Yes My husband had cheated on me, so what?

Forums: Relationships, Marriage, Affairs, Cheating
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When I decided to open this discussion, I know many women looking for perfect husbands would come to attack me.

As English is not my native language I would try my best to make my sharing clear.

My husband me have been married for 6 years. We had a hard time in our first 4 years of marriage.

Before married, we were both young, naughty and playful. I also chatted and talked **** online but after I got married, I stopped immediately but my husband didn't stop that quickly. It took him 4 years to stop.
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So what happened?
When I discovered my husband "trying to cheat" on adultfriendsfinder/asianfriendsfinder, websites that help promoting your "married but available profile", I was pissed and amused at the same time after I read how he discribed himself in his profile.

I installed "spyware" in the computer (we used same computer at home) to catch his "naughty chat logs" every now and then in the first 4 years of my marriage.

It's possible that he found chatting online helped him release his nasty needs or for any dumb reasons, that allowed him to bull **** his "glory profile" to attract dumb female attention and fool around with them.

Honestly speaking, it's really not a bit deal for me to give him some privacy when he needed some stupid chatting with women online.
Only when he tried to go cross that "line", I would show up to warn him, "Hey you dumb idiot... you're going over the limit and hell yes! You wanted a date? Why don't you date my ass? Sorry la, but we are married."

For 4 years, my husband was kinda playing "seek & hide" game. I had caught him more than 10 times. I have tried to figure out a way to get rid of his unfaithful hobbit once for all for 4 years. My husband isn't perfect and he cheated. So what? If I still love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, I must go on fighting till the end.
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So now comes my point:
My husband ain't perfect and yes, he was guilty in dumbshit misbehaviors, so what?

Does that mean I'm a perfect wife and he's the only one to blame?

I had terrible temper and very impatient. That can be a reason to explain whenever he had something let go from his chest, he wouldn't reach out to me because I might criticise him but those dumb women who were merely looking for a **** wouldn't criticise him.

I'm very impatient. I think no man can stand me as a wife but only my unlucky husband can tolerate me.

I used to swear F words to him when I got pissed. He never swears F word to me once.
He complained to his so-called "women friends" in the chat that I trearted him like **** and kicked him out from the bed. OMG, he'd been back stabbing me!? Yes, but he's also damn right!

He always let me win our arguments even when I was obviously unreasonable and paranoid. He's a polite person and able to tolerate me.

Did I really win?

I didn't win a ****! This ain't what I wanted. How come my husband could chat to a stranger ******* woman for long hours than chat to me? What the heck! Are they that sexy, young and pretty? No, some are damn ugly, older than me.

What I have done to save my marriage?
I improve my bad temper from a very agressive wife to a less aggressive wife for my husband. Slowly, he lost his interests in talking **** with stupid women online. I started to learn cooking and bellydance. (I want to have a nice body and I can be sexy too!)

I make sure my husband come home from work, there's a sweet loving home, tasty warm meal waiting for him and his wife, me is downright lovely on earth.

I want to be his lovely wife. I wanted to do whatever to make him happy although it required me to become a more beautiful person.

Why the **** not? I'm slightly more paitent in listening now so he would talk to me whatever **** happens in his day. I'm more supportive to his work and dreams. I minimize my complaints or just don't complain.

Why can't I keep my mouth shut when I already knew I'm not going to win a **** by opening it? I have learnt how to complain lovely and effectively.

I'm a dumb lucky woman that deeply loved by my husband because I'm more beautiful and adorable. What is the problem that I enjoy being more beautiful in front of my husband? I changed myself but I win a good husband. My husband everyday would rush home to hug me and kiss me and he doesn't give a damn to online women anymore.

My husband has stopped his online flirting addiction for 2 years by changing his attention to x-box football games, which is still dumb but no harms.

What about those affairs in the past?
Like Metallica said, "We don't give a ****!"They had gone and both my husband an me don't give a damn about them.

We have overcome temptation and it made my family/marriage even stronger. How long my marriage is going to last? Till the death do us apart.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 21 • Views: 12,575 • Replies: 26

[+3] - CalamityJane - 05/28/2011[quote="thans"] i just found out my husband cheated on me twice 6years ago and has a 2kids already i am diverstated[/quote] Maria, is that you?

