I'm pregnant and my boyfriend is disappointed.

Consider accepting that this is not a perfect world, and things aren't always the way we want them to be.

At 16 years of age, it's hard to imagine any boy being thrilled to be a father. Granted there's always exceptions to the rule, but generally speaking, from western worlds, neither girls, nor especially boys are ready for for parenthood at that age.

Sometimes the idea of something (in this case being a father / raising a child) catches people by surprise, and they aren't sure how they truly feel about something, so at times it takes a while to get used to something new, and other times things just grow on you. That may or may not be the case for you and your boyfriend - it's one of the complications faced by unplanned and early life pregnancies.

I don't have kids - aren't there pre-natal classes (or something like that - that questions aimed at others) that you can do together, and see how things go?

Stick to your guns and accept his reasons.

Good luck with whatever ends up happening. 16 is pretty young to be dealing with all this.

Cycloptichorn

That's an odd thing for an evolutionist to say Cyclo.

I chose adoption when I was around that age.

best thing I ever did

I loved her before she was born too.

Having a child is a life long commitment, for both of you. You are both equally responsible for this baby. Marriage should also be a life long commitment too. You and your boyfriend are moving into territory that you really aren't old enough or mature enough to handle well.

Let your boyfriend accept the baby on his own terms. If he only wants to help you take care of the baby, so be it. In time, he might see his obligations as a father differently. Right now he might be feeling overwhelmed at the thought of becoming a parent, and that is very understandable. But your baby will benefit from having a father in his or her life, so let your boyfriend shape his role gradually and do it at his own pace.

I wish you luck. I hope that you and your boyfriend both have supportive families who can help you deal with the responsibilities and difficulties you are likely to face.

If you are 16 and have been with him "for years" and are planning to get married soon, anyway, what's the problem?

May I ask how old he is?

he's 18, But i'm soon to be 17. We've been together since I was 12- Never fight or anything like that. My parents adore him. And I couln't be happier.

I'm sure there are some kind of classes for expecting parents. But probably not locally. I live in a very small town and we'd probably have to travle into the city to do something like that, which is 10x easier said than done. Then to top it all off he's trying to go to college in the next state over; and I simply can't live that far away from my mom if I keep the baby..

I'm Glad you were able to make that decison for your self. I don't know if i could even if i wanted to.

You want the baby, he does not (right now)

He is off to college.

You two need to sit down and figure out how both of these things can happen. Can you get any help from your/his parents?

Good luck and let us know what you decide.

Compared to most of the teen mothers we get here you seem rather sensible. I think you are going to have to just follow your heart and your intuition on this. It's good to know the father is going to college and you have your mother to help you when the baby comes.You fiancee is probably afraid of the responsibilities and stress that come with having a child, and that is normal and even healthy. All you can do is encourage him to be an involved father and to do well at school for the sake of the family you are creating. I think you have to accept the fact that you will have to live apart until you can financially afford to live together. Life offers no guarantees so you might as well just try to be the best independent woman/wife/mother you can be and hope he will commit and contribute to the success of your lives. For parenting classes, I suggest you ask your doctor. Many hospitals and clinics offer these services free to families and they are a good resource to take advantage of - even if you just go by yourself. Good luck.

Have you spoken with your OB/GYN doctor about classes for expectant parents? They might have them at a local hospital or clinic.

If your boyfriend is planning on attending college in a different state, the two of you might have to live apart for a while. It is probably more important for you to be near your mom to help you with the baby. It is important that you finish school too.

Obviously, your situation is not ideal. You and your boyfriend have to continue to discuss all your options, including whether he is willing, or able, to attend a college closer to where you live. If he has to go out of state, the two of you might have to settle for seeing each other on weekends or during school breaks. You really aren't ready to begin living together as a family yet. For the sake of everyone's future, including the baby's, you both have to finish your education.

This is tough and no one can tell you what you should do...except you. You do sound like you have a good head on your shoulders so I think you'll take the advice given here and make a sound decision.

