My child knows not to do that ---- or so I thought

@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

and then david secretly lured the boy into the men's bathroom.....

No, no -- he used the money to try to entice me in there, but I fled and I defended my chastity !!!

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

Oh poor David, another child after his charm and devilishly good looks.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

Well true more than a few minutes at 11.

It certainly depends where you are at the time. For example in our neighborhood, the kids are out of sight as long as they are together or with their friends. However, if I were in a crowded amusement park, they would be within sight or reasonable away (such as I am going to go on this ride while you wait) - but this rule is also in place for my husband.

The idea is to slowly give them independence as they show they are able to handle -more important is the maturity of the child than the actual age.

When I was 5, I dropped out of Kindergarten.
Little did I know that the First Grade was lurking in my future.

To abide my complaints against the NYC school system,
my parents enrolled me into a Catholic School for First Grade,
maybe 12 blocks away, by foot. I remember an occasion at age 6
when our class was required to support a remote fund raising event
(our parents were in on it; obviously thay were the intended source
of the funds to be raised). We probably were driven in a schoolbus
from the school, to that event place (maybe a different Catholic School)
for a "BAzzarre" involving games of chance.
I remember losing those games of chance, so the funds got RAISED.
Boring -- not much fun for a few hours.

After the event, in late afternoon, we were all thrown out into the street.
I remember a sense of disquiet, as I lost my way trekking home.
I was completely 100% unarmed at the time,
and (except for knives) for the next 2 years that I remained in NY.

I had never been there before. So far as I coud see, NO ONE
was interested in our personal security, as I strove to find my way home
thru the unfamiliar streets of NY. On that day, I did not even have a defensive knife with me.

I shoud have had those nuns impeached !

David

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

Oh poor David, another child after his charm and devilishly good looks.

Well, since then, I 've put extra locks on my chastity belt.

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@Linkat,

Yes, he did have an APPOINTMENT - anytime between nine and five that day - I figured it was 9:00 and sesame street was on during Christmas vacation - it was safe for me to take a shower - think again MOM! Apparently APPOINTMENT sounds like a very official and important word to a six year old.

The tissue on the woodstove thing was a hoot too - it was smoldering and blackening around the edges as I found it and I said, 'I TOLD you never to touch the woodstove,' and my son responds, 'We didn't even HAVE to touch it - we could just throw the tissues on it and watch them burn!' FUN, FUN, FUN!

But I was a mischievous kid myself. My kids have never done anything I haven't thought of doing. In a lot of ways I've spoiled all their fun - they know all my stories with their aunt and they know they could never outdo us. I mean, we were a couple of nuts - it's a wonder we're still here to tell the stories.

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@Linkat,

However, if I were in a crowded amusement park, they would be within sight or reasonable away (such as I am going to go on this ride while you wait) - but this rule is also in place for my husband.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That is a good idea, but still one can get lost and loose contact. It is easier today when people have mobil phones and can call.
I think first you ask people to wait "right here" but before you go to an amusement park or any other place make up where you meet in case you get lost from one another.
Don´t scare the hell out of your kids about speaking to strangers. They might even help you. Ask them to ask for help by police (was possible in days when they still walked around), ask a mother with children, walk into a store and ask for help. You have to teach your children where to get help and where not.
My cousin and I travelled alone back and forth between Denmark and Sweden. He came to us and I visited him. Had to take a train, change to a ferry and take another train. We were around 9-11 years old at that time.
Not all trains went on the ferry.
What scared me most of all was going thru passport control and customs.
I can still remember the way one of them tried to hide a smile when I almost in tears told him "I don´t smuggle"

1 Reply

@Linkat,

OK, your topic is acceptance of gifts from strangers.
How about the next half-step:
Casual conversation with strangers?

Most of the time when I go out alone,
I just mind my own business and I don 't talk to strangers
without a good and specific reason, e.g. once in Las Vegas,
in a public place, I saw some money (several bills together)
silently fall to the floor from a young lady in a group,
apparently another tourist.

To rescue her from potential distres$$ upon discovering her lo$$,
I took it, chased her and gave it to her, telling her that she 'd dropped it.
She proved willing to accept it, even tho I was a stranger,
but most of the time I don 't talk to anyone. On seldom occasions,
I have had strangers talk to ME. This class of loquacious strangers
is not bounded by age; over the years & decades, on seldom occasions,
people of both genders and of all ages have opened conversations
with me in public places. I am not rude; I am not a snob.
Regardless of age or of gender, including children, middle aged and the elderly,
if someone asks me a question or makes an assertion to me, I freely answer if I deem it appropriate.

Most commonly, of course, this arises in a context of asking travel directions.
As both a child and as an adult, I 've asked for directions
and I 've been asked for directions by people of all ages.

So, next after the question of acceptance or rejection of gifts
from stangers, how about speaking to strangers ?

David

1 Reply

@saab,

I've done most of what you stated, although I appreciate the thoughts, I think I have enough smarts and know my children better than you to know what works best with them.

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@OmSigDAVID,

The children can speak or accept gifts from people they don't know - but after they check with mommy. Of course as they mature and age, appropriate limitations occur.

