Did I get raped?

Wow ive been attacked, cussed out, and mocked however this post is the first one that has actually offended me. From her statement there are no facts that she was raped. she even asked her partner if he had a condom (although i guess someone like you would suggest that she was in the mood for some balloon animals). The suggestions made by others in this post as well as other post on the question of rape that there needs to be some common sense applied to the subject is valid. The answer to the question as to whether or not a woman was raped is quickly becoming all about what kind of mood she is in the morning.

Dont take this wrong there are legitimate rape cases and to the victims that are actual victims, who stated their intentions and took every possible action possible to prevent the sex act from occuring and was still forced into action then yes thats rape. This new definition has been interpreted to create an excuse for woman who cant take responsibility for their action, or in some cases inaction.

it is worse that that....it is to take one half of the participants out of responsibility for the encounter going bad by way of definition and law .....all while running a PR campaign that they are empowering women. Both the deceit and the assault on men are stunning .

This is kind of ridiculous, but whatever. I'll respond anyway.

Having a three month window of time to let everything sink in has been enlightening, to say the least.

When I look back at what happened, I still know that I did not want to have sex with that guy. The technicality of calling it "rape" isn't really as important to me anymore. I know that it was a mistake. I was incredibly drunk. I was dealing with a recent break up. I wanted to kiss the guy. I wanted to make out with the guy. But I did not want to have sex with him. I didn't want him to put his fingers inside me. I didn't want him to do anything like that. And he did (to this day I don't know exactly what happened--just that something was inside me at some point, and it hurt). I was too drunk to make my feelings known, and all I could think to do was to ask if he was wearing a condom.

I do not blame the guy, necessarily. Seeing as that none of you have been in the same situation, it's really strange that you are so quick to judge. When you're making out with a girl sober, you don't just stick your fingers and/or penis in her vagina without making sure she wants it--either through body language or verbal responses. I didn't give any of that. When I vocalized "do you have a condom on?" it was more of a frightening reaction rather than a sexy/turned on reaction. And I wasn't kissing him or holding onto him or anything like that anymore at that point, I was laying there, in and out of awareness of what was going on. I don't think being drunk is a valid excuse to not look for these reactions and be aware of them.

In any case, that's what I have to say about it three months later.

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It sure the hell is important to the guy who could have had his future destroy however!!!!!!

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You had cheerfully placed yourself in a sexual situation where you claimed you was too drunk to communicate your wishes clearly to your partner and that is somehow his fault not your?

Let see, how does this sound there was mixed feelings in your mind above having sex with this guy so you allowed yourself to get drunk and by doing so you could have the sex and still be a victim of an evil rapist.

Suggest that in the future you do not play those kinds of games and not placed yourself in a drunken or near drunken state in a sexual situation with anyone you are not 100 percent sure you wish to have sex ahead of time or at the very least have a frank talk with your sexual partner about limits before you two have gotten yourselves under the influence.

In any case, trying to placed the burden on a male partner to try to figure out your wishes correctly when you both had been drinking and you are giving him mixed signals is outrages.

according to the feminists yes, and most laws now reflect this view as well...

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Well Hawkeye under sex neutral assault laws, logic seems to demand that they would then both would be charge with raping each other if both of them were too far under the influence to grant consent.

Sometime however I have a wish that a data base of young women who had gotten themselves drunk an then cry rape could be created to warn young men not to date them.

Three months later do you consider yourself a rape victim?

If logic was the driving force would would not as a collective handle sexual regulation even remotely as we do now. We are at base still a very puritanical people, largely driven by fear and ignorance now that the can do optimism is mostly gone. This makes for some very stupid choices.

Lord Hawkeye, I feel bad for my three grandsons who will need to reach adulthood in this minefield of sexual laws.

Lol i think your "stay away from these woman" list is a brilliant idea. unfortunately list such as these are considered sexual harrasment as well. Got to love the catch 22

you guys are ******* idiots.

I never ever ever ever ever ever (as was stated in the very first post of this thread) wanted to press charges against this guy, or even make him aware of my feelings and confusion of "being raped." It was a personal issue, and I didn't want to involve him or get him in any trouble at all.

