Hey, Can A Woman "Ask To Get Raped"?

Op-ed: Pam Anderson Inspired Me to Come Out About Being Sexually Assaulted
Pam Anderson revealed that she found it difficult to trust other humans after enduring years of sexual abuse. That's the case for many.
BY Derrick Clifton.
May 23 2014

My name is Derrick. And I’m a sexual violence survivor.

It’s taken me more than 10 years since first being sexually assaulted to speak or write those words without shame. Not for a lack of trying, though. Whenever my upper lip quivered and I was a breath away from tearfully sharing my pain with someone else, I chose to remain silent. I didn’t want to burden anyone with my painful reality. More often than not, others shushed me instead, starting with that first guy. Silence isn’t as golden as it may seem.

So while I read Pamela Anderson’s speech from her natural welfare foundation launch last Saturday, where she shared her multiple brushes with sexual violence, all I could do was cry. Anderson said she’d gotten to a point in her journey where she felt it might be time to reveal some of her most painful memories: being molested by a babysitter, raped by a friend’s brother as a child, and gang-raped by a boyfriend and his friends in ninth grade. But events during her quest to survive fostered a personal connection with animals.

“Needless to say, I had a hard time trusting humans. I just wanted off this earth,” she said during the launch event at the Cannes Film Festival. “I vowed to protect [the animal kingdom] and only them. I prayed to the whales with my feet in the ocean. My only real friends, till I had children.”

For me, my pen and pad, laptop and a quiet place in my home — my writing process, if you will — have all been my therapy during these years of silence. No one can violate me while I’m alone, writing, working, and creating a space for my own liberation (and perhaps also helping others along their own journey). And in that spirit, I’m sharing my story too.

What should’ve been a typical restroom break from an algebra class ended up being my first experience with an attempted rape, as a teenager. A male classmate and acquaintance of mine encountered me as I wiggled out the last few drops of urine at an unlocked stall, just a flip and a zip away from finishing the job and washing my hands. That’s until I was interrupted by an abrupt clasp on my wrist and a swift, weighty push into the bathroom’s caulked yellow brick walls. He whispered, “I want you, and if you don’t let me have it, I will take it, and you better not say a word.”

He was similar in stature to my adolescent self: 6 foot 1', about 190 pounds, broad shoulders, big hands, and flat, mammoth-like feet. In knowing him, I never once thought he would attack me. But then he exposed from his navy blue trousers what lingers in my mind as hard, thick, roughly eight-inch knife, pointed in my direction like a weapon.

“This is really happening,” I told myself. So I did as older male relatives taught me to do whenever someone put their hands on me: I fought back. I got away. And, with a sense of urgency, I composed myself and headed back into the classroom as if it never happened.

He became one in a number of men who would violate me, verbally and physically. Like the guys who followed me home for three blocks in broad daylight, unable to suppress or filter their thoughts about wanting to “plow my big, tasty ass so hard.” Or the creep in a crowded Boystown bar who grabbed and fingered my butt from behind and apologized while displaying the picture he snapped of it on his iPhone. “I’m sorry, it just looked so good,” he said, as I expressed stern disapproval. There’s the church leader who couldn’t take no for an answer and forced himself on me. And even the job interviewer who wouldn’t hire me because I turned down his advances.

The list goes on and on.

I often asked myself, in a blaming way, “Why am I such an appealing target for men who can’t respect my body and my boundaries?” But it meant everything to recently hear friends tell me what my soul longed to hear: “What happened to you was not your fault.” I now realize it was never about me. It’s about a cultural inability to discuss and express our sexuality in ways that affirm pleasure rather than painful coercion — including attempts at silencing conversations about sexual assault.

I was told to keep quiet by that classmate of mine, and I obeyed. Not because he said so, but because I feared being judged or blamed for what I’d gone through. I’ve tried, slowly but surely, over the past year to break through that fear of speaking up; to shun respectability politics that muzzle discussions about healthy sexuality and to affirm my individual agency. Until recently, I held back, rationalizing it away or putting it off with “now isn’t the right time.”

