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Wife's intimacy with lesbian friend

 
 
Reply Sun 27 Jun, 2010 08:39 am
My wife met this woman who had kept staring at her at a restuarant/coffee shop she frequents. She found out this woman shares many of the same interests, was at the same massage school my wife is currently attending. This woman went back to the massage school to attend classes with her; they exchange emails and text messages and phone calls late into the night. They have been naked with one another at school (my wife would like to get a tree tattoo like this lesbian has on her side-she thinks it's hot); they may have touched one another as part of the school massage; my wife has experimented with another woman many years ago; her sister is bisexual and her mom had a pseudo-relationship with a lesbian many years ago. She talks about this woman constantly and says she believes they've been soul mates in a past life. I am very concerned that my wife doesn't see that she loves this woman and wants to be with her. Should I be concerned?
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Type: Question • Score: 12 • Views: 13,924 • Replies: 88

 
Briteone
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Jun, 2010 09:23 am
@MontStMichel,
If the other woman is gay..
then picture her as a guy
Sorry dude...bummer
0 Replies
 
Fido
 
  2  
Reply Sun 27 Jun, 2010 03:56 pm
@MontStMichel,
MontStMichel wrote:

My wife met this woman who had kept staring at her at a restuarant/coffee shop she frequents. She found out this woman shares many of the same interests, was at the same massage school my wife is currently attending. This woman went back to the massage school to attend classes with her; they exchange emails and text messages and phone calls late into the night. They have been naked with one another at school (my wife would like to get a tree tattoo like this lesbian has on her side-she thinks it's hot); they may have touched one another as part of the school massage; my wife has experimented with another woman many years ago; her sister is bisexual and her mom had a pseudo-relationship with a lesbian many years ago. She talks about this woman constantly and says she believes they've been soul mates in a past life. I am very concerned that my wife doesn't see that she loves this woman and wants to be with her. Should I be concerned?

Keep talking... I am half way there... Need more salacious details so I can shake my bottle till it pops...

Just a sudden thought, but if she is falling in love with another, maybe it is time to look for what she sees... There were forms of marriage in the past where groups of brothers married groups of sisters, or strangers marrying sisters would set up a common household... I think of my marriage as deeply flawed, on the border of being no marriage at all... I would prefer one on one because there is not enough of me for two relationships... But perhaps your situation is different, and your association with your wife's could teach you how to love your wife better... If you want your wife don't worry about the form the relationship takes... Worry only about the relationship...
0 Replies
 
Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Jun, 2010 04:40 pm
@MontStMichel,
MontStMichel wrote:

My wife met this woman who had kept staring at her at a restuarant/coffee shop she frequents. She found out this woman shares many of the same interests, was at the same massage school my wife is currently attending. This woman went back to the massage school to attend classes with her; they exchange emails and text messages and phone calls late into the night. They have been naked with one another at school (my wife would like to get a tree tattoo like this lesbian has on her side-she thinks it's hot); they may have touched one another as part of the school massage; my wife has experimented with another woman many years ago; her sister is bisexual and her mom had a pseudo-relationship with a lesbian many years ago. She talks about this woman constantly and says she believes they've been soul mates in a past life. I am very concerned that my wife doesn't see that she loves this woman and wants to be with her. Should I be concerned?


Other than the fact I think this is complete BS, I think you should talk your wife into talking this other woman into having a three way. You can make it work, you know two for one, no one loses out. Everyone's happy. It is a win win all the way around.
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Jun, 2010 05:43 pm
@MontStMichel,
If you didn't know this woman's sexual orientation would you be as paranoid?

If your wife had simply made a friend at school would you care?

I think you're being ridiculous.
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Jun, 2010 06:15 pm
@MontStMichel,
sounds like your wife is telling you what is going on and you approve, so she is not cheating on you. Women often like to play with other women, and then take that excitement and energy home to their man. As long as your relationship is solid the smart thing to do is to encourage her to go out and have a good time, or even better bring the other girl over to your place for a little action.

