Hey, Can A Woman "Ask To Get Raped"?

What I don't understand is why the trolls feel these laws are even significantly limiting their ability, or the ability of men in general, to engage in sex. All the rape laws say is that consent is required--active, freely willing, participating consent. Is it so awful for them to have sex only with women who are sober and really want to be enjoying sex with them? Why is that "anti-sex"?

And the date rape laws really come into play mainly with people who are relative strangers to each other or who barely know each other. And those are the most likely situations where alcohol is involved. Why should a man feel entitled to coerce or force intercourse on a woman he doesn't really know, with whom he may not have an ongoing relationship, and who he may have no intention of ever seeing again? Just because he feels like using her that way? And in those situations, the date rapist often tries to break down her resistance by getting her drunk, by encouraging her to keep drinking. A man who is really interested in the woman, and wants to get to know her better, isn't going to do that. He's not going to try to manipulate her so her can overpower her, and he's not going to try to force things beyond where she wants to go. He's willing to wait and let things develop between them. But that's a normal man, one who has some consideration for the woman. For the date rapist, the need to assert his will over hers seems to be the main motivation for what he's doing. And, no how you look at it, that is an assault, it is rape.

In one study I read, something like 25% of the college men said they would rape someone if they thought they could get away with it. They weren't talking about grabbing a woman on the street, they were talking about being with someone they had met at a party or at a bar, and having sex with her even if she didn't want it. I found that admission a little shocking in terms of their attitude toward women. It shouldn't be just fear of getting arrested that determines how you treat another human being. Consent should be important for more than just legal reasons if you're really thinking of that woman as a person and not just as an object. And a fair number of college men admit that they have, in fact, raped someone, in terms of the legal definition, and they don't feel much guilt about it. It's not just rape that's the problem, it's the sexist attitudes toward women that go along with it that makes the act of rape acceptable in these men's minds.

Maybe it's because these men are bombarded with sexualized images of women being dominated in music videos, or shown as objects in the porn that anyone with a computer can now view at will, that they really have become desensitized to the fact that real life women are people with very real feelings. That certainly seems to be what happened with that horrible gang rape in Canada. Those kids didn't seem to realize they were viewing an actual rape. Even after the police told them, they were denying it. The emotional aspect of what was done to that girl just didn't sink in. Does anyone really think that if a 16 year old is willingly choosing to have group sex she'd do it with strangers in a field with people standing around taking photos? Gang rape looks normal to them? What world are these kids living in? And then they post the photos online for "entertainment" value? It's like there is no value system, no morality operating, it's just open season on women for sexual exploitation. And, if that's what goes on on college campuses, with all the associated drinking, I can well believe the figures that 1 in 4 or 1 in 5 college women will be a rape statistic.

So, I don't find a problem with the rape laws. The problem is that we even need to have those laws. If people were all enjoying truly consensual sex with freely willing, active, enthusiastic, participating partners we wouldn't need most of the laws. If a man even has to think about whether he really has consent, he doesn't have it. If he's got to force it, or get her drunk to do it, he doesn't have consent. If he doesn't bother to verbally communicate with her, or pay attention to her reactions, or her state of arousal, or her indications of resistance, he doesn't have consent. And it shouldn't be the laws that he's focused on--he should focus on consent because he genuinely wants her to be willing. When we really get to that point, the laws become unnecessary.

Pretty scary about that 25%. I agree about if a man doesn't wait for that consent (like if he's in a relationship) big, big flags should be popping up.

I think when people actually are in ongoing relationships, things like consent are a natural part of the relationship, if it's a good relationship. You learn what the other person likes, and doesn't like, and, if the other person matters to you, you try to please them, make them happy, whether it's in bed or anywhere else, and they do the same for you. Isn't that what a caring relationship is about? And people in a relationship should be communicating with each other, so there's no misunderstanding about mixed signals, at least in the bedroom.

If a woman is in a dating relationship with a man who is totally ignoring her feelings, and is mainly focused on only what he wants, whether it's about which restaurant they'll go to for dinner, or whether they'll have sex that night, I think she should run like hell. Someone who will abuse you in bed is likely to abuse you in all sorts of ways, by just not giving a damn about your feelings, period. Who needs that?

The amount of binge drinking, and heavy drinking, that seems to go along with all the casual sex among teens and college students is a whole separate problem all by itself. The females should sober up and think about why they have to drink so much to engage in the sex. They may be pushing themselves to try to overcome their inhibitions in the wrong way. If the sex isn't something that feels right to them sober, maybe they shouldn't be doing it so casually. There must be an awful lot of peer pressure to behave in ways that may not be all that comfortable for some of those women, so they use alcohol to numb some of the discomfort. The amount of drinking that's going on among college students is astounding.

While I think the two of them are just trolls looking to cause trouble, I am forced to agree with them on this one issue.

You said that to know if there is consent...


Now I agree with that statement.
However, if that is the standard, then it MUST be applied to both parties.
If she is so drunk or high that she cant make an informed decision and therefore cant be held responsible, then shouldnt a man accused of raping her be given the same treatment.

If you and I are out drinking, and we have sex, if you say you were to drunk to make the right decision, then shouldnt I be given that same consideration?
What I am saying is, why is it up to me to determine your mental state?
And why am I a criminal if you experience remorse once you sober up?

I dont agree with the trolls, on most of what they have said, but in this case I do.

Why should you be able to give consent when you and the man have been drinking, and then retract that when you sober up.
And if you can rettract that consent, can the man do the same thing and claim you raped him?