I'm pregnant and my boyfriend is disappointed.

well there you go. you're watching your mothers' progress. give her some credit and be grateful. you're going to need her.

It does sound as if you are mature beyond your years and as a teen mom, you are as prepared as you can be. You seem very sensible and level headed so I do give you lots of credit. To be honest, I wouldn't have been able to handle a pregnancy at your age any where near the way you are.

I think your mom is handling this extremely well. I am a mom with two little girls and it would be disappointing to me if this would happen. As a parent you always want best for your child so it would hurt a bit. But that is not to say you would not love your child just the same and not want to help and support. It seems like your mom is showing her love and support through these suggestions and little gifts.

Give her some time - this may bring you both closer as well.

thank you so very much. I'm so excited about having the baby. I just wish his/her daddy was too =[

Once the baby gives him a smile he'll be converted.

Not necessarily. This young father-to-be has plans to go away to school. It doesn't take a wild imagination to consider how this situation might end once he sees just how big the world is and how many different kinds of people and opportunities exist in it. It would behoove this young woman to face the fact that the odds are simply not in her favor as far as her boyfriend is concerned. He may never be happy and fully committed to her and this baby, which he has clearly and honestly stated that he doesn't want, and might bail out completely once he's away. That's a very real possibility. Of course, if they actually marry before he leaves (which i think would be a mistake) then he'll be on the hook but that certainly isn't a very pleasant place for a young couple to be.

Here's a question to our young lady. You say that you've always wanted a baby from the time you were a little girl. And you knew he was planning to go away to school. Did you get pregnant deliberately? Does he know this and that's why he's not happy, because he feels you trapped him?

He could also be worried about raising a child as well - especially where he will be in college.

Of course not everyone has the same experience, but there could be a liklihood that once he holds and sees the baby he will instantly fall in love with the little tyke.

Does he generally like children? Did you discuss having a family? Is it just the timing that he isn't as excited? If so, I would imagine, he will fall in love with the baby.

No, I in no way intended on getting pregnant. We were using multiple methods of contraceptives; the pill, condoms, spermicidal lubricants every time we had sex. We’ve talked about starting a family before, actually relatively close to when we actually conceived. [about a year earlier than either one of us had liked.]

Why yes indeed. He likes kids, his mom had eight and he wants a big family [just not as close in age as him and his siblings are]. We both want all boys and names that all start with “b”, but we realize we have little control over that. Waiting another year was ideal, but it’s a little late for that now don’t ya think? He’s excited about our baby... hes extremely protective over him/her., he’s just nervous I believe.

Anyone know if the nerves will wear down before the baby arrives? Will his cold feet get colder? And is that normal in new-fathers?

I'll tell you something - we sorta wanted boys - I had all brothers so I figured I wouldn't know a thing about girls - well we had girls. The "b" thingy would work with either.

And ya know what girls are fun. Mine love sports as much as any boy (I was a tomboy), but at the same time, they can dress cute and pretty. So you can have the girly thing going and be a bit boyish at the same time.

As far as nerves - that is completely normal and unlikely to end - if anything it could get much worse. Everyone is different of course, but from my experience, feet get warmer not colder. Maybe if he is willing - he could read to the baby. Baby can hear things in the womb and will get used to his voice - maybe this may make him feel closer. Another that may help with nerves is to take baby care classes with him - although this could be difficult with his college classes.

From all I've read here, you do seem capable of making your own decision. But, you certainly are in a quandry. He wants the baby, he doesn't want a baby yet he's protective of the baby. You don't have a good relationship with your mother?

What I see is you could have the baby, then return to work when it's born. Your parents are willing to care for the baby? This sort of arrangement usually does work. Your boyfriend will have to make up his own mind about marriage, college, a job - a new baby? Pretty heavy stuff for him, too.

This happened to me when I was 18, and I chose adoption. Haven't had any regrets. But, that was some time ago and my parents never mentioned being "grandparents."

Good luck to you, your boyfriend, his parents, and your parents through this tough decision time.

I'm seriously hoping the nerves will at least calm down a little. And I'm terribly sick quite often... as in several times a day... Him being a little more at ease with a decision [either way] would make me feel better. Its not knowing thats hard on me. I dont know if my babys gonna have a life with his or her daddy, if daddy will be there to support me [emotionally], if i should start looking for a second job, or if i could go back and rethink because if he doesnt plan on living with me and my child then i could* get a smaller apartment, maybe even move into the attic of my moms house [ its reasonibly sized for two people].

