@Samantha Jones,
Samantha Jones wrote:
We got married less than a year ago. And I know he loves me a lot.. But.. I know for a fact that he thinks I am not attractive. Before knowing me my husband was ina serious relationship with this girl for 3 odd years who later dumped her for his best friend. He was devastated with the whole incident. It took him more than ayear to get over the whole break-up. I was a chat friend of his initially. He had discussed the whole story with me back then and used to tell me how beautiful she was. But when I saw her picture I thought I looked so much better than her. But I dont know why for my husband's eyes I am not attactive. He's told me that once in a while to avoid the whole conversation that he thinks I look 'ok'! Why does he think she was ao beautiful and I am not.
Do you think the problem lies in me?? Do you think I am obessing over the whole situation? Cause I know he is very loving.. He keeps me very happy.. But i am unable to let go of this thought. We always land up into an argument whenever I get this topic out.. Please help me.. What should I do??
Eversince I've know what he thinks of me even I've started to think I aint that attractive. I am kind of losing my self-confidence. PLease help!
I'm not even sure where to start on this, or if I should even respond. I looked it over a few times and figured that I probably have nothing constructive to say that would help you any and that anything I had to say would probably be viewed as negative so I figured I shouldn't even respond.
But I hate that and to be fair if you are presenting your situation on a public forum then you are subject to responses even if they might not be what you want to hear, so here goes, like it or hate it.
I don't believe your husband thinks you are not beautiful. Now that might sound like a positive and negative thing together but to be honest I don't see how he could actually rationalize that without making a complete ass of himself. Think about it? He got married to a woman that he doesn't think is beautiful? Seriously? So he just settled with you because you provided something other than beauty? Wow. Perhaps that is shallow of me but I don't see why you would do such a thing let alone tell the person that after you are with them.
The other aspect is that you have seen a picture of her and you see yourself as being more attractive or more beautiful than her, then whats your husbands problem? I get the impression that he is purposely trying to discredit you for some reason.
So long explanation shortened. I think it's your husband who is messed up and not you. You want him to validate your beauty to give yourself confidence? Well he probably doesn't want you to have that confidence so he tells you otherwise. The question is, why doesn't he want you to have that confidence? Perhaps that woman bailed on him and she wasn't as attractive as you, and he might think that if you get it in your head that you are worth more than him then you'll bail on him like she did. So a way for him to maintain control over you and your relationship with him, is to pull out any thoughts that you could do better than him. I could be wrong but it's the only way that makes sense to me.
But-- it seems to sometimes reawaken the topic.
