Love triangle

@vikorr,

Quote:

We agree that one of the primary places to find sex partners is the work place (there are others : pubs, clubs, organisations, social gatherings, internet dating sites etc).

True, but for married folk far and way the most popular place is work, I cant remember the stats but I think it was over 50%. The mates suspect something if their other is often going to bars and clubs without them, work is much more safe.

Quote:

which ignores the fact that the OP had been engaged in a long term 'relationship' with this guy, and did have time to build expectations

I dont think the length of time matters, except that it was more time for our OP to get confused, to get into her head that she had claims on this guy that she never had. Here in America is is common for married folk to have work husbands and wives, which is to say relationship that are open to all to see, which are often emotional only but which are sometimes sexual. I have seen these go on for years, but I dont see any reason our OP could have legitimately ever had the expectation that there would not be another for him after she and he were done.

Quote:

A work spouse is a co-worker of the opposite sex with whom you have a close platonic relationship. In many ways, these relationships can mirror a real marriage.

According to a 2007 survey from Vault.com, a career information Web site, 23 percent of workers reported that they had a work spouse.

Do you have a work spouse?

Here are seven clear signs you might have a work spouse:

http://articles.cnn.com/2008-11-10/living/cb.seven.signs.work.spouse_1_spouse-worker-stress?_s=PM:LIVING

I keep coming back to the opinion that from what I have heard so far it looks like the OP did not understand the rules of the game that she was playing, and that as a result she is now hurting, but the problem is not the guy it is the direction that her head is in.

2 Replies

@hawkeye10,

Quote:

I keep coming back to the opinion that from what I have heard so far it looks like the OP did not understand the rules of the game that she was playing, and that as a result she is now hurting, but the problem is not the guy it is the direction that her head is in.

It seems obvious she did not understand, or misconstrued the 'rules of the game the subject of her OP'. In that game there were contributing circumstances, and consequential results. There isn't blame per se, but people (each person being responsible for who they are), and actions (for which each doer is responsible), and interactions (a mixture of both)contributing to the end result.

Quote:

I dont think the length of time matters,

Unless a specific understanding exists, the longer a sexual relationship continues the more the relationship invariable matters (and often it will begin to matter more to one party than the other)

1 Reply

@vikorr,

Quote:

Unless a specific understanding exists, the longer a sexual relationship continues the more the relationship invariable matters (and often it will begin to matter more to one party than the other)

An we should be concern about the imply "rules" of a sexual relationship that may or my not exist in this case when the complaining party is not following the clear no question about it rules concerning her married vows?

There is a doctrine of clean hands where a person had no rights or standings to ask for the redress of a wrong if her hands are dirty in a matter.

Given how filthy her hands is in this matter my feelings are that for her to complain and whine is in more then in bad taste.

Both parties in this soap opera are cheerfully defrauding their legal mates so why do we care once more about imply rules?

2 Replies

@BillRM,

Sometimes a legal concept made moral as well as legal sense as in the doctrine of clean hands.

Hands Doctrine Law & Legal Definition

The clean hands doctrine is a rule of law that someone bringing a lawsuit or motion and asking the court for equitable relief must be innocent of wrongdoing or unfair conduct relating to the subject matter of his/her claim. It is an affirmative defense that the defendant may claim the plaintiff has "unclean hands". However, this defense may not be used to put in issue conduct of the plaintiff unrelated to plaintiff's claim. Therefore, plaintiff's unrelated corrupt actions and general immoral character would be irrelevant. The defendant must show that plaintiff misled the defendant or has done something wrong regarding the matter under consideration. The wrongful conduct may be of a legal or moral nature, as long as it relates to the matter in issue.

For example, if a seller sues a customer for payments on a contract, defendant may claim plaintiff has unclean hands because he fraudulently induced him to sign the contract. A court of equity will not decide issues of fairness and justice if it is shown that the person asking for such justice has acted wrongly in regard to the issue at hand. In another example, when a brokerage firm claimed that its confidential client information was being pilfered by the competition, the court held that the firm did not come to court with “clean hands” since the court found that firm demonstrated a similar lack of regard for the competitor's confidential client information when it snared the same broker six years earlier.

0 Replies

@hawkeye10,

I think that i have to give more details that would support my point of being disappointed and hurt, and that would give a clearer picture on the situation.