Secondly, you idiots make me ******* sick, talking about the technicalities of rape. you should take a look at this:
http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2010/04/21/denim-day-counts-all-the-ways-we-excuse-sexual-assault/

download the "no excuses campain" pdf flyer linked on that site and please, for society's sake, take a look at it.

It is very difficult to raise strong healthy men now, as we see with how poorly current copies tend to turn out. All you can do, and this is important, is to take the young men in your life under your wing. Teach them to be smart, and teach them to be true to themselves. Those who refuse to be oppressed will be free, even with nothing more than refusing to be silenced we show a good example. Standing up to bullies has always been a critical skill to teach.

I teach the same thing to my daughters, I believe in equality, I do not teach or support oppression.

? well thats why i asked if you had considered yourself raped. If not then we are not talking about you specifically. we are talking about how similar your situation is to others that result in life long consequences for the "rapist", when like your situation there was no hard evidence of rape. Actually I think that asking for a condom would be considered consent (using common sense) Im not trying to say its all your fault, but at the same time it wasnt all his.

Which I think you are agreeing with, Or am I wrong

I am more interested in what she would do if it happened again....now that she knows that the collective grants her the power to destroy the guy in cases where consent is confused, would she do it? Why, or why not?

good point

As I stated in my previous post, when I asked if he was wearing a condom, I asked it in a way that displayed fear in my voice. This and feeling something inside me is literally the only thing I remember about the experience. I was in and out of awareness. I don't know if I was passed out or not. I don't remember. If a girl is asking you fearfully if you're wearing a condom, I don't think that counts as consent.

I don't blame him entirely, he was drunk too. However, I don't excuse him penetrating me when I did not want it. It is because of this issue of the situation being unclear that I did not want to get him in any kind of trouble. It wasn't worth it. I simply wanted my own peace of mind and to work it out as a personal issue.

Do I feel like I'm a rape victim? Kind of. But it's not really important for me to define it. I know that I had sex that I wasn't even aware of for most of it. And most importantly, I didn't want it. I wasn't able to communicate that because I was inebriated by my own will. However, just because I was drunk and making out with a guy doesn't give him free range to **** me.

In any case, I've learned things about myself and why I was in that situation in the first place. I was vulnerable, heartbroken by someone else, and I wanted to have a good time. It went too far. No, it wasn't all his fault. But it did go too far, and I did not want him inside me.

In short, if she doesn't say "yes," why risk it? And I mean "yes." A "Y-E-S."

"do you have a condom on?" especially in a fearful voice, is not "Y-E-S."

People should know better. Period.

I don't understand why you all are ignoring the fact that I keep repeating over and over and over and over again that I never had intentions to get him in trouble. Can someone please explain why you are ignoring this!?

It has not been ignored, I long ago complimented you on your willingness to take your share of responsibility and for your willingness to be fair. The question being asked is, now that time has passed and now that the feminist viewpoint has been exposed to you as well as the counter argument, what would you do now? If a friend came to you with the exact story that you gave us what would you tell her she should do?

That is a very high level of consent....does this need to happen for each stage of the act,or just penetration? What penalty should apply to the guy if he does not ask for and get the verbals that you think are appropriate? Are you going to be asking before you kiss him, touch his joint, play with his ass and so forth? Do you really want sex to still be a question and answer session the 5000th time you have sex? Don't you think that the assumed incompetence/assumed willingness to hurt might get a bit soul deadening after awhile?

We are not ignoring it... we understand that you dont want to get him in trouble... but were you raped.

oh and a few problems i have with the site you posted
"Just because someone has consented to a sexual act in the past does not give someone the right to assume consent and force or coerce sexual contact."

really so now we cant coerce sexual contact.
definition of coerce: to compel to an act or choice <was coerced into agreeing> so i am not allowed to ask my wife for sex cuz that would be coercion... so the only way to get consent is to yell at the wall " i want sex with my wife" (cuz saying it to her would be coercian). Then she would have to yell at the wall I want to have sex with my husband. Since asking for another person to partake in any action falls under the definition of coercian, do you see how rediculus this campaign is.

#7 SHE WAS HIS WIFE:
to honor and "OBEY" some of us still take vowes seriously (however I had to ask that this statement be added into my vowes, it was taken out of the majority of vowes.)