What is my intention for this discussion?
I have just one wish that there would be less broken marriages and hearts. Maybe i'm a dumb chinese woman who believes in dumb love but I survive and those home wreckers had lost and gone to wreck other families.
Do you believe that love can overcome?

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I growed up in Taiwan where many women would close an eye to their husbands' affairs.

At least in my generation and my mother's generation. My mom has told me, "Men always want to be men, it's not a big deal for them to have some fun as long as they know where the limit is, and they are still good husbands and fathers."

I graduated from a Christ College that gave me a chance to study Bible and I have become a christian ever since.

I believe "Love Can Overcome." and "There's Nothing You Can't Forgive in Your Family."

In the past, I'd been struggled and heart broken. I'd cried in endless lonely nights. I cried in pain and prayed to God to bless me with a faithful husband and I prayed to God to protect my marriage. Sometimes, I had to pray very hard to fall into sleep.

It'd been a long time of waiting for a miracle. I was tired and sick. Nothing but hate had englufed me. I was about to get even on my husband - I also go and have affair. I anyhow chose a man on the internet to get even. I was almost going cross that line of cheating.

A voice said to me, "Just wait for a while." So I listened to that voice and postponeed my cheating plan to put into action.

Then my marriage situation got worse and worse, my husband and me were almost hitting the road of a broken marriage when I discovered my husband in love with a woman from the internet. He wrote her love letters and talked **** behind my back. He told her I treated him like **** and he was ready to pack and go for her.

I confronted him with my heart broken and as usual, not surprisingly, he apologised to me... I really didn't know how to trust him....So, I decided to run away from home... That day, my husband came back from work and he couldn't find me. He went on the street to search me. He found me, begging me to go home.

I told my husband I don't have hope in our marriage and better we get a divorce because this time, he fell in love. It's not just a stupid affair for fun. It had gone cross my limit and I really wanted to give up and go **** someone else. I was full of range.

When I finally calm down, a voice told me - be humble and always have hope in your husband.

I decided to listen to that voice again and forgive my husband again.
But this time, I wanted to make a difference.

I want a happier life for myself. Hense, I started to take many courses and enrolled myself in a gym. I got myself busy.

I learnt bellydance.
I lost weights in the gym.
I went shopping everyday.
I became more beautiful.
I don't nag and I don't cry.
I watch my attitude when I need to talk to my husband.
I still do my duties as a mother and as a wife.
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I didn't trust him completedly and always had a double on him, after 2 years, I didn't find anything wrong - he always rushes home after work and he spent all his holidays with me and family. He has corrected his mistakes and he's been a best husband I can ever wish for.

1 Reply

i just found out my husband cheated on me twice 6years ago and has a 2kids already i am diverstated i believe God will see me through this,as for my husband i dont know if he will ever change his behaviour we have been a happy christian family with all the love and trust until 2 women contacted me and told me they had babies with my husband i was shocked i asked him and he doesnt deny the one but the other he does i never suspected and for the past 7years they were no sighns watsoever of a cheating husband so i dont know if he will ever change

1 Reply

@dumbwife,

I am sorry about your experienced to your husband. I was just wondering if your husband is Italian? my husband is Italian. I am newly residing here in the usa. Wish to be friend of you if you don't mind. Are you in the us?

1 Reply

@Nahla,

The person you are attempting to speak to has not posted here since September, 2010--more than eight months ago.

1 Reply

@Setanta,

Ah okay. Thank you for letting me know. Bouna giornata!!

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@thans,

thans wrote:

i just found out my husband cheated on me twice 6years ago and has a 2kids already i am diverstated

Maria, is that you?

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I'm a journalist working on a story for a major women's magazine about women who have stayed with husbands who have repeatedly strayed. I'm interested in compassionately explaining why women make this decision -- whether it's because they decide the affairs don't mean anything, it isn't worth it to leave or something else entirely.

I'm willing to keep you anonymous. Please email me at [email protected] if you're interested in sharing your story.

Very best,
Tracy Clark-Flory

2 Replies

@tracyclarkflory,

I think, Hilary Clinton would be a good interview partner for you, Tracy!