Sure it could turn out bad for you, but the odds are much better that it will be great for you.
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Jun, 2010 11:00 pm
@Krumple,
Krumple wrote:

MontStMichel wrote:

My wife met this woman who had kept staring at her at a restuarant/coffee shop she frequents. She found out this woman shares many of the same interests, was at the same massage school my wife is currently attending. This woman went back to the massage school to attend classes with her; they exchange emails and text messages and phone calls late into the night. They have been naked with one another at school (my wife would like to get a tree tattoo like this lesbian has on her side-she thinks it's hot); they may have touched one another as part of the school massage; my wife has experimented with another woman many years ago; her sister is bisexual and her mom had a pseudo-relationship with a lesbian many years ago. She talks about this woman constantly and says she believes they've been soul mates in a past life. I am very concerned that my wife doesn't see that she loves this woman and wants to be with her. Should I be concerned?


Other than the fact I think this is complete BS, I think you should talk your wife into talking this other woman into having a three way. You can make it work, you know two for one, no one loses out. Everyone's happy. It is a win win all the way around.

Fat chance of that getting out of fantasy land into a bed... Few men have got the love and patience to learn what even a single woman has to teach let alone two... Best to see what the wife finds desirable in the girl friend, love the wife, try to accept the girl friend, and hope that it will get hot and burn out... The last thing the man should do is hit on the other girl... It would make him look like an unfaitful ass... Stupid too... Since it is ulikely the girl would like him, but passing at her would give her great power to injure him without her having reason one to care for him... Some times it is time for a girl to go, and some times it is for the best... If the wife is worth keeping, try to keep her without judging or being seen as judging...
0 Replies
 
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Jun, 2010 11:05 pm
@hawkeye10,
hawkeye10 wrote:

sounds like your wife is telling you what is going on and you approve, so she is not cheating on you. Women often like to play with other women, and then take that excitement and energy home to their man. As long as your relationship is solid the smart thing to do is to encourage her to go out and have a good time, or even better bring the other girl over to your place for a little action.

Sure it could turn out bad for you, but the odds are much better that it will be great for you.

I would like to place a bet with you for not one chance in hell of a three way going to happen, and another bet on likely too cause irrepairable damage just looking for one... Some breaches of faith are meant to end relationships... Look for it without causing it....
Fido
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Jun, 2010 11:09 pm
@boomerang,
boomerang wrote:

If you didn't know this woman's sexual orientation would you be as paranoid?

If your wife had simply made a friend at school would you care?

I think you're being ridiculous.

Ridiculous??? Why use big words when a simple one will serve as well... If he is a man, ridiculous is normal; normal for all of us...
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Jun, 2010 11:25 pm
@Fido,
Quote:
I would like to place a bet with you for not one chance in hell of a three way going to happen, and another bet on likely too cause irrepairable damage just looking for one... Some breaches of faith are meant to end relationships... Look for it without causing it....
no need for a three way and all that complication, most guys would get off by watching. Then they would send the friend home and **** like bunnies
0 Replies
 
Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Jun, 2010 11:29 pm
@Fido,
The only reason I suggested it was because I think the whole situation is a bunch of male cow feces. Wasn't taking it serious, so I didn't think my response need be serious.
0 Replies
 
laughoutlood
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Jun, 2010 12:01 am
@MontStMichel,
Quote:
soul mates in a past life


Send her back.


Quote:
Then they would send the friend home


That would be so rude as to be almost as rude as not sending her home.
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Jun, 2010 06:04 am
@hawkeye10,
hawkeye10 wrote:
Women often like to play with other women, and then take that excitement and energy home to their man.

What fantasy land do you inhabit?

