Can you ever really know another person?

no, at best, you could only know a person as well as they know themselves*

Can you ever really know another person?

no, at best, you could only know a person as well as they know themselves*, and even that's a long shot

*and nobody, no matter how hard they try can ever truly know themselves, even if you could imagine how you would react to or think about, every given situation and it's myriad of variables that might happen to you, until it happens, it's all just supposition

When seeking advice from my friend concerning a failing relationship, he told me that no matter how close you think you are to someone, you can never truly "know" another human being.
...

So, what do you think? Can you truly "know" another person? And if not, how does that make you feel? Is your response a sad and lonely feeling as mine is? Does it bother you to know that no one can ever know you? Or understand you? To know that you can never know another human being?

I doubt you can. You could know your husband for years, and know him pretty well. They people he works with have known him just as long, and they know him pretty well, too. You and the people he works with would probably both be very surprised if you got together and talked about him. And there's dozens of other relationships he or you could be in, each with their own way of knowing him.

Did you know, for instance, that he kicks your cat when you're not looking. Your cat thinks he knows him too.

ps Sometimes cats lie.

Dosed wrote:

When seeking advice from my friend concerning a failing relationship, he told me that no matter how close you think you are to someone, you can never truly "know" another human being.
...

So, what do you think? Can you truly "know" another person? And if not, how does that make you feel? Is your response a sad and lonely feeling as mine is? Does it bother you to know that no one can ever know you? Or understand you? To know that you can never know another human being?

Nah, I don't think you can ever really know someone else, or yourself for that matter.

You can know your every day things, what you believe to be your morals or ethics or whatever, but when a situation arises, or something happens that you have not experienced before - until it actually happens, you don't know how you are going to react, you may think you know how to react to any eventuality - but I don't believe you really do know for sure.

You may react a certain way for the most part e.g. going to work, habits, mannerisms, relationships with folk - but then one day, something happens and everything can change in a split second - you don't know how to react or how to deal with it - so what you thought you knew, you no longer do.

Same goes with other people - the closest person in my world in my best friend who lives a long way away - we are unthinkably close at times and strangely know when something is wrong / good... weirdly so - and then I have another person whom I share similar feelings to...

I think those two people are whom I trust most in the world, the only people I trust implicitly not to let me down on purpose or for their gain....

but that's the crux of it, "knowing" someone (to me) is having that trust in someone that I can be myself, warts and all - so I believe I know them (albeit both from a great distance) in that they will not to try to hurt me in any way - so they have my trust. That doesn't mean that they couldn't hurt me but I believe they "know me" as much as they can, so they wouldn't do it intentionally. I believe I know my best friend more than anyone else does in the world - I'm very blessed to have her in my life.

There are a lot of people I thought I knew, including close family, when really, I didn't know them, or they reacted in a completely different way when the chips were down...

I don't think it's a sad a lonely feeling tho, as you do Dosed - yep, it can make you feel terrible when someone who you thought you knew, is not that person - but you cannot control other peoples thoughts and feelings and actions, so I don't believe there is any way to truly wholly "know" someone else.

Then again, sometimes you can think you know yourself, and yet, you act completely out of character and can end up questioning your whole being. Then, you're up the proverbial creek without a paddle. Eventually, it settles down and you get on with life and hopefully learn from the experience - or not, and repeat the same mistakes over. It can, at times like that, feel lonely and sad, but I think that's more to do with how you feel about yourself and knowing yourself, than anything to do with knowing another human being.

Maybe not try to "know" everything about someone else - because you surely never will - accept them for who you see them to be and what they are to you - their knowledge of themself is theirs - how they are with you and react to you - that's all that's important.

If you think you know someone - you expect/predict them to act / be a certain way - sometimes, unfortunately, but not surprisingly - your expectations will not be met. Expect only the best from yourself and just accept others as they are and what they wish to share with you. Enjoy life as much as possible with the only expectation that no-body is perfect.

There are many people in the world with whom to have friendship and feel love towards - accept them into your life and try to never take them for granted - you'll count your true friends probably on one hand or if you are very fortunate, on two hands. Be your best with them and if they see your worst too, and are still there for you, then you've made a good judgement on knowing that they are good in your life.

Real life versus not in real life - well, I have people who know me pretty well and whom I feel I know pretty well, love them too, yet I haven't met, but I believe in my judgement of them until I'm shown otherwise. Occasionally I find out I am oh so wrong - but that's life.

Know your inner self more than trying to know the inner self of others.

Oh, I don't know - I thought it was quite a good question actually.

Most people (I believe) go through life thinking they "know" other people - then something occurs that you didn't think was possible and all of a sudden you question yourself and your judgements, which can throw you into a spin.

"how on earth did I get that so wrong, I thought I knew him/her"

it is something you question, it's a reality, more for some people than others, depending on how much you place your trust in folk I suppose / or your naivety - whichever...

it really isn't at all vague when that question is in your head!

then you realise you had put an expectation on that person, not necessarily an expectation of perfection, it could be any simple reasonable expectation ... if they react in a way that is hurtful or just disagreeable to what you had predicted/expected, or you plain don't understand the actions/reactions - then the question of "can you ever really know another person?" flashes up in front of you.

As life goes on, I would say "no" - I don't think you can ever really know another person - you can know things about them, but you won't ever really be able to predict how someone is going to act, or how they feel or what they will do. With friends and those you love, you trust that their friendship and love will not be misplaced.

but observation isn't enough to "know someone", that's just identification, you can never know the true essence of a person, even if they could explain their thoughts or how they might react to anything that might happen to them, it would only be speculation until it happens

for instance, your instincts say, i would do anything to protect to my children, and you tell you tell someone this, so they say, i know how this person thinks or would react to this situation, then a situation arises and you find what you believed about yourself to be untrue, you no longer know yourself, and neither does the other person

if by some chance you could figure out every minute detail about yourself, and guarantee those findings were true, then, and only then could someone else know you if you shared those truths

going back to the observation idea, think about a magic show or someone like ted bundy, simple observation of the facts displayed is not enough

What I was saying is that it is too vague a question to expect to have any kind of definite or satisfying reply which most people can agree on.

What kind of thing is "the essence of a person" which you say cannot be known? I need to know what that would be to think about whether what you say is right. Let alone "the true essence" of a person. But let's start with just "essence", and then we can work up from there.

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What I was saying is that it is too vague a question to expect to have any kind of definite or satisfying reply which most people can agree on.

Yes, you're probably right about that, kennethamy. A definitive position (which all or most can agree on) may not be possible. However the process of discussion might assist an individual to clarify their own response to the question. And to some people it might well be a valid question.

But can you know them? I don't think 'know' means 'predict'.

Know means to have knowledge of - you might know someone enough to know that they're unpredictable. Just because you can't predict what they'll do doesn't mean that you don't know them.
By saying that you know someone enough to predict what they'll do (if it's an unpredictable person) you could be proving that you don't 'know' them at all.