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Could he be telling the truth?

 
 
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 04:15 pm
Oh god, can't believe I have to ask this, but I don't want to involve my family

My husband and I have been together for 5 years now and have two wonderful children. In the past I have caught him emailing women, many moons ago... I chalked it up to the beginning of the relationship.... right before we got married I was told he tried to sleep with his best friend when I was pregnant with out first child. They both denied it. Keep in mind that he tried via text messages but never made a physical move

I chalked it up to that fact that I will never know the truth but he didn't sleep with her... plus the source was not the most reliable source

So here we are now, going over our phone bill together, which we never do, he pays the cell phones... out of pure curiousity to see who texts more I asked him to scroll down to his phone list

low and behold he has been texting this number night and day all the time (there were two other frequent numbers)... he tried to tell me that it was some online site that sent him stuff and he texted back to get it to stop...

So he lied about it... then finally admitted her name was Naomi... (another was Danielle and another is unknown)... He even was texting her the other night when I tried to get ahold of him for two hours and he claims his phone wasn't on him

He swears he is not cheating... but he lied... emotional cheating hurts just as much as physical cheating...

So now he goes on the say he will have no life and talk to nobody.. he says he will get rid of his phone and email,etc... which it turn to me seems like he is trying to guilt me into thinking this... I am not a snoop nor have ever been a snoop... we were looking at the bill together

so what do you think... am I a fool?
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 04:26 pm
Yes - for over 5 years.
0 Replies
 
tommot2002
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 04:30 pm
@Crazielady420,
CrazieLady420 i find your problems distressing, you have clearly been cheated on many times and are very hurt from the experience. I feel your pain and understand its hard to let of go of someone you have clearly been in love with for some time. You are not a fool get rid of him he seems to be more trouble than he's worth.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 04:33 pm
@Crazielady420,
Crazielady420 wrote:
So now he goes on the say he will have no life and talk to nobody.. he says he will get rid of his phone and email,etc... which it turn to me seems like he is trying to guilt me into thinking this... I am not a snoop nor have ever been a snoop... we were looking at the bill together

so what do you think... am I a fool?


I wouldn't say you've been, or are, a fool .... but ... geez louise, that whole "I'll have no life... talk to nobody" shtick makes me roll my eyes.

Is talking to his family "no life"? sounds like he needs to grow up more than a bit. You guys are a family.

Maybe a little more couple time and texting between the two of you?
Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 04:33 pm
@tommot2002,
I do not believe he has ever physically cheated, he quite frankly doesn't have much opportunity or time. However I wholeheartedly believe that he has been talking to this woman on more than a friendship level and I truly believe this is not the first time...

Based on this, I am not sure where to go. Do I get a divorce, how would that affect my children? Do I believe him?

I am not worried about myself so much as I am my children...
Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 04:37 pm
@ehBeth,
I believe he says that in turn to make me feel guilty for even thinking it. I see it that he lied to me to cover his tracks. He feels that because she is a girl he cannot talk to girls...

I do not feel I am wrong, he lied to me and gave me just cause to be suspicious. I did not seek this out. I never get mad when he has friends or goes out to play darts, etc. etc.

As for more couple time, there is no more room. I work 40 hours a week and come home to the kids. I attend physical therapy twice a week and he plays darts on Tuesday nights (Thursday nights during playoffs which just ended this past week)
tommot2002
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 04:47 pm
@Crazielady420,
You're right in thinking that the kids are the most important part in this situation. Firstly, how old are the children? Are they at a stable and mature enough age to handle their parents divorcing? And how does the situation with your husband now? Do you argue in the house hold?
Ultimately what you have to decide do you see this 'cyber' action as cheating? If you can no longer trust your husband, and feel therefore the relationship can no longer go anywhere,then unfortunately divorce is the answer.
CalamityJane
 
  3  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 04:49 pm
@Crazielady420,
I am sorry that you have such hardship in your marriage, crazy.
Before you make any emotional decision, think rational and talk to your
husband. Suggest counseling together and go from there....

Crazy, you are both very young and you have started a family at a very young
age, this can be overwhelming to anyone and especially young men who
haven't had an opportunity to live the single life for all too long.

For the sake of your kids, you both owe it to them to try to work things
out and go to joint counseling. I sure hope it will work out in your favor,
good luck to you, honey!
Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 04:51 pm
@tommot2002,
My oldest will be three next month and my youngest is 7 months.

Situation, he is a brick wall and I argue with myself. He doesn't like to argue.

I can no longer trust him. Four different offenses to me, I cannot see how I can believe him anymore.
tommot2002
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 04:54 pm
@Crazielady420,
You have answered the question yourself, get a divorce. He clearly doesn't understand you or treat you right and you seem to feel like you could be better off on your own. Good luck
Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 04:56 pm
@CalamityJane,
Thank you

I have previously suggested couples counseling, he always says he doesn't feel the need for anyone to know about our personal lives. I even explained to him that it would be me and him talking and they would be the referee telling us when we are not looking at it correctly.

He is four years older than me. He will be 30 this year. He had much more of a 'life' before me than I did. He did the whole bar scene, tech school, serious relationships. He was 26 when he became a dad. I met him when I was 21 and missed out on all that. Trust me, he experienced the single life all right, over and over and over again!

I do agree, however and I do plan to approach him about counseling again. However at this time I have asked him to sleep in the guest room, which he refuses to do so.
Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 04:57 pm
@tommot2002,
God I wish it were that easy, I do... If I didn't have my kids, I'd be out the door...

CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 05:04 pm
@tommot2002,
Will you shut the hell up and stop telling that girl to get a divorce while you
don't know the full extend of this situation, never mind 2 small children involved. Gheez, some people have nerves!
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 05:07 pm
@tommot2002,
After reading this http://able2know.org/topic/166633-1
I know for sure that you're a nutcase!
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 05:14 pm
@Crazielady420,
I was just thinking about this while I was attacking some tomatoes with a knife Cool

I can't imagine you being with a guy who wasn't smart enough to realize that going over the phone bill/s would bring the situation to light. I guess I'd ask him what he thought was going to happen when you found out. Does he expect you to continue to overlook his behaviour? What efforts (not doing something is not an effort) is he going to make to keep your family intact?

Does he realize that you are seriously contemplating an end to the relationship?

How would he react to you giving him a choice of who the two of you are going to talk to about this? i.e. not a question of if you're going to discuss this, but a question of who (my personal favourite [ red pajama/blue pajama] forced choice approach)
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 05:15 pm
@Crazielady420,
Crazielady420 wrote:
he always says he doesn't feel the need for anyone to know about our personal lives


does he feel a need to stay in an adult relationship with you?

I know that we only get one side of things here, but he sounds emotionally lazy.
0 Replies
 
djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 05:18 pm
@CalamityJane,
so, you feel questioning the aerodynamic capabilities of felines is strange Razz
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 05:19 pm
@djjd62,
It's a classic of this site - danE and Craven used to have threads like that in the early days - I think they planned to coat the cats in peanut butter first. Fun times.
djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 05:23 pm
@ehBeth,
it's funny i started going through my box set of monty python episodes (not for the first time i must say) and just last night i watched the episode where the two men in a field were discussing the aerodynamics of sheep (see their attempts to fly, notice how they do not so much fly as plummet)
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Jan, 2011 05:24 pm
@ehBeth,
Oh, that was that perpetual motion thing. The bread was butter side up; cats always land on their feet.
0 Replies
 
 

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