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@tracyclarkflory,

Yes, some of us still stay,,,,
My husband broke my heart to so many pieces I would never consider opening it up to another,So I stay,,,We have been married 25 yrs. I despise him for what he has done,But I love him,I made vows before God,I stay,,
Only recently does it seem that he is changeing his ways,But unfortunately,my heart is shut.I,m just here now.My whole vision of him has changed,He turned into a whoremunger after 19 yrs. He never ever behaved the way he had started to,until we relocated,And this was like a rampage he went on,I called it his midlife crisis,I see how the lies have affected him,So I am his constant reminder of his dirty betrayal,I see he dislikes himself now,That is enough for me.And I pray alot

1 Reply

@sickocrap,

Considering that you only live once, it's quite a miserable life you're leading.
Be careful that you won't wake up one day and regret having wasted your life in a loveless union. If praying satisfy you resp. compensates for it, good luck to you!

2 Replies

@CalamityJane,

no not really,At my age I have my memories and happiness,And I have five beautiful grandchildren,I will be in heaven With my God,I have not sinned against my vows I made before him,
I have lots of fun doing other things,And I also watch his shame from what he has done

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@CalamityJane,

And I also stated that I love my husband and will love him forever,As I vowed,
And I know that he loves me,But he screwed up.

1 Reply

@sickocrap,

sickocrap wrote:

... I also watch his shame from what he has done ....
And I also stated that I love my husband and will love him forever,As I vowed,
And I know that he loves me,But he screwed up.

Awesome. So you get to passive-aggressively enjoy his shame while claiming to love him. Might wanna Google the term schadenfreude.

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So . . a marriage hit the rocks and they put it back together. So what?

They are either miserable together or are truely happy. We really don't know.

The OP says English is not her first language. When she says she "watches his shame" I think she means she knows he regrets his actions.

Too bad we can't hear from him.

(Anything is better than being ignored, I suppose)

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

Punkey,
You are right,We do love each other,very much so,He is ashamed of his actions and what he has done to our marriage.But what we feel for each other and have is far deeper than him,Giving so low life a roll in the sack,They both broke the sacntity of our marriage,He has his remorse,and as Long as I can see that I am content.He will never forgive himself for what he has done.And he knows that the church also doesn't condone his actions.
Per our catholic church,there will be no divorce.But we are living and loving each other despite his actions,Throwing the towel in after a lifetime together is a waste,I know the real him,she does'nt and never will.Why do people think it so hard to find a couple repair their marriage after someone cheats?This is what true love is,Nothing is easy,,,

2 Replies

@sickocrap,

Everyone has different standards of their marriage, sickocrap. Actually choosing a name like you did "sickocrap" tells a lot about yourself. Nonetheless, only you can decide for yourself what's right or wrong for you,
others have a different take on it.
If your husband of 25 years has a one-time slip, I am sure you can work it out, however your initial post indicated quite a different scenario. Regardless, I wish you well.

1 Reply

@CalamityJane,

Yes I did, And I also stated that he seemed to have gone on a rampage,And thats just what I meant,I never stated that He had one affair,I stated that he went on what appeared to be a rampage,Like something inside snapped,This person that behaved that way,I had no idea who the H-LL he was,
It was like I was living with a complete stranger,
I stayed because I valued our marriage,And I love him.I had no solid proof of how many,But I knew that it had happened.I only know that when I found the things I did it ripped my heart to pieces,This was not the man That I knew and loved,I figured something was wrong with him,inside,,Whether mentally or emotionally,But i stood by him,
Now,,I am glad I did,Because all those wonderful yrs. together were not worth throwing away,For that time frame he,acted like an A--.
He begged my forgiveness,And I accepted his apoligies to me,But it still hurts like He--, So I saw the post and replied,yessome people do stay,so immediatly leave,I chose to stay,And whatever was going on with him,Is not there now,I have the man back that I loved,He is no longer acting as though he is from another planet,I chose to believe he went through some midlife crisis,,And after we talked,and he told me the things he was feeling at that time,I understood.one year of hell isn't enough for me to throw away 25 yrs.
I had faith in us.However if it happens again,,He won't have anything to have an affair with.My name sickocrap is because I had been on other sights where the women had every excuse in the book,to think what they were doing was alright.It's never alright to be with another persons spouse.
Never !!

1 Reply

@sickocrap,

That's right, it's never right to be with someone else's spouse, but unfortunately it does happen - quite often actually. You, and you alone can
make the decision what to do with your life and you have chosen to stick it out
with him. For your sake, I hope he has learned to appreciate you!

1 Reply

Yes My husband had cheated on me, so what?

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