Pam did the same with her mother for years, she said, keeping it to herself to avoid any upset.

I thought my silence would keep me safe. But, in the words of Audre Lorde, “When we speak, we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak.”

I realize it’s not always possible for survivors like me to speak. Maybe we’re just not emotionally ready. Maybe we’re afraid of retaliation from those who abused us, if they find out we spoke out. Maybe we don’t want to read comments online that say “they wanted it,” as was the case with most media coverage of Anderson's disclosure last weekend.

But I’m finally able to raise my voice anyway, and put my feelings into words, rebounding after a professor discouraged me from doing so in a writing class some months back. He didn’t hurt me with his hands, as other men did, but with his words that minimized my experiences, comparing what I’d endured to a child afraid to confront schoolyard bullies.

When I think of men like him and others, who shut out survivors from speaking our truths, I’m tempted to crank up Beyoncé’s empowerment anthem, “Flawless.” Because I can be a whole, healthy sexual being, and no person’s violation of that energy will ever take it away from me — not anymore. By writing and speaking out, even after all these years, I’m near what I feel is the end of a personal journey to reclaim full ownership of my sexuality, releasing those voices and actions curbing it for so long.

That’s what Pam Anderson taught me, as well as other survivors who have embraced me this past week. And for anyone who dares to silence us? I’m gonna to need for them to bow down.

DERRICK CLIFTON is a Chicago-based journalist and writer primarily covering race, gender, and LGBT issues and their intersections with politics. Follow him on Twitter or Facebook, or visit DerrickClifton.com for more information on his work.

http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2014/05/23/op-ed-pam-anderson-inspired-me-come-out-about-being-sexually-assaulted

And people like yourself, who allows paedophiles access to his own children.

It's totally a shame idea to blame a woman for being raped. No woman in this world want to be raped. So, these types of ads should be banned forever. Moreover, who produced such stuff should be behind the bar.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2011/03/28/more-women-have-rape-fantasies-than-previously-thought/


More Women Have Rape Fantasies Than Previously Thought
March 28, 2011 by CH
Science is validating unflinching, real world observation with progressively closer glimpses of the id beast lurking underneath our polite and self-deceptive exteriors. Today, science strips away the ego and superego from women’s brains and peers into the sticky, cobwebbed limbic interior to see what really turns them on.

The nature of women’s rape fantasies: an analysis of prevalence, frequency, and contents.

This study evaluated the rape fantasies of female undergraduates (N = 355) using a fantasy checklist that reflected the legal definition of rape and a sexual fantasy log that included systematic prompts and self-ratings. Results indicated that 62% of women have had a rape fantasy, which is somewhat higher than previous estimates. For women who have had rape fantasies, the median frequency of these fantasies was about 4 times per year, with 14% of participants reporting that they had rape fantasies at least once a week. In contrast to previous research, which suggested that rape fantasies were either entirely aversive or entirely erotic, rape fantasies were found to exist on an erotic-aversive continuum, with 9% completely aversive, 45% completely erotic, and 46% both erotic and aversive.

62%. That’s a majority, folks. A majority of women fantasize on average four times per year about being forcefully and nonconsensually penetrated. Nearly two out of ten women fantasize about rape at least once a week. If that doesn’t convince you of the animal nature of women’s sexuality and their deepest desire to submit to a more powerful lover, nothing will. Oh, except watching forlornly as jerks and assholes walk off with the girl of your dreams.

For those wondering what the difference is between “aversive” and “erotic” rape, here is a description culled from a number of studies examining female sexuality (with the important point bolded):

According to Kanin, erotic rape fantasies contain low to moderate levels of fear with no realistic violence. In these fantasies, women typically are approached aggressively by a dominant and attractive male who is overcome with desire for her; she feels or expresses nonconsent and presents minimal resistance; he overpowers her and takes her sexually. Kanin made the interpretation that these were not true rape fantasies, that the described resistance amounted to a “token no,” and he called these “seduction fantasies.” Participants themselves characterized these as rape situations, however, and the self-character in these fantasies showed nonconsent. As no evidence was presented that the self-character’s nonconsent was insincere, the label of “seduction” does not seem justified. [Ed: Feminists wept.] Certainly, in actual rapes minimal resistance and female sexual arousal do sometimes occur (Duddle, 1991; Johnson, 1985), and their occurrence would not render the encounter a seduction rather than a rape.

