Did I get raped?

but, but, but ... he's good to his mother!

If you say so.

LOL ok you were raped and it is not your fault and is all the fault of your male partner.

You got so drunk you do not remember completely what happen and that is not your responsibility either and you do not have a drinking problem as you are a college student and all such are request to be drunk at least once a week.

At least you were not under the influence during your English class you so you can judge my limitations.

Go luck to you and any male who is unlucky enough to be your sexual partner in the future.

Bill, I think you will find that Dosed has already said she came to the conclusion that it was not rape.

Dosed, you said the following That actually does indicate a drinking problem - though perhaps it was just a poor explanation.

People do go through what you experienced on alcohol. I've seen people who forget what you tell them 1 min ago, so you find yourself repeating things over and over. I've seen people who forgot what happened to them, and so made up memories in their mind of what happened and believed it true. I've seen people 'jump to conclusions' the day after as something being the 'only possible explanation'. On the other hand, I've seen people pass out and remember everything. An others that sometimes remember, sometimes don't. It's an odd thing alcohol, especially when too much is taken in.

There are other explanations too of course. Lack of food is one, losing track of drinks is another (especially if someone is refilling for you), or having your body in an unusual state is another possibility (ie. sick / stressed / emotional turmoil etc) that may have caused a bad cumulative reaction.

As previously, you seem to have learnt some lessons, which is a good thing.

Dosed, I think you are making an excellent point about the psychological/emotion aspect of rape--the feeling that you are being raped. And yes, what you experienced was the feeling of being raped, no question in my mind about that, because you described it quite clearly. You experienced a sexual contact that you didn't ask for and didn't want, and that is a sexual assault, certainly on an emotional and psychological level. So, yes, in that sense you were raped--because you felt violated while it was happening as well as afterward. And you felt as though penetration had occurred. I wouldn't diminish or belittle your feelings about that sense of violation. It doesn't matter if what happened to you fits the legal definition of rape. On an emotional level you went through the experience of being raped--you felt like you were being sexually violated, and, in a real sense, you were being violated.

But, when we start talking about the legal aspects of rape--whether you gave consent (or appeared to), whether you tried to resist or said, "No", whether his intention was to violate you, whether he should have been aware of your extremely intoxicated (or possibly drugged) state and your consequent inability to resist, or to legally consent, we're really in quite different territory than what the experience felt like to you. If penetration had occurred, would your experience legally be considered a rape? Possibly yes, possibly no. It's very ambiguous. And we have no idea how he perceived the situation at the time, and he wasn't sober either. He may have believed you were consenting, because your mentioned a condom, and you weren't saying, "No" or trying to stop him, and you may have appeared fully conscious and aware to him (and to your friend in the front seat--who said you seemed "game for whatever was going down" ). So, even if technically what happened to you could be considered a legal rape, it wouldn't be the sort of rape a D.A. would want to charge anyone with because the circumstances were too murky. Of course, if that guy had slipped you a drug, that would change the circumstances considerably, because it would indicate that his intent was to disable you so he could assault you. But it's unclear whether that happened.

You've made it clear that you weren't interested in charging the man with rape, so I assume you are just trying to process the experience in your own mind, and starting this thread was part of that. And, as I said before, I do think that on an emotional/psychological level you went through the experience of being raped, and your feelings about that are very valid. I don't think you should blame yourself for what happened, and I'm not sure that, in this particular instance, all things considered, you should blame him either. Blame isn't going to help anything. It was simply a very bad, unpleasant, unwanted, and distressing experience for you. And you've learned something from it. You can't drink so much that you lose your ability to exercise control in a situation. You can't leave your drinks unattended. You have to tell your friends to keep a more careful eye on you, if you want them to be more protective. You shouldn't hook up with a guy you don't know well who might be too drunk to control himself in a situation. You have to take better care of yourself so you're able to communicate, "No", in no uncertain terms, when that's what you want to say. Hopefully, having learned those things will help to keep you safer.

I'm glad you are seeing a counselor. And I think that maybe you should talk about your alcohol consumption with that person, and why you might make statements like:

Why is alcohol such a big part of your life? What does it do for you? What do you need it to do for you? Are you too inhibited without it? Too anxious without it? Those sorts of things are all reasonable and important issues you might want to discuss with your counselor to help you understand yourself better, and help you to find better ways of handling your emotions without using alcohol for that purpose.

I sincerely hope you'll be able to come to terms with what happened to you, Dosed. Good Luck.

I don't blame either person except for advancing into stupidity, which probably most of us here can understand. Or, many of us can. I doubt it was some drug, though possible.

My own rape was at noon and involved no alcohol, rape as aggression with muscle power away from people to help.

Your hymen wasn't violated, Dosed. He may have touched you (or not, what do I know).

You will have to talk with yourself about a lot of matters, as most of us do.
I now don't hate men or are afraid of them, though I have friends that are.

It really is quite remarkable that you do not hate men. So many women that have been raped do hate men and unfortunately, as long as they keep that hate, I don't think they can really recover.

Nah, he was an oaf.
I am lucky to have been acquainted with and once in a while loved some really good men. That took some time.

I hated men for a long time. But, then I met my husband. He taught me how to trust men again. He is a real blessing to me.

This is good, re your husband.

I'm more complicated than I seem - Sozobe knows me. But I like my space.

Gotcha

I have to add that I was friends with good men before the tough time.
Those weren't lovers, and my virginity 'loss' had been wonderful. I mean that I liked, was interested in men.

I think, now, all these years later, that all the good experiences were a ballast for my bad times.

But, this is off topic.

She jump him she got on top of him and at no time later told him that he should stop.

That is not sexual assault and that is not rape!!!!!!!!

I can not think of a more dangerous female then one who get horny after having a few drinks or many drinks and jump some guy bones and then wish to place the "blame" for the sex on the male after she is no longer horny or under the influence.

She can have the sex and still be a good girl at the same time and that might be nice for her but it can destroy a young man future for no good purposes.

In any case, she does need counseling to understand her own sex drive and how she seems to be in conflict over it.

That it is also not wise and very harmful to used alcohol as an excused for having sex and it is very very unfair to her sexual partners to use the R word in such a context.

From her own words, what happens was not rape in a legal, or moral sense and it should not be in an emotional sense either.

She needs counseling for her own welfare and for the future welfare of the men in her life also.

But here she is peddling it as a rape experience anyway although she is not quite ready to hang the guy for a change. Why can't we conclude that two young people got sloshed, lost control of themselves, and did stupid ****? Why does the one with the hole get to be the violated one, the wronged one?

Oh right, because under feminist theory the guy always takes the blame for women being stupid, plus what ever else he has legitimately earned.

She's not peddling a damn thing.

Dosed, some background. Hawkeye, BillRM, Arella Mae and Firefly have all been having a very long argument about rape, in general, on another thread. That argument seems to have moved over here, and while some of it has some relation to what you're saying, there is also some that has nothing at all to do with your situation.

Firefly is indeed peddling and aiding the young lady in seeing herself as a victim.

She is a "victim" but of her own actions.

I am not bringing that argument over here. I am not even in that other thread anymore. So there will be no arguments from me.

OK, cool. I haven't checked the other thread in a while.

Anyway, main point is just that I want Dosed to know that some of what is being said about her and her situation has more to do with entrenched positions than anything she's actually said here.