12
   

Wife's intimacy with lesbian friend

 
 
Fat Man 1951
 
  2  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 05:42 pm
Again, in response to hawkeye10:

I still keep thinking about what you said . . . . .

"I catch hell for saying this in the childhood sexual abuse survivor community, but I have come to the conclusion that often abuse is nearly a blessing."

NO YOU MORON!

RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING!RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING!RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING!RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING!RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING! RAPE IS NOT A BLESSING!

YOU GOT THAT? YOU ******* MORON!!!

I HOPE SOME DAY REAL SOON, SOMEBODY COMES AT YOU WITH A CHAIN SAW AND CUTS YOU UP INTO ITTY BITTY LITTLE PIECES!!!

ON YOUR MAMA'S PORCH WITH YOUR MAMA LOOKING ON!!!
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 06:10 pm
@Fat Man 1951,
not a believer in the old saw "that that does not kill us makes us stronger" I see.

I am obviously an outcast in the survivor community because while I understand that the response to hardship ranges from nearly complete destruction to becoming the best of the best I refuse to treat those who suffer from hardship as victims. They are always free to claim victim status, and others can abide and cater to that identity if they desire, but I refuse. I have never seen much good come from working through the victim identity, all those who did well that I have seen refused to be victims....refused to be bullied by the survivor community into accepting victim status.

Educators have yet again learned that kids tend to live up or down to expectations, but all people tend to do that. High expectations, and support in reaching those expectations, it the ticket. Low expectations will produce poor results most of the time.
Fat Man 1951
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 06:20 pm
@hawkeye10,
Sometimes injuries are permanent.

Take physical injuries for example:

A person can be scared and disfigured for life, or suffer an injury that renders one paraplegic and unable to walk for life.

Emotional scars can sometime be that same way, lasting for life.

You are obviously without any sympathy or human feelings what-so-ever.

You're a sociopath and you deserve to be locked up somewhere forever, so far away that you won't be able to hear the dogs barking.

In the meantime . . .

PUT A SOCK IN IT!
0 Replies
 
stevecook172001
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 06:29 pm
@MontStMichel,
MontStMichel wrote:

My wife met this woman who had kept staring at her at a restuarant/coffee shop she frequents. She found out this woman shares many of the same interests, was at the same massage school my wife is currently attending. This woman went back to the massage school to attend classes with her; they exchange emails and text messages and phone calls late into the night. They have been naked with one another at school (my wife would like to get a tree tattoo like this lesbian has on her side-she thinks it's hot); they may have touched one another as part of the school massage; my wife has experimented with another woman many years ago; her sister is bisexual and her mom had a pseudo-relationship with a lesbian many years ago. She talks about this woman constantly and says she believes they've been soul mates in a past life. I am very concerned that my wife doesn't see that she loves this woman and wants to be with her. Should I be concerned?

Ask if you can watch?....
0 Replies
 
MontStMichel
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 06:50 pm
Again, thank you for all the responses. Once more, I would ask everyone from keeping away from personal attacks as we have strayed from my initial question(s): my wife continues to speak to and text this woman on a daily basis; this woman has expressed her "love" for my wife; and my wife listens to her when she reads her palms or accepts an invitation to a concert in the park - my concern is not that this woman is a lesbian, I agree, if this was man I would be concerned equally; it's the amount of time being pulled away from our relationship with someone else. I don't want to watch or participate in any menage a trois, I am therefore left with a couple of options: a) ignore, let it happen because it will anyway with or without my consent; b) share with my wife my concerns (ie talk about my issues); c) accept the relationship openly and ask that it not interfere with our relationship to any greater degree (not sure how that works); or d) start the process of ending my relationship with my wife. What say you?
panzade
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 07:27 pm
@MontStMichel,
b. And if your wife ignores your concerns...d.
0 Replies
 
wmwcjr
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 07:41 pm
I agree with panzade. Good luck and best wishes to you.
0 Replies
 
stevecook172001
 
  0  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 11:23 pm
@MontStMichel,
MontStMichel wrote:

Again, thank you for all the responses. Once more, I would ask everyone from keeping away from personal attacks as we have strayed from my initial question(s): my wife continues to speak to and text this woman on a daily basis; this woman has expressed her "love" for my wife; and my wife listens to her when she reads her palms or accepts an invitation to a concert in the park - my concern is not that this woman is a lesbian, I agree, if this was man I would be concerned equally; it's the amount of time being pulled away from our relationship with someone else. I don't want to watch or participate in any menage a trois, I am therefore left with a couple of options: a) ignore, let it happen because it will anyway with or without my consent; b) share with my wife my concerns (ie talk about my issues); c) accept the relationship openly and ask that it not interfere with our relationship to any greater degree (not sure how that works); or d) start the process of ending my relationship with my wife. What say you?

For buggery hell's sake. I can't believe you are asking a group of anonymous stangers advice of your love life. i also find it incredulous that you sholuld poist personal details such as this and then protest that people should nopt get or personal in their critsisms or piss taking of you.

Decide what you want.

Do you want your relaitionship with you wife?

Would sharing your wife's intimate affections with someone else count as a cost? If it does, are you prepared to bear that cost?