Our relationship started as normal friendship at work about 12 years ago. 4 years later, we started getting closer and we started to be physically close, he wasn't married at that time but i was. When he got married, the physical relationship stopped and we continued being good friends. Both of us were happy with the realtionship as it was and during that period i was always loyal to my husband. In fact my husband is the first man in my life, and this guy is the second one. Four years later, the physical intimacy started to build up again but i have to say that throughout the whole period, there were very few times where we had sex.

Our relationship wasn't all about sex, we appreciate each other on the personal level and we do admire each other on many personality traits. Actually, when he used to see me hurt it used to affect him a lot and he couldn't focus on his job because of it. When he felt that there was another man in the office who i was attracted to, he was very upset and jealous about it and told me that he doesn't want to think about what i might be doing behind his back nor does he want me to think the same about him.

So he and the nature of the relationship are the factors that actually layed the ground for these expectations. I am also lacking the "experience" factor with men in general and maybe this is what made me fall deep into this relationship more that he did.

But in any case, as long as this new woman is in the picture, i will not be able to trust him again. She happens to be married to his best friend by the way... In fact i believe that this is a chance for me to get out of this affair and focus on fixing things with my husband.

3 Replies

@BillRM,

Quote:

An we should be concern about the imply "rules" of a sexual relationship that may or my not exist in this case when the complaining party is not following the clear no question about it rules concerning her married vows?

The english is a little unclear, but if I read it right, of course there should be concern when a person breaks their marriage vows.

Quote:

There is a doctrine of clean hands where a person had no rights or standings to ask for the redress of a wrong if her hands are dirty in a matter.

Given how filthy her hands is in this matter my feelings are that for her to complain and whine is in more then in bad taste.

Both parties in this soap opera are cheerfully defrauding their legal mates so why do we care once more about imply rules?

Bill, the concept of 'rules' that you keep referring to was brought up by Hawkeye, not me, so you may want to aim those 'rules' comments at him

0 Replies

@BettyBoo,

Quote:

But in any case, as long as this new woman is in the picture, i will not be able to trust him again.

That is a remarkable thing to say. So he has an affair with two women at the same time (so 3 sexual relationships at the same time, 2 of them combined amounting to an incredible web of disloyalty), and you actually think he's may one day be worthy of trust in that department? That is blindness on a new level.

And putting aside the disrespect you are showing your husband for a moment...do you honestly think that the disrespect he has and is showing you is not deep rooted? It always amazes me that people will not accept disrespect from strangers, but will accept it from people who they are close to (when, due to their ability to hurt you and damage your self esteem, they are the ones you should be standing up for yourself the most with)

0 Replies

@BettyBoo,

Quote:

But in any case, as long as this new woman is in the picture, i will not be able to trust him again. She happens to be married to his best friend by the way... In fact i believe that this is a chance for me to get out of this affair and focus on fixing things with my husband.
1 Reply

Amazing that you can not see how silly the above statement happen to be.

No one in this soap opera is worth any degree of trust with special note of yourself.

What a strange universe you are living in.

0 Replies

I always get love triangles, love handles, Isosceles triangles and bike handles mixed up. Or was that bermuda triangles and pubic hair triangles ?? Anyway, it is all very confusing when you involve other people, so stay single. I am single and look what it has done for me.

0 Replies

@BettyBoo,

BettyBoo wrote:

But in any case, as long as this new woman is in the picture, i will not be able to trust him again.

Given that he was sleeping with his wife the whole time, I'm not sure why this woman makes a lot of difference. You've never been exclusive on either side.

BettyBoo wrote:

In fact i believe that this is a chance for me to get out of this affair and focus on fixing things with my husband.

I agree.

0 Replies

since squinney and I split up I've been invited to a couple of one night love triangles.... but I'm so tired of having to talk to these women that I prefer the menage a mois.

0 Replies

@BettyBoo,

MMMkay im 16 so dont take this too personal alright :/

One you have kids.
two you already have a husband
Three start thinking about what your question was.
Four do you want to be the one to tell your husband that you have a creeper in your live or do you want him to find out from someone else.
five how would you feel if someone did that to you?
ok six do you want your kids growing up to think your a bad person?

those are just a few things to realllly think about.

0 Replies

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know