1 in 6
of all males said to be victims of sexual abuse
By SARAH DEETH , EXAMINER STAFF WRITER
Posted 8 days ago
Jim Austin counts himself as a "one." A "one in six."
As in, one in six men will be sexually abused.
Austin thinks that statistic is wrong. He thinks it's much higher than that.
Abused when he was in his early teens, he kept his secret for 38 years.
"There's this great shame and this great guilt," he said. "That isn't mine to wear anymore. That belongs on the person who hurt me."
Austin, 53, is openly speaking out about his victimization, a part of a healing process that's only recently begun.
In mid-October the Peterborough resident sat through a taping of the Oprah Winfrey Show, one of 200 guests in the audience during a two-part show on male sexual abuse.
The first part of the show aired Friday. The second segment airs next Friday.
All of Oprah's guests were men.
Coming out as a victim, Austin said, flies in the face of everything men are taught about masculinity and gender roles.
"It threatens everything they've been taught to be as men and as young men. It's not masculine to say you've been victimized."
Austin was 12 and had a job as a newspaper delivery boy.
His abuser lived in an apartment on the top floor of a building, the last stop on his route.
He was a predator. And like any predator, he set a trap.
Shortly after Austin picked up the route his abuser phoned the newspaper and complained that his newspaper was being stolen.
Would the newspaper boy be able to knock on his door and hand it to him in person?
The abuse lasted for about two years.
"I was groomed," Austin said. "When you're a kid, and you're impressionable, you think you're special."
Austin said he never told anyone what happened, even lying and dodging questions when he was directly asked if he was ever abused.
He married, had children and got a job.
He said he tried to block out what happened.
But every now and then, things would come back to him. The sight of something, a smell, would trigger a memory.
As part of his job, he'd listen to other men talk about their experiences of abuse.
He'd hear them talk, he said, and wondered why he couldn't.
"I started to hear this stuff and I'd die inside."
In March 2008 Austin attended a conference on male sexual abuse. He was there for his job.
"I went in there as a professional. I walked out as a survivor."
The conference brought back a lot of memories, he said.
"It's quite a revelation when this stuff hits the fan," he said.
"Things are done to us, as children, things that are dark and inhumane, and are done by adults who we're supposed to trust," he said.
"And it's ghastly, the aftermath. It's absolutely ghastly."
For six months after the conference, he was in limbo, he said, not sure what to do.
Eventually, he said, he had a huge meltdown and realized it was time to let everything out.
Austin began therapy, including group therapy.
Meeting other male survivors, he said, was a tremendous benefit.
He attended a retreat in Pennsylvania this year for male victims. Oprah's producers contacted the man running the retreat and asked if anyone wanted to do the show.
Austin had to think about the offer.
He realized that coming forward with his experience was something he'd been building up to for a long time, he said.
Society has gone a long way in embracing and supporting female victims of sexual assault, he said, and most of the focus on sexual abuse has centred on women.
There's little out there for male victims, he said.
"Men have a horrible stigma applied to them and it's terrible."
Austin said the biggest and worst misconception is what he describes as the "vampire syndrome."
It's the perception that someone who was sexually abused as a child will grow up and become a perpetrator.
"That's the worse thing that anybody can call someone who is a survivor," he said. "I can't tell you how much that hurts people."
There are also a lot of homophobic connotations associated with male abuse, he said.
Austin points out that his abuser was a heterosexual man.
In male stereotypes, in the typical concept of masculinity, the idea of victimization is completely foreign, he said.
"I didn't have any concept of what it felt like to feel like a man because of the victimization."
It's his hope that other men, or boys, listen to his story and decide to come forward, or at least begin looking for information so they can get help.
"You can't force a guy onto the road of recovery," Austin said. "But once he's on that road, he'll need support."
He hopes society starts having larger, frank discussions about male abuse.
"We want the world to know sexual victimization happens to boys and men."
Austin is now in the process of starting a survivor's group for male victims.
"It's desperately needed in this community."
Coming forward, he said, was the best thing that ever happened.
He has better relationships with his wife, children and friends.
He said he feels stronger and has never felt more masculine.
"I'm happy with the outcome," he said. "I feel like I actually belong on the planet, that I'm a valued person and worthy of existing, and not some worthless victim."
NOTE: Jim Austin is a moderator with the website
www.malesurvivor.org,a website based in the United States geared toward male abuse victims.
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