If the answer is yes, do nothing.

If the answer is no, give your wife an ultimatum and live with the consequences?

Did you really need this explaining to you?



hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Jun, 2010 11:36 pm
@stevecook172001,
To simplify: man up for cripes sake...
0 Replies
 
Fat Man 1951
 
  0  
Reply Wed 30 Jun, 2010 12:26 am
Hey, hawkeye10!!!

I would love to hear you say this to some parents who's child has been molested by a pedophile!!!

Hawkeye10 says:

"I catch hell for saying this in the childhood sexual abuse survivor community, but I have come to the conclusion that often abuse is nearly a blessing."

If I wear a parent, and if it was my kid who was molested by some low-life scum-bag pedo -perv, and you said that to me, I would get so ******* pissed off that I would rip your head off, and shove it up your ass, face first, and piss down your neck!

You're worse than a bully! You worse than most bullies ever thought of being!

You're a low-life gutter-thug scum-bag piece of dog **** pedo-symp!

NOW, GO DIE!!!
0 Replies
 
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Wed 30 Jun, 2010 04:21 am
@stevecook172001,
stevecook172001 wrote:

MontStMichel wrote:

Again, thank you for all the responses. Once more, I would ask everyone from keeping away from personal attacks as we have strayed from my initial question(s): my wife continues to speak to and text this woman on a daily basis; this woman has expressed her "love" for my wife; and my wife listens to her when she reads her palms or accepts an invitation to a concert in the park - my concern is not that this woman is a lesbian, I agree, if this was man I would be concerned equally; it's the amount of time being pulled away from our relationship with someone else. I don't want to watch or participate in any menage a trois, I am therefore left with a couple of options: a) ignore, let it happen because it will anyway with or without my consent; b) share with my wife my concerns (ie talk about my issues); c) accept the relationship openly and ask that it not interfere with our relationship to any greater degree (not sure how that works); or d) start the process of ending my relationship with my wife. What say you?

For buggery hell's sake. I can't believe you are asking a group of anonymous stangers advice of your love life. i also find it incredulous that you sholuld poist personal details such as this and then protest that people should nopt get or personal in their critsisms or piss taking of you.

Decide what you want.

Do you want your relaitionship with you wife?

Would sharing your wife's intimate affections with someone else count as a cost? If it does, are you prepared to bear that cost?

If the answer is yes, do nothing.

If the answer is no, give your wife an ultimatum and live with the consequences?

Did you really need this explaining to you?





The situation is more complex, and love always makes every simple answer more complex..
boomerang
 
  2  
Reply Wed 30 Jun, 2010 07:35 am
Yes, hawkeye and cyclo -- I do think it's sad. And I didn't say anything about physical beauty being the source of sexual attraction.

It seems to me to be a very shallow way to be friends -- that's why I think it's sad.
stevecook172001
 
  0  
Reply Wed 30 Jun, 2010 07:59 am
@Fido,
Fido wrote:

stevecook172001 wrote:

MontStMichel wrote:

Again, thank you for all the responses. Once more, I would ask everyone from keeping away from personal attacks as we have strayed from my initial question(s): my wife continues to speak to and text this woman on a daily basis; this woman has expressed her "love" for my wife; and my wife listens to her when she reads her palms or accepts an invitation to a concert in the park - my concern is not that this woman is a lesbian, I agree, if this was man I would be concerned equally; it's the amount of time being pulled away from our relationship with someone else. I don't want to watch or participate in any menage a trois, I am therefore left with a couple of options: a) ignore, let it happen because it will anyway with or without my consent; b) share with my wife my concerns (ie talk about my issues); c) accept the relationship openly and ask that it not interfere with our relationship to any greater degree (not sure how that works); or d) start the process of ending my relationship with my wife. What say you?

For buggery hell's sake. I can't believe you are asking a group of anonymous stangers advice of your love life. i also find it incredulous that you sholuld poist personal details such as this and then protest that people should nopt get or personal in their critsisms or piss taking of you.

Decide what you want.

Do you want your relaitionship with you wife?

Would sharing your wife's intimate affections with someone else count as a cost? If it does, are you prepared to bear that cost?

If the answer is yes, do nothing.

If the answer is no, give your wife an ultimatum and live with the consequences?

Did you really need this explaining to you?





The situation is more complex, and love always makes every simple answer more complex..
it's not complex at all

Whenever "complexity" is cited in relationship problem it is nearly always a euphanism for not wanting to take responsibility for making a decision that the person already knows they need to make.

This thread's OP is a case in point. He has already indicated his choices. He just needs to grow some balls and make a decision and stop whining about it. What the hell does he suppose anyone on here is going to be able to tell him that he doen't already know far better by virtue of the direct excperience of being him?

He has just posted this stuff on here to get attenttion.

