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My Best Friend Is Giving Up

 
 
Reply Wed 22 Sep, 2010 09:23 am
I have the most wonderful best friend. Her name is Joy and it suits her quite well. She has been in my life every single day for the past ten years and has brought more joy to me than I could ever begin to tell anyone.

Joy has Lupus. Friday, she started another round of iron infusions. She became very ill this time and is now in the hospital. Her blood tests don't look good. It appears there is kidney and possibly liver damage. She is on morphine every three hours.

Joy is a fighter. She has gone through so much with her Lupus but she has always bounced back and was stronger than ever. Last week, she sent me an email. She told me she is so tired of being sick and in pain and wants to give up. Any other time she has told me this I encouraged her to fight it but this time something is different.

She hasn't been quite the same for a few months now. I think I've known that she was giving up. I emailed her back and told her that no matter what she decides to do in this life, I will support her 100%. I guess I was telling her it's okay to give up.

She always thinks of others before herself. She has been so heartbroken that her wonderful husband, Bobby, has had to do everything for her for quite awhile now. He loves her so much and he doesn't feel it is a burden to him but Joy thinks she is burdening him.

I am waiting to hear from Bobby on what the other tests conclude and I am having such a hard time not getting in my car and driving to Houston to be there with her. But, I know Joy, she wouldn't want me to do that until we know what's going on for sure.

I don't want to tell her goodbye. What will I do without her? She has been my rock when I've been sick. She has been my confidante when I needed a shoulder. She has been my straightman when we joked. She has been more family to me than anyone in my life other than my husband.

I know it is selfish of me to want to beg God to keep her alive and not let her go. I know it is selfish but I don't know what to do. She has been trying to prepare me for this for some time and I think she doesn't think I know that's what she was doing and I'm not going to tell her I know.

There is always the possibility that she may bounce back once again but someday it will happen that she leaves.

Please, for any of you that pray, pray for her. Pray that she finds peace and no more pain.

 
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Sep, 2010 09:26 am
@Arella Mae,
I have several friends with Lupus, it's a terrible disease.

healing thoughts for your friend...
0 Replies
 
BumbleBeeBoogie
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Sep, 2010 09:42 am
@Arella Mae,
Being a friend is being supportive of her desire to end her incurable suffering.

A woman I know had a very sick dog that had an incurable disease. She constantly gave the dog medication to keep him alive. The dog was in a lot of pain and unable to live a normal dog's life. Her husband insisted that they end the dogs suffering, which she continued to refuse to do. Finally, he told her he would take the dog to the vet without her. She finally agreed and the dog was euthanized. Why did she refuse to end the dogs suffering? She would miss the dog. She put her feeling first and the dogs quality of life last.

People who end their pet's incurable suffering show great love. If only we could show that love to people.

BBB
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Sep, 2010 09:47 am
@Arella Mae,
I hope that Joy can find the comfort and peace she needs.

She sounds like a lovely woman. It seems that you've been a very good, kind, understanding friend. I'm glad you are so understanding of your needs v hers.

I wish you peace and strength in supporting your friend.

Lupus is a particularly unkind disease.
0 Replies
 
Izzie
 
  4  
Reply Wed 22 Sep, 2010 09:52 am
@Arella Mae,
Hey Arella

The best friend you can be to her... is the one you are already.

When she feels weak, be there to lift her
When she feels scared, be her strength and take away her fears
Cry with her when she wants to cry
Laugh with her when she needs some good 'ole friendship medicine
When she needs quiet, be peaceful with her
When she is angry, listen to her and let her share

The best you can be to her, is be as you've been with her for 10 years - a friend, a confidante and mostly, a person who loves and respects her wishes and will hold her her hand 'til it's time for her to leave.

Live with her whilst she is living, laugh with her when she can laugh and love her with all your heart.

Then she'll have peace.

What will you do when she goes?... well Arella, she won't ever leave your heart, hold onto the memories and remember why you love her and remember she is, and will always be, your friend.

Praying, in my way, for you both
x
Arella Mae
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Sep, 2010 10:21 am
Thank all of you so much for your kind words. It is not going to be easy for me to let her go. It is so hard for me to not beg her to hang on but that's because I would miss her like BBB says. I have to put what she wants above what I want and I need to help Bobby do that. He is a lot stronger about it than I am. He understands she is letting go. We don't want her in pain anymore. She is so tired. I hear it in her voice. She just wants to go and I am going to respect that no matter how hard it is.

