Oddities and Humor

Janis Ian posted this today:


Janis Ian
19 mins ·
Having decided to clean up my act, I resolved to cut out red meat (for a while), concentrate on fish (and truthfully I don't enjoy eating most fish) and shellfish (which I love) and occasionally poultry (but I lived on a chicken farm, so there's a fair amount of denial in there....)
I also decided to cut back on dairy products, because I really don't like putting milk or cheese with tons of additives and weird growth hormones into my body, and the organic stuff has gotten super super pricey.
Be that as it may, here are three things I've learned in the past two days:
1. Almond milk does not work with coffee. Or espresso for that matter. If you're used to having iced espresso with half a cup of milk with breakfast (yes, and it's delicious!), bite the bullet and buy organic milk. Because I am here to tell you, almond milk does not work. Delicious on it's own. Does not go with coffee.
2. Soy milk looks really weird in coffee, kind of like curdled cow's milk. And while I know a lot of people who like the taste, I find it weirdly disturbing - almost milk but not quite. Like something a vegan vampire would drink.
3. A lot of people do not understand what a vegetarian is. Case in point: I had to eat at a hospital cafeteria two days ago. Seeing "taco salad" with "beef, chicken, or vegetarian" offered, i thought "AHA! Order vegetarian, no chips, cheese on the side, be a healthy person." Or at least, as healthy as I could get when my alternatives were Dairy Queen or snack bars.
I asked what kind of beans they were using. "No beans."
No beans? What are you making it of, then? "Chili."
Chili without beans? "No beans."
Wait. What's the chili made with? "Chicken."
What?! Chicken isn't vegetarian! "Yes it is."
No it's not. "Yes it is."
No it's not. "Yes it is."
Okay then. I demanded the manager come discuss this.
Manager: "What's the problem?"
Me and the very annoyed vegetarian standing next to me: "This is not vegetarian if it's made with chicken."
Manager: "Yes it is."
Me: "But it's made with chicken! That's not a vegetable."
Manager: (Casts pitying glance at us) "Chicken is poultry. It's not meat."
Vegetarian lady: "But it's not vegetarian!"
Manager: (heaving a sigh at our ignorance) "It's not meat. It's poultry. It's vegetarian."
Me: "Is not."
Manager: "Is too."
Me: "Is not."
Manager: "Is too."
<silence>
Me: "So how about if I go to the other food bar, pay for a side of beans, and then can you put that on top of my taco salad?"
Manager: "No."
Vegetarian lady: "Why on earth not?
Manager: "Because we can't mix the two food bars."
Me: "But that one has bean chili, which is vegetarian!"
Manager: "So does this one. It has chicken taco salad, which is vegetarian, because chicken is poultry, not meat."
I settled for a yogurt and called it a day.
As Emo Philips said, "Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps."

The mind reels.



Although I have been within earshot of more than one person saying they're a vegetarian because they only eat chicken.

I have not had the honor.

Oy..I tried Almond milk for the first time. Just fine in cereal and fine with Greek-style yoghurt. . Never in coffee..ptui!

There is a thing popping up on facebook asking why you would pay all that money for watered down 39 cents worth of almonds. I didn't read the thing, but I have tried almond milk a couple of times, then went back to whole organic milk.

I use it with my cereal every morning.

Really love it.

I don't drink coffee very often...and when I do, I use creamer.

(NEWSER) – Next month, a Spanish court will hear arguments in a most unusual case: A woman who claims to own the sun has sued eBay for blocking her extraterrestrial real estate sales. Though it sounds a little nuts, a court in Madrid has ruled that 54-year-old Maria Duran has the right to have her case heard, reports the International Business Times. The court won't rule on the larger issue of whether Duran's claim of ownership is legit, but on the narrower one of whether she violated eBay's seller agreement. She had been selling parcels of about 11 square feet for about $1 each and had racked up 600 orders before eBay shut her down. Because nothing tangible was sold, it feared a scam. Duran says she was never able to collect her money and is suing for about $11,000 in damages, reports the Consumerist.

"I am not a stupid person and I know the law," Duran has said of her solar real estate gambit. She's basing her claim on a loophole in the UN's Outer Space Treaty that says no nation can stake ownership to a heavenly body but makes no mention of individuals—borrowing the strategy used by this entrepreneur's claim on the moon. Duran, as you might imagine, is an eclectic character, observes the Washington Post. "She's studied nursing and law, dreamt up her own religion, and penned a kinky romance novel," writes Caitlin Dewey. The story notes that Duran is framing her sun fight as a statement against the corporate world and promises that any profits will go to charity. For those who want in, Duran is still selling parcels on her own website. (Or check out eBay's haunted dolls.)

ebay can be better than youtube for wandering around and ending up in some really stange places.

Here is a belly button lint cleaning kit selling for $33.

Ooh ooh. I need one of those.

Re the moon thing. What the difference between selling square footage on the moon, to buying a can of Florida sunshine, or paying to have a star named after you?

I mean, you get an actual can, or a piece of paper saying a star has been named after you, why not a piece of paper saying you own 11 square feet of moon?
They're not trying to make her prove she owns the moon, so what's the problem?

Maybe ebay thinks 2 people will go up there and start arguing about property lines.

Actually, it is ownership of the sun in the article. I don't know the legalities here.

OHHHHH.....the sun....well that's an entirely different matter.

I guess if you wanted to check out your property, you'd have to go at night.

I put almond milk, guiltily now because of the drought business - and not guiltily, because I love being around almond orchards - in my smoothies, which are generally yoghurt, a. milk, cocoa, banana, some other fruit, like dried or fresh plums or raisins (soaked).

Not in coffee, grrrr.

Lately I've been making gelato with a. milk and half and half, the sicilian kind of gelato. Girl needs some sweets sometimes.

Edit - Calamity Jane gave a link for making almond milk from almonds, easy. I'm bad, I don't do it, since before I get around to it I've already toasted them and added spices.

Re almond milk: I'm still looking for the nipples on these things. Then, I'll have to find a midget dairy farmer.

Sand sculpture - don't know the source