Where are the real men??

Perhaps train is too difficult a word to use... Every single woman I have ever had a relationship has changed me in some fashion, and mostly for the better... My wife has had a greater and better effect on me than any single person on the planet, and it is in the nature of relationships that we are remade as new in them... The last couple of years have brought about some serious changes in my life... Instead of hardening me to change they have made me more plastic than I have ever been, and I mean that in the true sense of the word... I would make a stand for the essential me, but it is as though I am a child again with my life before me... I don't have a stand to make for MYSELF against the world, or my wife...

I have no interest in fighting her on any issue not entirely essential to my very existence... It is because my sense of self, and my sense of what is important in life has totally changed.... I want the best thing I have ever known, and so far, that has been her and my life with her... So if it don't matter it don't matter and I am not going to make it matter... If she wants the suger here and I want it there it is going to be here, because what I truly want is for her to have the world as she wants it because she has had enough of trouble in life and from me and enough is enough is enough....

A number of issues with society today will leave women wanting. Boundaries and principles of respect aren't exactly flourishing, and sexual freedom makes men more likely to experiment and want "different flavours". Long gone are the days that a marraige would be forever. Due to breakdown in the natural family set up, men just aren't getting decent father figures that will teach them to put up a shelf, use the washing machine or even change the oil in the car. Commitment is at an all time low due to the "look after ones self" mantra of the past 20 -30 years, lazyness has become an epidemic with Television and XBox taking more and more of a mans time at home. Without moral and practical guidance, there just aren't all that many good men out there.

On another note, women have the most awful habit of choosing the wrong guys. You may admire confidence and charm, but trust me, those that have it in spades are usually the ones to avoid. The best ones are the ones that probably wouldnt chat you up in a public place, so your best bet is to build a decent pool of friends through positive social action, and should a spark arise with a friend that has the attributes you want, fantastic, but if not, you have exactly that, a decent pool of friends who will keep you from topping yourself.

Partly, like when people are told that they must make sure that they have their own support system and money should the union fail, they are in effect taught to plan for failure, and then they do. When failure is planned for, when failing is easy, people tend to fail in their unions, this is not surprising. The bigger problem how ever is that people are taught that to need another person is dependency and represents personal failure. This is BS, when we find the right person we are better in union with them then we could ever be as individuals. She we roll the dice and lose big if it does not work out, but when did people get to be such wimps, so unwilling to take a chance on a better life?

Yep, the best woman is the woman who wants you, and often this is a woman who thinks that she needs a man or else is willing to give up part of herself to her man, as her man gives up part of himself to her. I have often heard, and believe, that the absolute worst women to get involved with are the ones who work on their bodies through dance or aerobics with the aim of being on magazine covers or do product promotion. They have looks, confidence and charm galore, but they have nothing that they are willing to give a man. They are the ice queens.

problem is people view relationships as viable partnerships these days rather than being together in Love. Life in tandem with someone merely because you need someone and you can stand to be around another doesnt make them relationship material, especially if it is a chance meeting in a bar/club, as you have no real foundation for a relationship. You want a man or woman who truly wants you like hawk says, be positive and be patient.
Also like I told my brother, if you want a girl or guy to want you, you should cultivate your best qualities, and have faith that you are the best person that they could be with (although no one is perfect it is a confidence thing) If you always put others before yourself, that is one of the most attractive qualities you can obtain, and the very same quality that I love about my wife with whom I have been married 5 years 4 months and 10 days give or take a couple of hours. I still wake up to breakfast in bed, hugs on sight, and we love each others company. If you wait for the right one, and then throw yourself into it with no hangups, you will do just fine.

Just beware the tools.

I think we are in agreement...I see intimate relationship as three entities, me, her and the marriage. I invest myself into the marriage, it is the nebulous always changing thing that neither of us control but only influence. People today look at marriage as two people cooperate for as long as they both feel like it, but they are never more than their individual selves....the marriage never lives. I say that these people are not really married, and of course I get the stink eye for saying it. As the Demi Moore character said in the movie "About last Night" intimate relationship now is "Two people committed to screwing until they get sick of each other"....this was intended to be a sarcastic line in the movie, but that was 1986, WE COME A LONG WAY BABY!



