How to stop my friends without hurting her feelings?

Reply Mon 4 Aug, 2014 08:15 am
Hi, I'm a female and I'm 21 years old now. I have a dear friend, let's say her name is A. A is a sweet kind of girl and we've been friends since we're 9 or so. When we're in high school, she dated this boy named B, a friend in the same class of her.

I thought they're a good match until 3 months ago A called me while crying because she got dumped. I know B is a good person, so I asked him personally why he dumped my friend. B said that he feels that she had never love him from the start and weirdly, she constantly talks about me even on their dates. B also said that she's somewhat a freak and I should be wary of her.

The next day I visited her apartment with the spare key, only finding her gripping a knife near her chest. I freaked out and tried to comfort her but to my surprise she confessed her feelings to me. I couldn't speak a word that time finding that my friend is actually a les**an. She ra*ed me, but after that she apologized. I couldn't say anything but nodded that time, and it was maybe my biggest mistake.

After that ra*ing incident, she constantly confesses to me. A is now quite forceful,though I never said yes to her confessions. She used her broken heart as a shield and reason to kiss or violate me. She actually even used ropes and binding just to have what she wanted. I wanted her to stop, but I don't know how. I see her like a thin glass and I'm afraid I will hurt her, knowing she neither have parents alive, nor any relatives nearby. What should I do and say?
Reply Mon 4 Aug, 2014 08:17 am
1. if you've been raped, report it to the police

2. stay away from the person who has raped you

3. seek out counselling for yourself
Reply Mon 4 Aug, 2014 11:08 pm
Ditto what Ehbeth said, don't worry about A's feelings, concentrate on your own personal well-being.
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Reply Tue 5 Aug, 2014 07:18 am
Why are you so concerned about HER?

You have been used and violated.

It's really simple: just stay away from her.

She is blackmailing you to get what she wants. She is not a friend.

Stay away and seek counseling to help build your self esteem. You seem to be setting yourself up to be a "victim" in the future with both men and women.
Reply Tue 5 Aug, 2014 08:32 am
I'm concerned that her boyfriend warned you she was obsessing about you. Then you actually were assaulted. Her problems are bigger than you can handle. She could become a stalker and possibly ramp up her attacks were you could be seriously hurt, or killed. She sounds unbalanced, if you haven't confided in your parents (I forgot how old you are) do it now, and find out what the young man knows, tell him what happened to you. It's crucial to keep a log, and share some of this with trusted friends or relatives. 'A' needs professional help.
Reply Tue 5 Aug, 2014 08:40 am
I checked, you are 21, I think I would still tell your parents. They may be great allies and may have insight that could be very useful. Many people have experienced assaults, men, women, children, aunts, uncles, it isn't normally the topic of conversation people have unless they know you need their advice.
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Reply Thu 7 Aug, 2014 10:04 am
Mayra93 wrote:
I want her to stop, but I don't know how. I see her like a thin glass and I'm afraid I will hurt her, knowing she neither have parents alive, nor any relatives nearby. What should I do and say?

Unfortunately there isn't an easy answer. If you aren't in love with your friend, then your only option is to break her heart, and there is no pain-free way to do that.

You are in a no-win situation as far as not causing pain to your friend.

You might want to give some thought to self-preservation. Your concern over your friend harming herself is apparent, but also consider that she may seriously harm you before harming herself.
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Reply Thu 7 Aug, 2014 02:52 pm
First of all you need to understand that she is not your friend, but a rapist. Friends do NOT do that to each other, no matter how emotional they are. You need to stay away from her. Throw away your spare key and change your locks if she has one for your place. She is manipulating you. In my opinion, you should report the incident to the police. She has emotional problems that you cannot begin to help her with.
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