My husband thinks I am not beautiful.

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We got married less than a year ago. And I know he loves me a lot.. But.. I know for a fact that he thinks I am not attractive. Before knowing me my husband was ina serious relationship with this girl for 3 odd years who later dumped her for his best friend. He was devastated with the whole incident. It took him more than ayear to get over the whole break-up. I was a chat friend of his initially. He had discussed the whole story with me back then and used to tell me how beautiful she was. But when I saw her picture I thought I looked so much better than her. But I dont know why for my husband's eyes I am not attactive. He's told me that once in a while to avoid the whole conversation that he thinks I look 'ok'! Why does he think she was ao beautiful and I am not.

Do you think the problem lies in me?? Do you think I am obessing over the whole situation? Cause I know he is very loving.. He keeps me very happy.. But i am unable to let go of this thought. We always land up into an argument whenever I get this topic out.. Please help me.. What should I do??

Eversince I've know what he thinks of me even I've started to think I aint that attractive. I am kind of losing my self-confidence. PLease help!

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@Samantha Jones,

He thinks she's better looking because she dumped him, meaning she's too good for him - in his own mind. You haven't left him, so he thinks you're just 'okay'.

Okay, I'm just guessing, but that's how it sounds.

I wish you had gotten to know his quirks before marrying him, but that's the way it often works.

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@Samantha Jones,

Samantha Jones wrote:

Do you think the problem lies in me??

No.

Quote:

Do you think I am obessing over the whole situation?

Yes. It also appears that your husband is obsessed. Beauty in people is a combination of physical appearance and character. Your husband appears not to understand this. If this woman dumped him, and in fact chose his "best friend" to run off with (protect us all from such "friends"), than there is no beauty in her character. Your husband needed to grow up.

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@Samantha Jones,

It sadly could be the start of a campaign to lower your self-esteem so he can gain more control over both you and the relationship. It could in fact relate to needing to make sure by lowering your self-worth that you will not leave him as his old girlfriend did.

I also question that a man can be in love with a woman and not think she is attractive at least in his eyes.

Remembering back that my wife was just 'OK' when I first met her however somewhere along the line someone wave a magic wand or my eyesight got better because now all I see when I look at her is beauty itself.

Oh, to also address your question there is nothing wrong with you however I can not say the same thing about your husband.

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Are you ASKING him all the time?
You may be coming off as needy and insecure - two turnoffs for a man.

Do yourself a favor and get a makeover and feel confident about how YOU think you look. If you feel confident and frisky, he will follow.

My husband hardly ever told me I was pretty. Yet, I knew he felt that way from how he treated me. I didn't need to hear those words, but I needed to be treated well. That he did.

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I am not a very handsome man. I am pudgy, out of shape and balding. My wife seems to love me anyway. Apparently my other qualities make up for this. I am OK with this.

Is being beautiful that important?

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@PUNKEY,

The problem here guys is he had have no problem stating that his old love is beautiful to her but does not tell her the same.

That kind of behavior would be annoying and hurtful to anyone in a relationship male or female.

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@BillRM,

That breaks rule number one of relationships. Never talk about previous relationships. Never ask, and never tell.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

Quote:

That breaks rule number one of relationships. Never talk about previous relationships. Never ask, and never tell.

I talk about my ex-wife every once in a blue moon but only to tell my wife how damn lucky I am to have her.

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It is very possible that your husband feels that if he tells you how beautiful you are you will leave him. If he lowers your self esteem you will not be tempted to look elsewhere.

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@Samantha Jones,

Unfortunately, even a year after the big breakup, you were probably a rebound relationship. He wasn't over her, still isn't over her, and probably shouldn't have gotten married.

I'm usually not someone who jumps straight to counseling as a recommendation, but the two of you need a marriage counselor and you will end up needing private help if he continues to make you feel like second desserts.

Good luck, I hope you either get some joint counseling or bail on this marriage before you have children and end up having to spend the next 18 years dealing with kids/custody/child rearing.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qh9ZZgDqzAg

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Coasters

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1ZJiBHh-Yw&feature=related

The guy on sax for the Coasters was the best there ever ******* was...

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@Samantha Jones,

Quote:

but when I saw her picture I thought I looked so much better than her.

Without a photograph of either you or his exgirlfriend, you are asking us to take your word at purely unadulterated face value. For all we know, you are either biased or don't have an eye for beauty and aesthetics.