Oh, yes. The fantasy land where children want the right to have sex with adult men.
MontStMichel
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Jun, 2010 07:57 am
I appreciate everyone's response and it's difficult to read if there is a general consensus, I would ask however, to keep away from personal attacks. This is an emotional issue that I am trying to figure out and seeking objective perspectives is helpful. Perhaps for me the biggest thing is that my wife doesn't admit, but then again maybe that will come in time and she's also dealing with it the best way she can, that she also wants her lesbian girlfriend. Maybe she's afraid I'll end our relationship, or hit on her girlfriend....it maybe a male fantasy to have two women, but emotionally I just don't want to go there. I am perhaps more jealous of the time and attention she spends with this other person. But then again, I could spend my time elsewhere as well...but then, what does that say about our relationship at the moment? Is that what I'm more fearful of addressing. I love my wife and believe she is my twin flame...so there is a lot of growth going on, not necessarily easy.
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Jun, 2010 08:16 am
@MontStMichel,
MontStMichel- Marriage is a lifelong process, and often, people go through difficult times before settling down.

IMO, you might want to talk to your wife, objectively, and not in an attack or defensive mode, about her feelings for this woman. If it were me, I would ask your wife what exactly she wants from the relationship with this woman. YOU own the problem. It is YOU who are uncomfortable. Ask your wife to help you with your misgivings (most women LOVE to be nurturers and to help).

There are a number of possibilities:
She sees this woman as a "gal pal"- period.
She has some intimate feelings for her, but has not even figured them out herself.
She loves the woman, but is conflicted vis a vis your relationship with her.

No matter what, if you love your wife, you would want her to understand her feelings, hopefully in a way that will preserve your marriage. I have been married for 43 years, and believe me, marriage takes a lot of hard work. During every stage of life, challenges crop up, and then working on the marriage becomes more intense.

Hang tight, keep as objective as possible, and I am sure that the two of you will come up with a solution amicable to both of you. Good Luck!
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Jun, 2010 10:39 am
I like Phoenix's take on it.

0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Jun, 2010 12:52 pm
@MontStMichel,
Quote:
I am perhaps more jealous of the time and attention she spends with this other person.
A problem that would be resolved if the three of you spent time together. Also, if you noticed benefits of the chick bonding to you, such as she was more excited in bed with you.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Jun, 2010 01:00 pm
@DrewDad,
DrewDad wrote:


What fantasy land do you inhabit?


NO KIDDING!!! LOLOLOLOL

hawkeye10 wrote:
Women often like to play with other women, and then take that excitement and energy home to their man.


Yeah, tennis, maybe, but that's about it.

You're a real piece of work, Hawk.
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Jun, 2010 03:03 pm
@Mame,
Quote:
Yeah, tennis, maybe, but that's about it.

You're a real piece of work, Hawk.


do you have any game other than slander??

Quote:
2002 National Survey of Family Growth, which was sponsored by the Center for Disease Control, 1.8 percent of men and 2.8 percent of women ages 18 to 44 identify as bisexual. Additionally, 12.9 percent of women and 5.9 percent of men ages 18 to 44 said they were attracted to both sexes
http://www.thetaskforce.org/press/releases/prBI_031407
Another study has 14% of women have actually had a lesbian experience. A great many more are bi-curious, only some of whom actual try lesbian sex to see if they like it. I don't have a study to show you, but I am confident that around 20% of women seriously consider bi-sexuality as a self identifier. I further think that if 1 in 5 guys is with a woman who seriously considers herself a possible bi-sexual then it is not helpful for you to act like this possibility is the warped fantasy of a freak (the alleged freak being me, and if calling me names makes you feel better great, I am fine with me being right even if this draws your hostility..)
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 Jun, 2010 03:24 pm
@hawkeye10,
It might be that the 14% figure was only for younger women

Quote:
The survey, released Thursday by the CDC’s National Center for Health Statistics, found that 11.5 percent of women, ages 18 to 44, said they’ve had at least one sexual experience with another women in their lifetimes, compared with about 4 percent of women, ages 18 to 59, who said the same in a comparable survey a decade earlier.

For women in their late teens and 20s, the percentage rose to 14 percent in the more recent survey. About 6 percent of men in their teens and 20s said they’d had at least one same-sex encounter.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9358339/

Still, no matter how you slice it a lot of guys are with women who have screwed around with other women, and this is becoming increasingly common. Girl on girl sex is much more popular than it was even a decade ago...it is now mainstream. If you doubt this go look at some modern porn DVD's, where girl on girl action is now very common.
0 Replies
 
 

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