Oh, the days of youth...that never works long term because if you dont take care of yourself you are done for, you just end up feeling resentful that others did not take care of you to the degree that you thought you should be been taken care of....you need to take care of yourself, and do it first, and then worry about other people and trying to make others happy if you are into that kind of futile work. Happiness and contentment come from inside of us, it can not be created by others and those who take responsibility for others happiness/welfare/contentment almost always crash and burn. It is not pretty. These are the ones who are by mid life bitter, alone, in the bottle and/or mentally ill.

I am young I guess, well 27 years young, however I remain to date a perpetual optimist despite spending a good few years to the contrary during my growing years. It may be down to the community within which I live, but in my experience putting others first (provided you have sturdy inner foundations) always reaps benefits. In my marriage we have a backwards mantra, which is that I look after her, and in return she looks after me, and we are both incredibly happy. For instance, I hate ironing, however my mother was a steamstress and therefore I am quite good at it, I do it because I do not want my dear one to have to as she hates it too, and it takes me a 3rd of the time.
It works with most people, however you have to be able to identify those that are merely exploiting your kindness, because there are a few out there that will drain you. If you select good people to be around you, and you look after them well, you get well looked after. It is a little trusting, and perhaps naive, but good people do gravitate towards kindness, Including a better calibre of men/women.

Look after people, and people look after you.

The real problem is the SEARCH. Some women are plain nuts when it comes to relationships. They don't know what they're looking for, but like a dog in heat, they're always on the prowl.

so are men

To search is dangerous, to notice is of greater value

STILL no defintion of "real men"





David

One; and the negative: Not You...

So, what is the definition of a "fake man?" I think that would be the "mama's boy" who's mother raised him for herself, not teaching in some way independence, or maybe just the joy of being. A mother cares for her children inside the home, opens the front door and introduces them to the world. They are not hers, she should not "worry" about them. Thoughts are things and when someone worries about another they wish them ill will.

I suspect that the "real men" are off somewhere, busy having very nice relationships with real women.

A real man is defined by his DNA,
as distinct from a dog, or a tree.

There r many varieties of real men,
some good, some bad n some indifferent in many ways, according to different criteria.

Some of the most foul, repugnant & dangerous miscreants
(e.g., Stalin, the Kennedys n Hitler) were real men.



David

Or, they are having very nice relationships with each other.

Yes, definitely another viable theory, max.

Like Anni Defranco said: Women learn to be women, and men learn to be men, and I don't want to blame it all on you baby; but I still don't want to be your friend...

Why dont you start by making yourself worthy of one...then he'll find you.

Fido
Quote..
Perhaps train is too difficult a word to use... Every single woman I have ever had a relationship has changed me in some fashion, and mostly for the better... My wife has had a greater and better effect on me than any single person on the planet, and it is in the nature of relationships that we are remade as new in them... The last couple of years have brought about some serious changes in my life... Instead of hardening me to change they have made me more plastic than I have ever been, and I mean that in the true sense of the word... I would make a stand for the essential me, but it is as though I am a child again with my life before me... I don't have a stand to make for MYSELF against the world, or my wife...

I have no interest in fighting her on any issue not entirely essential to my very existence... It is because my sense of self, and my sense of what is important in life has totally changed.... I want the best thing I have ever known, and so far, that has been her and my life with her... So if it don't matter it don't matter and I am not going to make it matter... If she wants the suger here and I want it there it is going to be here, because what I truly want is for her to have the world as she wants it because she has had enough of trouble in life and from me and enough is enough is enough.... Unquote

If you are thinking and being the same man now, as you were the day you got married .... And your wife is the same. You are some couple and neither of you would have needed "training". I unfortunately used to think and act like what I thought was manly, my wife thought differently and is still training me. I must be close to being "the" man in my life thou ....... Cause she said the other day, when I died she intends to keep my ashes in a jar in the lounge and when she died was going to get ashed and be mixed in with me.