I think you have to have patience, watk, only the passage of time will bring answers to some of your questions.

You do know that he is planning on going away to college, so that should influence your decision about living arrangements. You might want to hold off on getting an apartment, even a small one, if money is tight. Have you discussed this issue with your boyfriend? Could the two of you manage in your mom's attic with the baby?

You both have to sit down and make some plans for the next year. How often will your boyfriend be able to come home once he is in college? Where does he think you should live? How much money do you both have, and how much will you need to cover your expenses (and the baby's) for the next year, including whatever money your boyfriend will need for college (and his books and other things)? Can you continue working after the baby is born? If not, you need to take that into account too. You and your boyfriend should make your plans together based on a realistic budget and realistic options.

Aren't you planning on finishing your schooling?

I hate to beat the proverbial dead horse, especially since it's already out of the barn but I believe that honesty is very important, particularly in situations such as this. I have to ask, if you were on the Pill and your relationship was a committed one, why the need for spermicides and condoms? I guess my real question is, if you were taking all of these precautions, how and why did you get pregnant in the first place?

Here's why I ask. Something tells me, based on what you've written, that there's more than you're admitting to. I could be dead wrong and if so, please forgive me for doubting you. It's just important that you are very, very honest with yourself about this and what you're asking of your boyfriend. The fact that you are just so completely overjoyed by this pregnancy, stating that you've always wanted a baby from the time you were a little girl, sounds suspicious. On top of which, you insist that in spite of using several means of birth control you still managed to get pregnant? Millions of women avoid pregnancy using just one form of birth control but even 3 couldn't prevent you from getting pregnant? I know it's possible"anything's possible" but in all honestly, it's very unlikely.

Thousands of teenage girls get pregnant every year, whether it's a conscious act or sub-conscious one. It's an old, old story. Their boyfriend is preparing to go away to school, join the military, etc. and they get pregnant in a desperate attempt to hold onto him. And it's just not fair.

I say all of this to say, if you know in your heart that you deliberately let yourself get pregnant, without your boyfriend's knowledge or consent, you need to be honest about it, if to no one else but yourself. You don't owe anyone else an explanation. Certainly not us. Just be honest with yourself about it and not put unfair pressure on your boyfriend to do any more now than the law requires.

there are things in my life that i want to do. that are in no way realalistic with a child. there's absoultly nothing i can do about it now. im pregnant. were having complications. they aren't even sure if "the fetus" is going to survive. i'm on bed rest. i'm a straight forward kind of person. if i would have wanted to get knocked up right now he'd of been more than happy to help me. but thats
and if not the case he was gonna go off to school, i was gonna travl th world and we were going to come back with all of our collected love letters and throw some big wedding that him and i could hold on to forever. [ and thats saying something, we dont really believe in forever] there were things i wanted to do. understand that. Yeah, i want this baby. Now more than ever i can take good care of him/her all by myself if i need to. he were to want to go into the military, i could handle that, i was raised by a strong wife or a lusty army man and i turned out fine, and she better than i am. As much as i want my boyfriend in my life, and as long as hes been there for me. The friendship we have and everything that him and i stand for isn't even shaken by something like this. sure were having a kid, hes not "dealing" with it. his just insucre, hes having ssecond thoughts and starting to feel like human bait "can i do this" his dad is an a$$ his mom has too too many kids [ all by different fathers must i say] and his grandmother turned him into a fine man, a very respectible one. but she pushed him and pulled him into something where he's just now starting to remeber who he really is. I waited on him and he waited on me. Its just the way we are. We were oh so careful cause we were afraid of what people would think, two teenagers having a baby is common everywhere but here. he's my everything, i dont wanna say hes everything im not- thats not really true. i'm not worried about breaking up or him not being there, im worried about some high expectations thatmay not be filled when we have this baby. he wants a boy, that will play guitar, and be part of a band, maybe ride a bike. and if its a girl- its almost like he doesnt care, just keeo her away from him and itll be ok. and thats just not the way it is. him and i talk. we talk about it alot. a couple times a day. he sleeps by me every night. he tells me he loves me often. i just dont know what to do. and honestly this thing here isnt helping my sort anything out-

watk, do not dismiss the entire thread, and all of the good advice you've received so far, simply because one person asks tough questions or cast some doubts about your circumstances. Regardless how I or anyone might question your reasons or motives, you know the truth and that's what matters most of all. It's just that when you say that he's disappointed about the pregnancy but then you turn around and say that he would have happily knocked you up if you wanted, you contradict yourself, and that's when questions arise. But again, regardless of the questions, you know your truth and in the end, that's all that matters.

