4
   

dating a girl Im Not really attracted to

 
 
mrhunt
 
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 12:51 am
So I met a girl online through a dating site,and its really difficult to meet women Where i live as everyones either taken,Visiting or Just totally bar fly Weirdo's it seems....And we all know My Recent issues involving The girl i was absolutely In love with and Ended up blowing up in my face For no apparent reason She just completely ignores me now when we accidentaly run into each other....

So i went to dinner with this Other girl,and on a second date...and were going furniture shopping and Hanging out on fourth of july to see fireworks......All Rather romantic Datey sorta stuff....Nothings happened Yet as far as sex or kissing even...

We get along okay enough....were both a bit on the quiet side So were not like constantly talking but Its comfortable with us.....but Im Honestly not attracted to her....Like on a 1 to 10 its like a 4 most honestly....

I feel like im seeing this girl just to get over the girl i was in love with...and i feel like if things continue on this path we'll become intimate,Develope a Much more serious relationship and I'll become scared as i dont want that with her And then just break Up with her....I Desprately want a relationship and a girlfriend no matter what(just not with her?)...but i dont want to hurt this girl....but i dont want to be alone and i just dont know what to do.
 
View best answer, chosen by mrhunt
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 03:06 am
@mrhunt,
On the one hand, you had expressed a wish to enter into a serous relationship with a woman and on the other hand, you are stating that you are far from being over your old girlfriend.

I question in your current mind set if any girl/woman could now be a ten or a eight in your eyes.

My only suggestion is that you relaxed somewhat and stop looking for a possible soul mate at the moment and just enjoy a casual dating relationship with this girl and others for now.

It can be the very pits to have that kind of a breakup and if had happen to many of us in a normal lifetime.

I once had a woman that I was deeply in love with and living with me for years who just packed up and abandon me for no known reason one day.

Yes ladies, I am sure there was reasons however she did not communicate them in a manner that a simple male could picked up on and it did come as a complete bolt out of the blue to me.

If color my future relationships for years as I compared my former lover with the other ladies in my life and found them all wanting in some manner or other.

Only time can take care of your wounds.


0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 05:09 am
@mrhunt,
Simply said ...just tell her about what's on your mind. Don't sell her (or yourself short) maybe she can help. This doesn't have to be that complicated. Maybe with your head and heart and her head and heart, you can progress into a meaningful relationship.

People see one another and call it dating. Perhaps at the moment what you need is a companion? So far, you seem to have that. If you don't feel the love, then keep it as strictly companions
0 Replies
 
engineer
 
  2  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 05:22 am
@mrhunt,
Her ranking on your scale of 1-10 depends on how you feel about her. If it is not working out, she will go down. If things start to click, you will find her score rising. Still, physical attraction is a part of any relationship and I can see your concern. So how did those "dates" go? Did you go home all warm and fuzzy or were you glad to say goodbye at the end of the evening? To me, that's more of an indicator of where you stand than how the scale is working out.
0 Replies
 
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 06:08 am
@mrhunt,
mrhunt wrote:

So I met a girl online through a dating site,and its really difficult to meet women Where i live as everyones either taken,Visiting or Just totally bar fly Weirdo's it seems....And we all know My Recent issues involving The girl i was absolutely In love with and Ended up blowing up in my face For no apparent reason She just completely ignores me now when we accidentaly run into each other....

So i went to dinner with this Other girl,and on a second date...and were going furniture shopping and Hanging out on fourth of july to see fireworks......All Rather romantic Datey sorta stuff....Nothings happened Yet as far as sex or kissing even...

We get along okay enough....were both a bit on the quiet side So were not like constantly talking but Its comfortable with us.....but Im Honestly not attracted to her....Like on a 1 to 10 its like a 4 most honestly....

I feel like im seeing this girl just to get over the girl i was in love with...and i feel like if things continue on this path we'll become intimate,Develope a Much more serious relationship and I'll become scared as i dont want that with her And then just break Up with her....I Desprately want a relationship and a girlfriend no matter what(just not with her?)...but i dont want to hurt this girl....but i dont want to be alone and i just dont know what to do.
I expect honesty from those I talk with as a matter of course, and perhaps she does too; so you should not say: Honestly... Just always be honest, because it is cant, and cant is bad form...