0 Replies
 
mark noble
 
  2  
Reply Wed 30 Jun, 2010 10:31 am
@MontStMichel,
MontStMichel wrote:

My wife met this woman who had kept staring at her at a restuarant/coffee shop she frequents. She found out this woman shares many of the same interests, was at the same massage school my wife is currently attending. This woman went back to the massage school to attend classes with her; they exchange emails and text messages and phone calls late into the night. They have been naked with one another at school (my wife would like to get a tree tattoo like this lesbian has on her side-she thinks it's hot); they may have touched one another as part of the school massage; my wife has experimented with another woman many years ago; her sister is bisexual and her mom had a pseudo-relationship with a lesbian many years ago. She talks about this woman constantly and says she believes they've been soul mates in a past life. I am very concerned that my wife doesn't see that she loves this woman and wants to be with her. Should I be concerned?


Hi Mont!

If you are concerned? and you appear to be, may I suggest you speak to your wife about your concerns. Sometimes when a relationship dulls, the exitement of being around others renews the lost spirit. Many relationships go through a dulling phase, and many survive. It really is a case of "same old, same old" that leads a person to seek new pastures.
Have you tried revitalising the essence of the commonalities and adventures that brought you together in the first place?
Do so, and see what happens.

Do you spend more time considering yourself than you do her? Do YOU find escape, i.e. surfing the net, work, hobbies or personal interests more refreshing than being with her?

Are you even in-love with each other anymore?

I know, if I were in-love, This keypad would never know my touch again.

Have a thoughtful day, Mont!
Mark...
stevecook172001
 
  1  
Reply Wed 30 Jun, 2010 02:02 pm
@mark noble,
mark noble wrote:

MontStMichel wrote:

My wife met this woman who had kept staring at her at a restuarant/coffee shop she frequents. She found out this woman shares many of the same interests, was at the same massage school my wife is currently attending. This woman went back to the massage school to attend classes with her; they exchange emails and text messages and phone calls late into the night. They have been naked with one another at school (my wife would like to get a tree tattoo like this lesbian has on her side-she thinks it's hot); they may have touched one another as part of the school massage; my wife has experimented with another woman many years ago; her sister is bisexual and her mom had a pseudo-relationship with a lesbian many years ago. She talks about this woman constantly and says she believes they've been soul mates in a past life. I am very concerned that my wife doesn't see that she loves this woman and wants to be with her. Should I be concerned?


Hi Mont!

If you are concerned? and you appear to be, may I suggest you speak to your wife about your concerns. Sometimes when a relationship dulls, the exitement of being around others renews the lost spirit. Many relationships go through a dulling phase, and many survive. It really is a case of "same old, same old" that leads a person to seek new pastures.
Have you tried revitalising the essence of the commonalities and adventures that brought you together in the first place?
Do so, and see what happens.

Do you spend more time considering yourself than you do her? Do YOU find escape, i.e. surfing the net, work, hobbies or personal interests more refreshing than being with her?

Are you even in-love with each other anymore?

I know, if I were in-love, This keypad would never know my touch again.

Have a thoughtful day, Mont!
Mark...

Well, yes

Quite so
0 Replies
 
Fat Man 1951
 
  0  
Reply Wed 30 Jun, 2010 07:37 pm
Another response to hawkeye10 who says . . . . .

"I catch hell for saying this in the childhood sexual abuse survivor community, but I have come to the conclusion that often abuse is nearly a blessing."

Since you believe that getting raped is a blessing . . . . . then . . .

You are obviously a pedophile or at least a pedophile sympathizer.

A pedo-symp!!!

I hope you end up in prison for the rest of your life and you wind up having a cellmate named Bubba!

And may Bubba bless you!!!
0 Replies
 
msolga
 
  1  
Reply Wed 30 Jun, 2010 08:23 pm
@mark noble,
Quote:

Are you even in-love with each other anymore?

I know, if I were in-love, This keypad would never know my touch again.


Ha. Good point. Smile
0 Replies
 
MontStMichel
 
  1  
Reply Wed 30 Jun, 2010 10:56 pm
Thanks for all the responses. I'm new to posting and think it best to disregard the personal attacks and hijacking of the "thread" of the discussion. One of the beauties of the internet is that I can post anonymously and free of repercussion, so there is a certain freedom in doing so. So I am left with a rather painful dilemma, discussing my discomfort with her relationship is not easy for me and the thought of ending the relationship even more painful. So thank you for the thoughts, disorganized as some of them are: I will present myself to my wife (timing is everything) with my level of discomfort and see where it goes. I can only control my actions, thoughts and behaviors, and clearly by posting to this site, I am to the emotional point that it is interfering with my emotional functioning. If anyone has a similar experience I'd appreciate your thoughts.
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Wed 30 Jun, 2010 11:03 pm
@MontStMichel,
Quote:
I am to the emotional point that it is interfering with my emotional functioning.
That is some creepy wording right there...

Quote:
If anyone has a similar experience I'd appreciate your thoughts
The lesson I learned was that a Husband and Wife need to be able to talk about anything, and that once this need arises it can not be put off for long.

0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Jul, 2010 02:39 am
@boomerang,
boomerang wrote:

Yes, hawkeye and cyclo -- I do think it's sad. And I didn't say anything about physical beauty being the source of sexual attraction.

It seems to me to be a very shallow way to be friends -- that's why I think it's sad.



Oh boy yes.

Tragic really.

But in Hawk's case....are you surprised?

 

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