Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.>>>
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.>>> *>>>>>>>>>
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.>>>
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.>>> *>>>
P: Something loose in cockpit>>>
S: Something tightened in cockpit>>> *>>>
P: Dead bugs on windshield.>>>
S: Live bugs on back-order.>>> *>>>
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per >>> minutedescent.>>>
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground..>>> *>>>
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.>>>
S: Evidence removed.>>> *>>>
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.>>>
S: DME volume set to more believable level.>>> *>>>
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.>>>
S: That's what friction locks are for.>>> *>>>
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode..>>>
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.>>> *>>>
P: Suspected crack in windshield.>>>
S: Suspect you're right.>>> *>>>
P: Number 3 engine missing..>>>
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search>>> *>>>
P: Aircraft handles funny.>>>
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.>>> *
P: Target radar hums.>>>
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.>>> *>>>
P: Mouse in cockpit.>>>
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.>
@edgarblythe,
I'm familiar with this back and forth between pilots and maintenance.
You'd think the pilots, if they had a maintenance concern by now would be a bit more specific about their complaint so they wouldn't leave themselves open to this kind of very funny retort.
For some reason, this one struck me as very funny!
Quote:P: Target radar hums.>>>
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.>>> *>>>
A Pennsylvania woman has been cited for harassment after her son told police she cleaned the bathroom with his toothbrush, then returned it to its holder.
A family in Colorado will never again have to worry about the call of nature on the road after designing a twin-bowl toilet car.
A man sporting horns (created with Teflon implants), tattooed eyebrows and earlobe implants has allegedly attempted to run over his landlord. Heavy metal fan Jesse Thornhill, of Tulsa, Oklahoma, was arrested and spent the night in jail before being released on bail.
And finally....
A bearded Pennnsylvania man robbed a bank with a toy gun while wearing a woman’s blonde wig, fake breasts under a sweater and clown trousers, police said. Dennis Hawkins, 48, was arrested sitting in a car in a nearby car park, covered in red dye from an exploding packet in a bag of money.
@littlek,
Speaking of starwars.
Darth Vader, in a full head mask and cape, made off with an undetermined amount of cash from a bank in Long Island, New York. The only part of the uniform that was out of place were his camouflage pants. And a handgun — no light sabre.
@DrewDad,
Love it. She had me the moment somebody held up the nose.
@DrewDad,
That was absolutefreakinglutely incredible
DD!
Somebody is playing with the atmosphere this morning. I could not get my news show to come in on Channel eleven and then my car radio program was invaded by a competing station. What is going on out there?
Sirius the dog is the brightest star in the sky at this time of the year and the ancients so named this time the dog days of summer.
August bees the wurstest month out of the year, in our part of the country. The only respit from extreme heat is the occasional hurricane.
all sorts of disturbing, that!
@littlek,
Just plain wrong. One of my ex brother in laws had a taxidermy deer's tail end, which he hung in the living room. Very humorous, so he thought.
@littlek,
I learned about it on NPR's
Wait Wait Don't Tell Me.
I'm glad I don't drink beer. So if someone managed to buy me one as a gift (highly unlikely) then I can't hurt that person's feelings when I don't drink the beer in the bottle.