When you are single it seems everyone worth having is already taken, and they are not... And when you are taken it seems every one worth having is not, and they are taken, as much as before... But, people miserable in their relationships always send the message that they are looking... They have far away eyes... It is a sign...

And it is a problem because it is so difficult to find that special one that fits together with you like a jigsaw puzzle fits a piece... And that is what it should be, and it should not be difficult.... Every relationship has the potential of great happiness and terrible pain... If you will endure the terrible pain you must have, going in, a great and natural relationship... You should fall in love, head over heals out of an airplane without a parachute sort of falling in love... If you have to work at the beginning, before you get too far you will be doing the labors of Heracules... Reltionships should start in flight because sooner or later reality will bring them down to earth, and that soaring flying feeling can only be recaptured if it is once had...
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
  Selected Answer
 
  2  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 06:48 am
So every girl you date has to be a 10? And a potential girlfriend/lover?
What happened to just hanging out and being friends?
You can never have too many friends.
Just enjoy.
Don't be so desperate., besides, you may meet someone else while out on these social excursions.

PS She may feel the same about you. Just talk about it.


0 Replies
 
Gargamel
 
  2  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 08:43 am
To provide a contrast to the thoughtful, measured responses above, I say RUN. This could indeed develop into a meaningful relationship, a long, drawn-out lukewarm relationship that, with each day, will be harder to eject from when someone you're really excited about comes along. Bail.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 08:47 am
Only if you're over 30 . . .
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 09:15 am
@Gargamel,
Bail?

His judgment is lacking on who he might find interesting and attracted in the future as he is clearly not over his last love.

I see little reason to bail on a casual dating relationship that could even turn out to be his true love as once more his judgment is not at a 100 percent at the moment.
stevecook172001
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 09:25 am
@mrhunt,
mrhunt wrote:

So I met a girl online through a dating site,and its really difficult to meet women Where i live as everyones either taken,Visiting or Just totally bar fly Weirdo's it seems....And we all know My Recent issues involving The girl i was absolutely In love with and Ended up blowing up in my face For no apparent reason She just completely ignores me now when we accidentaly run into each other....

So i went to dinner with this Other girl,and on a second date...and were going furniture shopping and Hanging out on fourth of july to see fireworks......All Rather romantic Datey sorta stuff....Nothings happened Yet as far as sex or kissing even...

We get along okay enough....were both a bit on the quiet side So were not like constantly talking but Its comfortable with us.....but Im Honestly not attracted to her....Like on a 1 to 10 its like a 4 most honestly....

I feel like im seeing this girl just to get over the girl i was in love with...and i feel like if things continue on this path we'll become intimate,Develope a Much more serious relationship and I'll become scared as i dont want that with her And then just break Up with her....I Desprately want a relationship and a girlfriend no matter what(just not with her?)...but i dont want to hurt this girl....but i dont want to be alone and i just dont know what to do.

Stop fannying around and make your mind up
0 Replies
 
Gargamel
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 10:16 am
@BillRM,
BillRM wrote:

Bail?

His judgment is lacking on who he might find interesting and attracted in the future as he is clearly not over his last love.

I see little reason to bail on a casual dating relationship that could even turn out to be his true love as once more his judgment is not at a 100 percent at the moment.



"Lacking" isn't the word I would apply to his judgement. Yes, he may not know who he might find interesting, but he knows who doesn't do it for him. And in general his reasoning seems pretty sound, insofar that he's skeptical for the following reasons:

--still has a hangover from previous girl
--anxious to be in a relationship
--few women in town
--"not really attracted"

What there screams "go for it"?
0 Replies
 
firefly
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 12:21 pm
@mrhunt,
Why not just enjoy her company and continue hanging out with her. It's better than sitting home alone, isn't it?

Nothing wrong with having female friends. If you share some common interests, a real friendship might blossom. If not, you'll probably both tire of spending time together, and that will be the end of it.

Perhaps you shouldn't let it just drift into an intimate relationship, particularly if you aren't all that physically attracted to her. Hold off until some real chemistry develops, and don't do something simply because it's expected, or just to satisfy your needs in that department. If no chemistry does develop, but you still enjoy her company, you can just go on being friends. I'd talk with her about not wanting to rush into something. She may share your feelings, if not, and she does want more out of the relationship, she'll let you know, and you can make your graceful exit then.