I am so going to miss her laugh and her temper. LOL She could get so ticked off at me sometimes. She never one time told me what I wanted to hear about something. Joy always has told me the truth even if she knew it would hurt my feelings. She has been a friend like no other.

I appreciate y'all letting me get this out. I am at work and we are pretty slow today and if I don't get this out I'm just going to be sitting here and crying and I know Joy would just hate that.
Arella Mae
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Sep, 2010 11:21 am
I just talked to Joy and Bobby at the hospital. Her hemoglobin is very low and there looks like some problems with her kidney function. The one thing they are sure of is that she has a lot of infection going on and they are treating it antibiotics. She sounded tired but she assured me she wasn't checking out yet. When I heard her voice I broke into tears and then she broke into tears. I love her so much.

Bobby said he is going to have them check her out head to toe while she is in the hospital. Please keep her in your prayers and thoughts.

Thank you all so much.
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Sep, 2010 11:24 am
She's gonna live on, in your head. Memory is immortality.
0 Replies
 
mags314772
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Sep, 2010 04:57 pm
@Arella Mae,
I lost my best friend to cancer a year ago. I have stood in your shoes and know your pain. It is so hard to let go. You will never forget Joy or the love you have for each other. No one can ever take that from you. Get professional help, if you need it to deal with the terrible loss. My thoughts are with you and your dear friend
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Sep, 2010 05:08 pm
@Izzie,
I'll second Izzie.

Be with her, eh? And let it be quiet if that is what she wants.
0 Replies
 
Pemerson
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Sep, 2010 05:08 pm
@Arella Mae,
We here know you have had some tough times. I'm so glad you had this friend for so long. Maybe she's not giving up, perhaps she just knows that she can.

xx to you, one horse woman to another.
0 Replies
 
Arella Mae
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Sep, 2010 05:51 pm
You all are so kind. I am waiting to talk to Bobby to see if they heard anymore about the tests. I will let you know when I do. Bless all of you and thank you so much.
0 Replies
 
Arella Mae
 
  2  
Reply Wed 22 Sep, 2010 07:24 pm
I just got off the phone with Bobby. The doctor said that some of the medicines Joy has to take for her Lupus is bad for her kidneys and that is part of the problem. They did a colonoscopy and an endoscopy because she is losing blood somewhere. But those two tests only go so far so they are going to do something else. Bobby said there is a pill (this is wild) that has a camera in it and it will take about 36 hours for it to pass through her body and it will be taking pictures. I have never heard of this but I'm going to see what I can find out.

She did try to eat something tonight but she wasn't able to keep it in very long. Her fever is down so the antibiotics seem to be working and Bobby said she is frustrated but in pretty good spirits.

He said they are doing all they can to find out how she is losing blood. She has been so weak and so tired for weeks now and the iron infusions were supposed to help but she got sick immediately after them. I didn't ask about where they stand with those. I'll have to ask him tomorrow.

If they can figure out how she is losing blood and get the infection under control she's going to be okay.

I had to laugh though. Joy calls me Rambo and I call her Bond, Jane Bond. I won't go into why but it's a joke between us. I told Bobby to tell her she's really doing the Bond thing now with that camera in the pill thing. I know that will make her laugh.

I love her so much. I am so glad she has Bobby. He is such a wonderful man and he would do anything in the world to make Joy happy. I am so blessed to know them both.

I'll keep you all updated and please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Sep, 2010 07:36 pm
@Arella Mae,
Ok, Arella.
0 Replies
 
Arella Mae
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Sep, 2010 07:40 pm
This camera in a pill is pretty amazing. Here is a link to an article and a short video showing how it works:

http://www.popsci.com/node/19963
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Sep, 2010 06:25 am
@Arella Mae,
Don't let the A2K conspiracy theorists see that -- it'll give 'em validation.

How ya doin' today?
Arella Mae
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Sep, 2010 07:23 am
@jespah,
I'm okay. Still worried about Joy but I do feel better about things today than I did yesterday. When I heard she was in the hospital and that email came to mind it really scared me. I'm not ready to let her go yet but I know I have to get ready. If this camera pill thingy works maybe they will find out why she has been losing blood and is so weak and all. So, I'm praying and I'm faithing.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Sep, 2010 08:44 am
@Arella Mae,
Thinking about you and Joy and Bobby.
Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Sep, 2010 09:54 am
@Arella Mae,
Sounds like it is time for you to go visit her once she's out of the hospital. Maybe you can have Thanksgiving together....
Arella Mae
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Sep, 2010 10:03 am
@ehBeth,
Thank you ehBeth!
0 Replies
 
 

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