Wife's intimacy with lesbian friend

My wife met this woman who had kept staring at her at a restuarant/coffee shop she frequents. She found out this woman shares many of the same interests, was at the same massage school my wife is currently attending. This woman went back to the massage school to attend classes with her; they exchange emails and text messages and phone calls late into the night. They have been naked with one another at school (my wife would like to get a tree tattoo like this lesbian has on her side-she thinks it's hot); they may have touched one another as part of the school massage; my wife has experimented with another woman many years ago; her sister is bisexual and her mom had a pseudo-relationship with a lesbian many years ago. She talks about this woman constantly and says she believes they've been soul mates in a past life. I am very concerned that my wife doesn't see that she loves this woman and wants to be with her. Should I be concerned?

Again, thank you for all the responses. Once more, I would ask everyone from keeping away from personal attacks as we have strayed from my initial question(s): my wife continues to speak to and text this woman on a daily basis; this woman has expressed her "love" for my wife; and my wife listens to her when she reads her palms or accepts an invitation to a concert in the park - my concern is not that this woman is a lesbian, I agree, if this was man I would be concerned equally; it's the amount of time being pulled away from our relationship with someone else. I don't want to watch or participate in any menage a trois, I am therefore left with a couple of options: a) ignore, let it happen because it will anyway with or without my consent; b) share with my wife my concerns (ie talk about my issues); c) accept the relationship openly and ask that it not interfere with our relationship to any greater degree (not sure how that works); or d) start the process of ending my relationship with my wife. What say you?

MontStMichel wrote:

Again, thank you for all the responses. Once more, I would ask everyone from keeping away from personal attacks as we have strayed from my initial question(s): my wife continues to speak to and text this woman on a daily basis; this woman has expressed her "love" for my wife; and my wife listens to her when she reads her palms or accepts an invitation to a concert in the park - my concern is not that this woman is a lesbian, I agree, if this was man I would be concerned equally; it's the amount of time being pulled away from our relationship with someone else. I don't want to watch or participate in any menage a trois, I am therefore left with a couple of options: a) ignore, let it happen because it will anyway with or without my consent; b) share with my wife my concerns (ie talk about my issues); c) accept the relationship openly and ask that it not interfere with our relationship to any greater degree (not sure how that works); or d) start the process of ending my relationship with my wife. What say you?

For buggery hell's sake. I can't believe you are asking a group of anonymous stangers advice of your love life. i also find it incredulous that you sholuld poist personal details such as this and then protest that people should nopt get or personal in their critsisms or piss taking of you.

Decide what you want.

Do you want your relaitionship with you wife?

Would sharing your wife's intimate affections with someone else count as a cost? If it does, are you prepared to bear that cost?

If the answer is yes, do nothing.

If the answer is no, give your wife an ultimatum and live with the consequences?

Did you really need this explaining to you?

stevecook172001 wrote:

MontStMichel wrote:

Again, thank you for all the responses. Once more, I would ask everyone from keeping away from personal attacks as we have strayed from my initial question(s): my wife continues to speak to and text this woman on a daily basis; this woman has expressed her "love" for my wife; and my wife listens to her when she reads her palms or accepts an invitation to a concert in the park - my concern is not that this woman is a lesbian, I agree, if this was man I would be concerned equally; it's the amount of time being pulled away from our relationship with someone else. I don't want to watch or participate in any menage a trois, I am therefore left with a couple of options: a) ignore, let it happen because it will anyway with or without my consent; b) share with my wife my concerns (ie talk about my issues); c) accept the relationship openly and ask that it not interfere with our relationship to any greater degree (not sure how that works); or d) start the process of ending my relationship with my wife. What say you?

For buggery hell's sake. I can't believe you are asking a group of anonymous stangers advice of your love life. i also find it incredulous that you sholuld poist personal details such as this and then protest that people should nopt get or personal in their critsisms or piss taking of you.

Decide what you want.

Do you want your relaitionship with you wife?

Would sharing your wife's intimate affections with someone else count as a cost? If it does, are you prepared to bear that cost?

If the answer is yes, do nothing.

If the answer is no, give your wife an ultimatum and live with the consequences?

Did you really need this explaining to you?

The situation is more complex, and love always makes every simple answer more complex..

My wife met this woman who had kept staring at her at a restuarant/coffee shop she frequents. She found out this woman shares many of the same interests, was at the same massage school my wife is currently attending. This woman went back to the massage school to attend classes with her; they exchange emails and text messages and phone calls late into the night. They have been naked with one another at school (my wife would like to get a tree tattoo like this lesbian has on her side-she thinks it's hot); they may have touched one another as part of the school massage; my wife has experimented with another woman many years ago; her sister is bisexual and her mom had a pseudo-relationship with a lesbian many years ago. She talks about this woman constantly and says she believes they've been soul mates in a past life. I am very concerned that my wife doesn't see that she loves this woman and wants to be with her. Should I be concerned?

MontStMichel wrote:

My wife met this woman who had kept staring at her at a restuarant/coffee shop she frequents. She found out this woman shares many of the same interests, was at the same massage school my wife is currently attending. This woman went back to the massage school to attend classes with her; they exchange emails and text messages and phone calls late into the night. They have been naked with one another at school (my wife would like to get a tree tattoo like this lesbian has on her side-she thinks it's hot); they may have touched one another as part of the school massage; my wife has experimented with another woman many years ago; her sister is bisexual and her mom had a pseudo-relationship with a lesbian many years ago. She talks about this woman constantly and says she believes they've been soul mates in a past life. I am very concerned that my wife doesn't see that she loves this woman and wants to be with her. Should I be concerned?

Hi Mont!

If you are concerned? and you appear to be, may I suggest you speak to your wife about your concerns. Sometimes when a relationship dulls, the exitement of being around others renews the lost spirit. Many relationships go through a dulling phase, and many survive. It really is a case of "same old, same old" that leads a person to seek new pastures.
Have you tried revitalising the essence of the commonalities and adventures that brought you together in the first place?
Do so, and see what happens.

Do you spend more time considering yourself than you do her? Do YOU find escape, i.e. surfing the net, work, hobbies or personal interests more refreshing than being with her?

Are you even in-love with each other anymore?

I know, if I were in-love, This keypad would never know my touch again.

Have a thoughtful day, Mont!
Mark...

Are you even in-love with each other anymore?

I know, if I were in-love, This keypad would never know my touch again.

I am to the emotional point that it is interfering with my emotional functioning.

If anyone has a similar experience I'd appreciate your thoughts

Yes, hawkeye and cyclo -- I do think it's sad. And I didn't say anything about physical beauty being the source of sexual attraction.

It seems to me to be a very shallow way to be friends -- that's why I think it's sad.