@aidan,
aiden, I'd like to expand on your definition:
Quote:Freeloaders are lazy takers * who are capable of working, but don't.
@Linkat,
Linkat wrote:Well he is an experienced freeloader.
He can train the other prisoners.
@OmSigDAVID,
Well if he did that then he would no longer be a freeloader.
@cicerone imposter,
Quote:aiden, I'd like to expand on your definition:
first you'd have to find someone named 'aiden'.
But you go right on ahead with your big, bad self- do whatever you want.
It's no skin off my nose.
Heh, I just realized something that happened earlier today, and I never even related it to this thread.
I've been at my job well over a decade, and I had a lunch today with 2 other people who have also been there over a decade. I've known them the entire time. I'll call them Alma and Betty
At one point the other 2 (not me, swear to God, I refused to be part of it) started talking about a 4th person we've all known for all this time who has similar tenture on the job. I'll call her Mary.
The topic was her boyfriend of over 15 years, John.
When the name John came up, Alma vigorously stated, as I've her her announce before "JOHN IS SUCH A LOSER!" and, and she's done before, did that dumb "holding her hand up to her forehead, forming the letter L" Alma went on to say, as she has dozens of times, and in the exact same order "I don't know why she stays with him. He's worthless. He's such a loser. What has he done all these years. She should get rid of him, He's a loser." etc. etc.
Betty, although less strident, agreed, and said John really was lazy, and she doesn't understand why Mary has been with him so long.
This went back and forth a couple more times.....boring as I've heard this all before.
Alma then answered with "well, he must be good in bed."
Finally I said something...."Being good in bed doesn't keep people together that long. That gets old"
Well, at least they agreed on that.
I won't bore you with more of the same.
The thing is?
In all the years I have known Mary, and we have spent a significant amount of time talking of each others lives, I have never, and I mean NEVER, heard her say the first negative thing about John.
She's only ever spoken of him with respect, and at times, with affection.
Mary's not a pushover, she is simply fulfilled in the way her relationship is with this man, and and outright said so.
At one point, maybe 8 years ago, Mary did ask the input of some people close to her, re her relationship. At that time, she was evaluating if she wanted to get married, meaning be in the state of marriage with anyone. She wasn't sure, but thought maybe that's what she wanted. John, Mary shared, was satisfied with their current arrangement.
She had, back then, point blank asked me what I thought about this, and I said. "I like being married. I enjoy being in that state. At the age/circumstances I was in when I married, I would not have wanted to stay with someone who didn't want that. I would have looked elsewhere." (an aside, if I was unmarried for any reason today, I'm not all sure I would look for it again. I'm at a different place in life)
I know that Mary took what I said, and what everyone else said who she asked, and carefully considered it all. She's a careful person. What she obviously decided was that staying in the relationship was more important and pushing a marriage, which I suppose she decided wasn't that important, as she doesn't want children, and I guess other reasons.
When I observed that they were staying together, no more requests for input, I never offered another word. From what I know of her, she wouldn't stay in a relationship she wasn't satisfied in, and that's all I need to know.
@cicerone imposter,
Hurt my feelings? How would you do that?
Besides - you weren't even speaking to me.
I think you're funny, in a mean-spirited petty sort of way.
I keep having to remind myself you're an adult and not the back-handed passive aggressive game-playing junior highschool-age boy you present yourself as.
Jesus - I wish I was going to be in San Francisco in May.
I'd pay money to meet you, see you look me in the eye and then sit across from me for the duration of one meal.
Let's see - maybe I CAN be...no...New Jersey in March, Texas in April...no, I can't make it.
I know you're sorry to hear that.
Carry on with your big bad self ci - don't you worry about me.
I can take care of myself.
@chai2,
Quote:I won't bore you with more of the same.
Certainly not boring, but very interesting, to me at least.
In my original post i did say, every circumstance is different, and Mary's is. A woman with a strong career, been with him 15 years... for her, this works, and that's great.
What else is great is, i think i figured out how to use that quote button
Just hope i remember how i did that!
@Bayada,
Bayada wrote:
Quote:I won't bore you with more of the same.
Certainly not boring, but very interesting, to me at least.
In my original post i did say, every circumstance is different, and Mary's is.
A woman with a strong career, been with him 15 years... for her, this works, and that's great.
What else is great is, i think i figured out how to use that quote button
Just hope i remember how i did that!
As Columbus told the King of Spain:
" its e z, if u know how."
David
@OmSigDAVID,
Quote:As Columbus told the King of Spain:
" its e z, if u know how."
Forgive me David, practicing the 'quote' button from your post
Thank you JPB (if your listening) for pointing out the BBCode Editor. That's what i was overlooking.
@Bayada,
interesting research in light of this thread
Quote:The Downside of Forgiveness
So now we’re also being too soft on our partners?
http://nymag.com/news/intelligencer/70839/
Quote:New research says we take it too easy on our spouses, too. James K. McNulty is an associate psychology professor at the University of Tennessee and the author of the recent study, published in the Journal of Family Psychology, that argues that men and women who absolve their partners end up with partners who only behave worse. “The take-home message is that forgiveness may lead to repeated transgressions,” is how McNulty puts it.
McNulty had this revelation back in 2008, when he was doing a two-year longitudinal study of newlyweds. He noticed how some of them kept behaving poorly—perhaps because their partners had forgiven them? So he launched a new study, one that included a closer look at this phenomenon.
Quote:To test his theory, McNulty recruited 135 recently married couples and asked them to fill out a single-page questionnaire every night for seven nights. The questionnaire asked, “Did your spouse do something negative today?”
<snip>
And then, the key question: McNulty asked the spouses whether they’d forgiven the bad behavior.
For those who had granted pardons, their partners were almost twice as likely to transgress again the next day, compared with spouses who had taken a harder line.
Worse, among spouses who had varied their reactions—swinging between showing mercy and staying ticked off—instances of forgiveness left their mates six times more likely to act terribly in turn.
Six times! It’s as if “apology accepted” can be the marital equivalent of feeding the kids Pop Rocks for supper.
Quote:McNulty likes to couch so many of his responses in the academic’s favorite phrase: This warrants further study. (And no doubt it will.)
But what can be sussed from the existing work, McNulty suggests, is that maybe it’s time to fully own the unwavering righteousness that is within each of us but that our culture forces us to tamp down.
It’s time, people, to stand in judgment of the ones we love most.
Because once we do, the world begins to turn in our favor. Our wayward—or insufferable—spouses heel. That’s at least what McNulty discovered.
@ehBeth,
Thank you Beth for the very interesting link.
Quote:(McNulty) Worse, among spouses who had varied their reactions—swinging between showing mercy and staying ticked off—instances of forgiveness left their mates six times more likely to act terribly in turn.
This is so true. Forgiving bad behavior only tells the abuser that it is, okay, to act that way.
It becomes too much for the 'good' spouse. That spouse falls into depression.
'Bad' spouse is sick of watching 'good' spouse crying all the time. Tired of listening to her/his ****. Instead of staying in the relationship and correcting the bad behavior... the 'bad' spouse will eventually and ultimately leave and find another to leech off of.. or abuse.