Continuing to date is a good idea. Eventually you'll meet someone who really lights your fire. Until then, you might meet some interesting women, or make some good female friends, or simply have someone to share a meal with, or share an experience with. Nothing wrong with casual dating--you never know what doors might open. Use online dating services if it is hard to meet women, join a library book discussion group, get involved with some political organizations, or consider taking adult ed courses, or extension courses at a community college, because that's a good way to meet people, particularly women (or women with unmarried adult daughters who'd be happy to make introductions. Smile )
0 Replies
 
mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Jul, 2010 04:12 am
Well no,Not every girl i date has to be a 10 or a Future wife Necessarily.And Female friends are all well and Good,but i dont want more friends,I want a Relationship and that sense of intimacy......

We Hung out 2 days ago,Went to dinner,Hung out by the pool and in her apartment and It seemed like were really opening up to each other The more we see each other.At the end We Hugged and kissed For a while,I Felt like I could of taken it further but i pussed out Unfortunately......I emailed her the Day after Saying How i loved spending time with her and she's Incredible.......Just trying to be sweet and Romantic i guess.

Uhm,And the 4th of july Were going to see fireworks and basicly Spending the whole day together as ive Requested off of work So We'll Most likely be Together all day and Night...... So In short while im Still not over My "Past love" Which never went anywhere things actually ARE progressing with this girl and It would seem that while that Fire isnt quite there yet its growing and Im Definately Happy and Looking forward to the next time i see this girl,

And that really makes me happy,At a time where my job sucks worse than ever and is Extremely depressing to me This girl is kinda my only ray of light right now and Its What i have to look forward to.
firefly
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Jul, 2010 11:18 pm
@mrhunt,
I'm glad you're feeling happier about the relationship.

Have a great 4th of July.
0 Replies
 
mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Jul, 2010 03:17 am
Well,We actually had an epic 4th of july,Spent the entire day Together....Had sex at Night For the first time with each other and then slept at her place....Woke Up together and cuddled For a while before i left.Very epic,Can tell she's very into me just as much as im into her.

went REALLY Terrific....Each time we see each other it just gets better and better....
firefly
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Jul, 2010 12:09 pm
@mrhunt,
Quote:
.but Im Honestly not attracted to her....Like on a 1 to 10 its like a 4 most honestly....


Famous last words. Laughing

Quote:

went REALLY Terrific....Each time we see each other it just gets better and better....


Very glad you gave things time to develop. See, you never know...

And I'm very happy for you that you now have this bright spot in your life. I hope it continues to get better and better.
0 Replies
 
mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Jul, 2010 07:59 pm
@mrhunt,
well to update,Ive seen this girl several times Now and we've spent whole days together....but in the back of my mind almost everything about her is a turn off.....And i cant honestly see myself Seriously being in a relationship with her long term and not hating myself for it.... We get along good but theres just no spark,I dont even know how we ended up sleeping together....

And to make things worse im so desperate to be in a relationship,ANY relationship that i act like im TOTALLY into her when she's around...And its just not right..You know? and im actively trying to see other women while im seeing her.....Well,She hasnt called in a few days....Maybe she's not into me either.Maybe it was just a fling and now its over? whatever....I dont want a gf im too embaressed to even show off to my friends cause of her double chin and general slobbyness...
BillRM
 
  2  
Reply Sat 17 Jul, 2010 12:36 am
@mrhunt,
Quote:
whatever....I dont want a gf im too embaressed to even show off to my friends cause of her double chin and general slobbyness...


Is this a troll or not?

In any case the lady can just go on a diet and solve the over weight problem however your problems are going to be a great deal harder to "reduce".

Once more if this is not a troll do her a favor and leave her alone so she will have a chance to find a man and not whatever you happen to be.
0 Replies
 
Gargamel
 
  1  
Reply Sat 17 Jul, 2010 08:36 am
@mrhunt,
Good riddance, dude.
0 Replies
 
mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Jul, 2010 01:05 pm
yeah,I agree...Im not broken up over it or anything but im Just shocked at How Could SHE blow ME off? Im the one out of her goddam League here! Jesus christ! What a bitch.hopefully she was run over on her gay little moped of hers.
 

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