that come her way?

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@PUNKEY,

For four years, this guy was cheating on her WITH HIS WIFE! Why does it matter to her if he was cheating with the woman down the row or the woman at home. Moreover, she was cheating on him with the guy she had at home. They were never exclusive. I don't really get why biamorous is ok but polyamorous is beyond consideration.

1 Reply

@engineer,

It never never any of the woman responsibility or blame............

Strange when a Tom mate with a female cat in heat we neither blame the Tom or name call the Tom.

1 Reply

@BillRM,

Marriages take two people to work, so it is sometimes the case that Party A may try to make a marriage work, to be happy in it, and no matter how much they try, Party B doesn't respond in the way that Party A needs (and of course it is never as simple as that)...

....and it is extremely judgemental to call a person a low life scum, without full knowledge of the circumstances, because that person is seeking happiness, however flawed the method chosen to achieve it.

It is also strange that people are prepared to call others low lifes for having a weakness/unhappy life/making a mistake, no matter that the person calling the other a low life is also flawed, also does the wrong thing at times, also deceives others, and also makes mistakes.

Coastal Rat's post is a perfect example of what some people call 'straight up' advice, that is actually pure attack. It is always possible to talk straight (if you are so inclined) without attacking the other.

Quote:

BettyBoo, what goes around comes around.

That's fine.

Quote:

You deserve everything you are currently facing.

Every thing we do has a consequence, and this is a consequence. You engaged in an affair and now you are paying the price.

Quote:

You cheat on your husband with a man who is cheating on his wife and then actually have the gall to be upset that he is cheating on you?

Why are you suprised?

Quote:

You're both lowlife cheaters who have no respect for your spouses, so what do you really expect from each other?

By cheating on your husband and deceving him, you've shown no respect for your spouse (of course, for all Coastal Rat knows, her husband hasn't shown her any respect for years)

1 Reply

@failures art,

I was once trapped in a angst filled love annulus.
Fortunately, it finally resolved itself into mobius strip

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@vikorr,

Quote:

low lifes for having a weakness/unhappy life/making a mistake, no matter that the person calling the other a low life is also flawed, also does the wrong thing at times, also deceives others, and also makes mistakes.

Where did I on this thread call anyone a low life?

I would however like to see women take full responsibility for their own actions.

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@BillRM,

I am taking full responsibility and i am not playing the victim. This affair happened because we both wanted it. Even if the relatioship we were engaged in is considered "wrong" it gave us both some kind of satisfaction. I wish if i could be satisfied being only with my husband because i do love him. But I love this other man as well (or at least that's what i think) as he gives me some kind of excitement which is lacking at home with hubby... The truth is i never felt the need to stop this relationship because i didn't think that it was wrong. If i felt this way, it means that it's a natural human inclination. Because if it wasn't, then why are there lot of others who have affairs too??... What i expected from this other man is for him to respect my feelings and not hurt me the way he did, during our four year relationship i was always loyal to him (as the second man) and never flirted with other men not to mention in front of him!! Now after all these years he gets engaged with another woman in my face, and this what hurts the most!

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@BettyBoo,

I'm sure it's just a natural inclination for him too.
It's not all about you after all.

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@BettyBoo,

If you are going to get this emotionally involved with guys from work that you screw, then stop doing it, you are not cut out for this life. Unless you two were talking about divorcing your spouses and getting together you have NO claim on him, nor he on you.

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Love triangle

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