Aversive rape fantasies come closer to representing realistic rape. In these fantasies, the male is more likely to be older, unattractive, and a stranger. These fantasies contain coercive and painful violence, and little or no sexual arousal. A typical scenario for an aversive fantasy would consist of an assailant “grabbing, throwing to the ground, ripping off clothing, while the victim is fighting to keep the aggressor from achieving penetration” (Kanin, 1982, p. 117). Kanin found that women with aversive rape fantasies were more apprehensive about actual rape and more likely to have dreams of rape than were other women. The more aversive rape fantasies may operate as attempts to deal with the fear of actual rape by gaining some sense of control over rape situations and rehearsing how one might deal with actual rape (Gold & Clegg, 1990; Gold, et al., 1991).

Feminists who lamely try to handwave away rape fantasies as just another form of BDSM consensual sex are wrong. As the studies show, there is no consensual seduction as widely understood in women’s rape fantasies. They are about rape, and nothing but the rape. The only difference is in how violently the rapist penetrates her in her fantasy and in how much of a fight she puts up to stop him. In neither case, though, could the rape fantasy be reasonably termed a consensual seduction.

Ironically, aversive rape fantasies are the ones feminists would be more inclined to believe as true reflections of the female id, because those are the types of rape fantasies that women have to deal with the fear of rape. Too bad for the feminists, though, that, according to the first study linked above, aversive rape fantasies account for only 9% of all rape fantasies, with the great majority being either solely erotic in nature or a mix of erotic and aversive. Seems the ladies really do get off on the feeling of being raped by a strong and willful man.

Nothing in these studies should be a surprise to readers of this blog. It has been noted here, to much consternation and gnashing of the teeth by haters, that women secretly desire to submit to a powerful man — more powerful than they, at any rate — and that this desire sometimes includes a nonconsensual component. Women love the feeling of being overtaken by a man unbendable in his will and unstoppable in his lust.

Some of you might be wondering how valid is a study that only looked at female undergraduates. To that criticism, I say: Would it make a difference? The most sexually valuable women are in the age range of 15-25. Any older than 25 and she is past her prime, already beginning the descent to sexual irrelevancy. (Exception: A fat 21 year old who loses weight and regains a sexy figure at age 30 will look better than her 21 year old self. But this effect only lasts so long.)

When men want to know what arouses women so that they can tailor their game for maximum effectiveness, they observe the behavior patterns of slender women in their primes. Men do not wonder, nor do they care, what cougars, fatties, frumpy hausfraus or grandmothers fantasize about. So for all of you has-beens emphatically denying that you ever have rape fantasies and shouting from the mountaintop that you wouldn’t date jerks…

…who gives a flying ****?

Share this:

Repel them? Such literature normally involves a handsome rogue type character, not some sad nerd with overdeveloped wrist muscles from shaking the bishops hand.

David Martin posted
No woman in this world want to be raped

The most sexually valuable women are in the age range of 15-25. Any older than 25 and she is past her prime, already beginning the descent to sexual irrelevancy. (Exception: A fat 21 year old who loses weight and regains a sexy figure at age 30 will look better than her 21 year old self. But this effect only lasts so long.)

When men want to know what arouses women so that they can tailor their game for maximum effectiveness, they observe the behavior patterns of slender women in their primes. Men do not wonder, nor do they care, what cougars, fatties, frumpy hausfraus or grandmothers fantasize about.