I think my big concern over this - was I have spoken with them and even when out and about have used this rule. For example, we were walking by a kids' store and they were handing out stickers to the kids. I said it was ok, but because I said it was ok. Or some sweet lady asks my girls a question - I say you can answer to them, because mommy says you can.

And then work with them in making judgements. For example, if you are lost, this is the person or type of person you should seek out - or situations where it is appropriate to talk with some one they don't know.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

That´s it....children are so different and what works wonder with one does not work at all with another one.
Even though we mothers know our children best and know how to cooperate with them - everybody else seem to know even better what to do.
I really did not want to interfear with your upbringing - I really only meant it generally and not for you only.

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@saab,

I didn't take it that way. You are completely correct and even with my two children - I deal with them differently because they are different people and what works with one will not work with the other necessarily.

Most of this advice (mine included) is general and always needs to be tweaked a bit for your child and lifestyle and morals.

Like the touching of the stove - seems the rule needs to be tweaked for overly clever children who know how to follow the rule, but still be naughty.

1 Reply

There are two things you can never tell a person how to do: how to spend their money and how to raise their kids.

Just wish they popped out with an instruction manual. Laughing

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@Bella Dea,

One of the big problems with people giving advice on how to raise your children - is the inconsistentcy of the advice.

Your being too strict (i.e. when you scold your child to not scream in the store).
Can't you control your child (i.e. when same child is screaming in the same store).

So if you try to stop them you are some mean old monster not allowing your child to express themself and when they grow up they will be scarred for life. If you don't tell them to shut the h*ll up then you do not disclipine your child and when they grow up they will be a serial killer.

Usually this advice comes from a 20 year old college student who thinks they know everything about child raising by of course babysitting a couple of times. Or some old biddy that is senile and only leaves their assistant living facilities to be among people under the age of 70 when shopping.

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@Linkat,

When my daughter was 2-3 years old she always wanted to reach up and pull pots and pans on the stove. No matter what I told her - she always tried.
I certainly did not want her to get boiling things in her face or arms.
One day I took a pot filled it with very cold water. Put it on the stove so she could reach it. At the moment she got hold of it - I nasty mother tipped the cold water over her.
She started to cry of course - the chock.
I took her in my arms and comforted her put on dry cloth - all that what you are supposed to do.
Not one word about she should not have touched the pot.
That was the last time she reached out for a pot on the stove.

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@Bella Dea,

Quote:

how to spend their money and how to raise their kids.

Just wish they popped out with an instruction manual.

I know where kids pop out from, but money?

1 Reply

@ebrown p,

well your a man that's why you don't know where money pops out from

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@saab,

saab wrote:

That´s it....children are so different and what works wonder with one does not work at all with another one.
Even though we mothers know our children best and know how to cooperate with them -
everybody else seem to know even better what to do.
I really did not want to interfear with your upbringing - I really only meant it generally and not for you only.

Are u a female? I had assumed the opposite all of theses years.
So that is Y u r anti-gun!!

Anyway, its not so much that:
"children are so different
and what works wonder with one does not work at all with another one" as it is
that PEOPLE of every age
"are so different
and what works wonder with one does not work at all with another one"
at all ages of each individual 's life.

David

1 Reply

@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

The children can speak or accept gifts from people they don't know - but after they check with mommy.
Of course as they mature and age, appropriate limitations occur.

I think my big concern over this - was I have spoken with them and even when out and about have used this rule. For example, we were walking by a kids' store and they were handing out stickers to the kids. I said it was ok, but because I said it was ok. Or some sweet lady asks my girls a question - I say you can answer to them, because mommy says you can.

And then work with them in making judgements. For example, if you are lost, this is the person or type of person you should seek out - or situations where it is appropriate to talk with some one they don't know.

Maybe I had some trouble relating to this
because from age 8 to 13, I was alone almost all the time,
going to school n back alone and before age 8 my mother needed
to remain at home and father was away working when I was out
doing whatever I had to do, so in my experience walking with my mom
did not happen much, that I have trouble relating my mind to it.

In the scenario that I mentioned before,
wherein a tourist girl in Las Vegas unknowingly drops her money
on the floor, if a stranger rushes up and gives it back to her,
woud u advise your daughter to accept or to reject it from the stranger ?

Have u discussed that possibility with your daughter ?

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

of course she would take it and say thank you - that is not the same as accepting a gift - you also remember you cannot address every possible situation that could occur. That is why you explain why and give independence as the child show they are ready for it.

Maybe you showed you were ready for independence at an early age. To be honest my daughters don't seek out huge amounts of independence. Maybe because they are girls or maybe they are just more cautious than other children.

2 Replies

@OmSigDAVID,

It is so funny, when I write somthing I often is taken for a man and a return letter will be for Mr.
My grandfather was a great hunter, my uncle, then my two aunts both hunters and good horseback riders. My father was good hunter, but did not like it very much. He has his little brother bothe thought that horseback riding was more for girls and so was hunting as the two big sisters were so good at it that the two brothers could hardly keep up with them.
Many of my father´s friends were hunters and I know many too. I have nothing against hunters, but weapons in the hands of what I call amatuers.

1 Reply

My child knows not to do that ---- or so I thought

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