At this point, I'm not quite sure what help you are seeking here. What do you mean by, "i just dont know what to do"? What are the choices you are struggling with?

There isn't much you can do about your boyfriend's attitude toward the baby. The feelings he has now may, or may not, change after the baby is born. He is ambivalent, and only time and experience may help him sort out his feelings. That he would welcome a son, but not a daughter, simply tells you he is not mature enough to be a father. The obligations and responsibilities of a parent are the same, regardless of the gender of a child. He really isn't prepared or willing to accept that, or to unconditionally accept this child, and there isn't much you can do about that. This child might not have a devoted father, but only time will tell.

You have to decide where to live. Children require time, attention, and money. If you will require your mother's help with this baby, you will likely have to live apart from your boyfriend while he attends college. If you cannot care for a baby 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, all by yourself, you should strongly consider living with your mother for the foreseeable future.

You have to consider whether you are able to financially support your baby. Babies need more than just food, clothing, and Pampers--you also have to be prepared to deal with emergencies and anything unforeseen that might arise medically. Do you (and your boyfriend) need to work, even part-time? Can you afford child care if you have to do that? Can he work part-time while attending college? Is he prepared to help you support the baby financially?

You have to consider whether you want to marry now, or postpone marriage until some time in the future. Given your boyfriend's attitude about the baby, it would probably be unwise to enter into a marriage right now. Having a baby may well alter your relationship with your boyfriend. You will no longer be just a couple, you will be a threesome. The baby may bring you and your boyfriend closer, or the baby may be a source of conflict which may drive the two of you apart. There is no way of knowing this in advance, but the baby already appears to be a source of conflict. Again, this is sufficient reason to postpone any talk of marriage.

You are entering into parenthood without a firm, supportive partner by your side. As committed as your boyfriend might be to you, he is not committed to the idea of parenthood, or to this child. This is your choice. You are the one who wants to have and raise this child. You have to be prepared for the fact that you may be a single mother and you should make all decisions about your living situation and financial needs accordingly.

Your life will change radically with the birth of this child. Your boyfriend may choose to continue his life as though this event had never occurred. He will go away to college, have new experiences, meet new people, and continue to grow and develop as an independent person. You will no longer be independent, because you will always have to consider the needs and welfare of your child. You will no longer be as free to make choices simply based on your own desires. Your range of experiences, and your daily routine, may be very limited, and you will not have your boyfriend around for daily company and social activities. You have to prepare yourself for a profound change in your everyday life. You also have to give some thought to your own future and long term goals regarding education and employment. As your child grows, he or she will become considerably more costly to support, and you need to think long term in order to adequately prepare yourself.

What you need to do, watk, is to start concretely preparing yourself for the birth of this child. You will need a place to live and a means of supporting your child. Start making decisions about those things right now, and put aside your concerns about your boyfriend's attitude for the time being--there is nothing you can, or should, do about his feelings for this child. He knows what he will be doing in the near future--he's going off to college. He's not going to be able to help you with the baby, at least not on a day-to-day basis. He may not help you financially. Therefore, you had better get your own ducks in a row before your baby arrives.

I don't know what else you have to sort out, watk. You are the one choosing to have this child, and it's a rather unilateral decision. This is clearly not what your boyfriend wants. Therefore, you need to prepare yourself for all the burdens and responsibilities of single parenthood. If, at some later time, your boyfriend's attitude about the baby changes, that would be wonderful. But, for right now, the best you can do is to be very realistic about your situation, and make your own plans accordingly.

Excellent, Firefly. That's years of advice in nine paragraphs.

Well said firefly.

I don't think young girls fully understand how having a baby changes things. Hell, even us older married women had no idea.

It is profound, indeed.

Adoption do you know how hard that is?
and abortion that is basically killing a human being about to be born
and keeping him will make your life way much harder and difficult

Either way which ever you pick...still neither of them would be the best decision so umm..choose wisely young one
I have a couple friends...that have been adopted some, are okay with it and move on from it but from the stories that i have heard of is they are in it alone...and some face alot of hard things
You never know the people you are giving your child to

You shouldn't have gotten pregnant at that age

Not helpful. What's done is done. She can't go back and not get pregnant.