Quote:

But I dont know why for my husband's eyes I am not attactive. He's told me that once in a while to avoid the whole conversation that he thinks I look 'ok'! Why does he think she was ao beautiful and I am not.

It's a tad dismissive of others to say that he's just suffering from the grass is greener on the other side syndrome. Maybe he is or maybe he isn't. We haven't heard his side yet.

Be grateful for his honesty. People want an honest partner then scoff when they're told the truth.

If your husband is still pining for his exgirlfriend (physically and emotionally) then your relationship is in trouble. Ask him if why he wants to be to in this relationship. Ask him to add up all the positives he sees in you.

If the list is a long great one, then I suggest you stop whining and love him for being an honest person. If the list seems meager and petty, then you should consider ending the marriage.

1 Reply

@tsarstepan,

A picture wouldn't solve anything, tsar - beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
and what may be unattractive to one guy, the next guy would find beautiful.

Before you get to know a person, you have a physical attraction towards that person. If you don't, there is no connection made at all. Usually, you can
tell within minutes of meeting someone, if that person is attracting you or
not. If not, you might become friends, but very rarely enter a relationship.
That's just a natural occurrence. This person doesn't have to be beautiful in
the conventional sense, but you yourself have to be attracted to this person.

So, if her husband is telling her, she's not beautiful, he in essence is telling
her that he's not attracted to her. Like JPB said, she unfortunately is
the rebound relationship and he needed for her to lick his wounds and
boost his ego.

I can see, if a husband tells his wife after 20 years of marriage, and 200+
additional pounds, that she's has become unattractive, but not after one
year of marriage and no physical changes.

1 Reply

@CalamityJane,

For all we know, the husband could be somewhat autistic and could be literally telling the wife that he doesn't find her aesthetically beautiful and that he isn't making an implicit statement against their emotional connection or possible lack therein.

You could be very well correct and this could be a rebound relationship... and that's most likely a bad thing for the strength and structure to the current relationship. I'm just saying we shouldn't assume the poster isn't completely rational with her beliefs. A little more evidence is needed to help her with her alleged problem. And we shouldn't either kick a person to the ground when he can't defend his story because of his absence to this thread.

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@Samantha Jones,

That's a terrible thing to say to a woman, particularly one you hope will stay around.

So...stop asking him.

If he volunteers such a comment, say, "Well, that's okay. You're not that hot yourself, so we match!" (It'll take him a while to figure out how to respond to that.)

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@Samantha Jones,

It's hard to comment not knowing how long you guys were together, but beauty is different for everyone. Some people also hold themselves very highly in comparison to others, and it may or may not be true.

You have to look at the good side though, you guys are married and probably for good reason. A guy isn't going to marry a girl that he doesn't like....ALOT. Look at how much it costs , just to get married, that's a lot of money just to marry someone you're "okay" with. Just know that even though he may think shes "prettier" than you, you also have to know that he also probably thinks all of the celebrities are also. In the end he's married to you, so that's what counts.

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@Samantha Jones,

Samantha Jones wrote:

We got married less than a year ago. And I know he loves me a lot.. But.. I know for a fact that he thinks I am not attractive. Before knowing me my husband was ina serious relationship with this girl for 3 odd years who later dumped her for his best friend. He was devastated with the whole incident. It took him more than ayear to get over the whole break-up. I was a chat friend of his initially. He had discussed the whole story with me back then and used to tell me how beautiful she was. But when I saw her picture I thought I looked so much better than her. But I dont know why for my husband's eyes I am not attactive. He's told me that once in a while to avoid the whole conversation that he thinks I look 'ok'! Why does he think she was ao beautiful and I am not.

Do you think the problem lies in me?? Do you think I am obessing over the whole situation? Cause I know he is very loving.. He keeps me very happy.. But i am unable to let go of this thought. We always land up into an argument whenever I get this topic out.. Please help me.. What should I do??

Eversince I've know what he thinks of me even I've started to think I aint that attractive. I am kind of losing my self-confidence. PLease help!

If he treats you right, then I don't see how your look matters, or are you so fixated that you have to hear him say you are beautiful? Or how is it that this topic comes about?

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Hmmm, since this OP seems extremely incoherent, I assume it's nothing but a whining aria and attention whoring.

1 Reply

My husband thinks I am not beautiful.

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