You say you love your baby already so you have to decide not what's best for you, but what's best for your baby. That's what being a parent is about. If there is any doubt in your mind that you cannot provide this child with the best you can offer, I'd strongly consider adoption. And by the best I mean more than just love. Yes, it's important but so is clothing, food and a roof over his/her head. Are you ready to commit a lifetime to another person?

I would be very surprised if your boyfriend stayed around, in all honesty. Not because he is a bad person or he doesn't love you. But he is obviously not ready for this. Make plans to raise this baby alone. If you don't, you might be very disappointed once the child is here and he is gone.

Good luck and remember that once this baby is born, life is no longer just about you. You will have another life to be responsible for.

I think you have received alot of good advice here - and like others, even at your young age, you sound sensible and mature and so does your future husband. He sounds solid and honest - he was up front on how he feels about the situation, but also understanding and supportive. I think this sort of attitude will help you both.

Either choice you two make will be difficult so no one here can tell you what you should do. I think like others said, you really should seek out some sort of professional help. Your doctor should be able to give you suggestions. Also, how do your parents feel about the baby? Are they willing to help? With your future husband going off to college, you will be without him a great deal - even if you were to move with him. Are you prepared and is he to be separated for this length of time?

You both are young and going to college will open him to new things and experiences he most likely has not encountered before especially as you say, you are from a small town. Do you plan to get married soon? Before he goes to college?

His grandparents will help us the best they can, they had children young, his parents had children young. Mine however are CHRISTIAN! They live by the book inside and out. I don't know what they'll do.

So you haven't told them? Do not worry if they are Christian and do love, they may not be happy (well I'm pretty sure they won't be), but they will support you - don't you think?

If your parents are true CHRISTIANS, they will indeed accept you and the baby.

Q: Have you spoken with your OB/GYN doctor about classes for expectant parents?
A: No, I have not. I’ve been to the doctor only a few times so far. And most of the visits weren’t even really for the baby but to make sure I was well for him/her. When I initially found out that I was pregnant it was a huge surprise. I was on birth control, we used a condom every single time, and spermicidal lubricants- having a baby was the farthest thing from what I thought could be “wrong” with me.

Q: Are you ready to commit a lifetime to another person?
A: Personally, yes. I understand that it’s a completely different lifestyle from the way I’ve been living and that there will be many** sacrifices I will make for my child; and that not all of these sacrifices will be for his/her necessity but for his/her satisfaction. I’ve wanted a baby since I was a small child, most of my life it was just my mom and I because my father was away; granted I haven’t had much experience with babies I feel I will quickly learn. I have a job that doesn’t require me to be away eight hours a day. I own my own car. I’m saving for an apartment, I want to have enough money for the rent for at least six months [plus obviously the first and last month’s rent required when signing the lease] in case something does happen and don’t have any income. Food and clothing are also extremely important but I’ve been offered sevel options that will help long-term and I plan to breast feed which will cut down on formula for the first year.


Q: Are you prepared and is he to be separated for this length of time?
A: As prepared as I could ever be. He and I have been long distance before and everything was fine. There weren’t any trust issues or things like that. I really do love him, and the heart knows no difference in near or far I suppose. We plan to get married before the leaves for school and have a ceremony after he comes back home and after the baby is born. We BOTH feel its important that this baby is about of the more superficial end of the wedding.

Q: How do my parents feel about our baby?
A: I’ve told my mother and though she hasn’t vocally stated how she feels about my situation I am fully aware of how she feels all teen mothers are “dirty whores” and deserve to “burn in hell”- >.< Christian-like huh? But on the same token she also feels that way about girls with tattoos and belly button piercings. She’s offered me advice on how to deal with my morning sickness, and warns me of things not to eat. She told me a nifty little trick with a wet wash cloth that is AMAZING. Heck, she even went out and bought a yellow “Nana spoiled me” jumper and asked if she could be in the room. [ I know that many mother’s are in the room, but me and her were never really had a healthy mother-daughter relationship.]