A 90 year old woman was raped in her home by an intruder about 3 weeks ago

The extent of sexual violence against older women may be far greater than press reports suggest. Earlier this year a report appeared in an American social work journal on sexual abuse of the elderly in Britain. Its author, Malcolm Holt, a Northumberland social worker, wrote to all the medical and social work journals in this country for cases of sexual abuse of the elderly by carers. By the time he wrote the report a year ago, he had 90 cases of sexual abuse by family members. The numbers have now grown to the hundreds. The most frequently reported abusers, 55 per cent, were sons. 'Frail, dependent elderly people, who suffer mental impairment, are very attractive as potential abuse victims' Holt wrote. Who will believe what they say? he asks.

When Holt began his research, there was scepticism about the need for such a study. One GP questioned what harm could be done to a victim who had been raped by her son, since she was old and confused. It was colleagues who remembered the early days of uncovering the extent of child sexual abuse who encouraged Holt to continue with his research.

Why does it happen? 'The issues are the same, whether it's abuse in the home or rape by a stranger,' Holt argues. 'It's about wielding power, leaving the victim totally shocked and humiliated and not willing to give evidence because they are confused and the evidence is unreliable. An American study says that sex offenders can move from children to old people. If their source of victim is denied, they find another.'

The real shame is not the kind that elderly women feel who have been raped, but our ignorance of the subject. A study of sexual assaults on elderly women would throw light on the nature of rape itself, perhaps finally removing any lingering doubt that rape is about power rather than sex. Child sexual abuse, sexual abuse of frail, elderly women, is there so much difference? At the beginning and at the end of life, the weakest, the least likely to be believed, are the rapist's most vulnerable victims.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/why-do-young-men-rape-elderly-women-and-why-does-nobody-care-a-special-report-by-linda-grant-on-a-shocking-crime-which-it-seems-we-all-prefer-to-ignore-1408839.html

Branded a flirt and locked in a psychiatric ward, horrific ordeal of rape victim, 89, who was accused of lying about attack by nursing home worker
By Sarah Michael
24 February 2014

An 89-year-old woman who was raped by a 30-year-old nursing home worker was accused of making up the attack and ‘flirting mercilessly’ with her perpetrator by the administrators of the home.

Directors at the Edgewood Vista nursing home in Hermantown, Minnesota have been accused of impeding a rape investigation by suggesting the sex was consensual, court documents show.

Andrew Scott Merzwski was sentenced last month to 53 months in jail for the sexual assault of the elderly woman.

According to court documents, the victim told a nurse she was getting ready for bed when Merzwski came into her room, The Star Tribune reported.

She invited him to sit down and watch a movie with her. Merzwski then walked around the side of her bed and began to take off his clothes.

The 89-year-old gestured towards a photograph of her husband saying ‘It’s not right, this wouldn’t be right’, according to testimony that was filed to the court.

A police report states that the assault then took place. After the attack the woman’s underwear and sheets were bloodstained so she washed them.

The next morning to woman told her daughter about her ordeal, and her daughter reported it to the police. That same say Merzwski admitted having sex with the woman.

But the victim’s ordeal only got worse when she was transferred to a hospital in Duluth where she was held for three days in a psychiatric ward while investigators assessed the truth of her claims.

'The room she was in was dark and cold … and they locked her in at night and all she had was a blanket,' nurse examiner Theresa Flesvig said.

It was not until later that she was medically examined for evidence of rape and staff found that she had been badly injured.

Ms Flesvig also said that Edgewood’s clinical services director Marilyn Moore asked Ms Flesvig: ‘Did she tell you that this was consensual? Did she tell you that she flirts with this boy mercilessly?’

Ms Flesvig said she was shocked that the blamed was being placed so blatantly on the victim.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2566452/Elderly-rape-victim-89-accused-flirt-making-story-attack-hands-nursing-home-employee-Andrew-Scott-Merzwski.html#ixzz32eyZDrN8

rape is about power and humiliation...that's very clear, particularly when men rape other men in prison

most cases of what we call sexual assault are about drunk young people getting mixed up when they probably both should have had better sense, or very young people doing their first sexual experimentations

this feminist effort to label all sexual consent violations male aggression is part of a wider anti-male agenda.