My child knows not to do that ---- or so I thought

I think there's too much fear-mongering going on these days. Yes, children get kidnapped. However, it's not as pervasive as fear-mongerers would have us believe.

The seven of us kids used to run around all over the city as youngsters and my mother had no idea where we were - ever. We used to bus by ourselves to Stanley Park every day in the summers - the eldest was 10 an the youngest was 2. The park and beaches were filled with kids running around on their own in those days. None of us got kidnapped or hurt or poisoned or anything.

I never told my kids not to talk to strangers because I do it all the time and don't see anything wrong with it - it's a good way for them to learn how to judge people (nice, not nice)... but they did know not to eat anything they were given by someone they didn't know. I don't think there's anything wrong with people giving kids stuff (some people are just generous) and if the parent is there, yes, of course, ask their permission first.

When you instill fear, the kid loses some of their innocence and trust. There are ways to be sensible about safety issues without having that happen.

I like Deb's concentric circle thing, too - very easy to understand. And she made some very good points. I'm going to pass the circle idea on to my daughter when the time comes for her to talk to her daughters. Thanks.

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@aidan,

I love that - so did that guy really have an appointment? He must have liked your outfit and they way you greeted him!

I once watched a show where they had kids in aroom and there was a gun (unloaded of course) - all parents were watching on a TV outside this room. They all said their children knew not to touch a gun. The parents watched with shock as almost all children picked up the gun without hesitation - some even pointing at each it other.

They also did another circumstances where the kids were at home alone - there was a hidden camera and some one would come to the door. Like your example, almost all the kids opened the door.

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Where we lived when our daughter was a baby, we left the babyprams outside when going shopping in the tiny little store. Nobody gave it second thought.
Once I heard her cry and came out and two drunk bums where standing there carefully shaking the pram and singing - not very well for her. She did not cry because of them, but she was hungry.
I just gave them a smile and the one said "It´s not easy for a baby to be outside and the milk is walking around in the store"
It hardly ever happened that she cried, but it did happen another time and I left the store to look after her and there was a grandmother almost hitting me with her handbag because she was crying.
The moral of the story: bums can be nice people - grandmothers nasty.

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@ebrown p,

No it's not the same thing. I can have my back turned to my child, looking at something but she can see me. That is much differnt than me being turned around looking at her.

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@ehBeth,

But there are bad people "out there" that will hurt you. Which is the precise reason kids shouldn't take candy or go with anyone they don't know. I don't care if I know them or not. If SHE doesn't know them, she shouldn't be going with them. Plain and simple.
It would be a rare circumstance where NO ONE my child knew could pick her up in the event that her dad and I (and grandparents, and uncles and aunts) died.

And this conversation isn't about close family members or people you know. That's a whole other conversation.

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@Bella Dea,

Some of this too depends upon their age - a 3 year old - you need to watch them constantly. An 11 year old is allowed to be out of sight for a few minutes and a 7 year old some where in between. You need to slowly give them their independence.

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@saab,

Until the drunks accidently turn around and knock over the pram or puke on the baby.

Grandma then doesn't look so nasty

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@Linkat,

Yes, I agree.

But I don't think that there is too much fear mongering today. Kids are fearless today and that is just simply unsafe.

Maybe you all live in quaint, cozy towns but around me, bad things happen. A lot. So perhaps I'm a little jaded.

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@Bella Dea,

Yes they happen around me too and in the safety of your own home - like the sex offender that broke into a woman with a young daughter home.

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@Linkat,

Or the uncle that raped his daughter for 10 years.

I know it isn't always strangers but like I said that is a whole other conversation. I guess I was born cynical. I don't trust people right from the get go. You have to earn it.

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@Bella Dea,

Agreed - you have the conversation around "people you don't know" and how to act around them and also about the inappropriate touching conversation. I also agree that I hate these conversations and they do take just a little bit of innocence away - but it is better than the alternative - children need to know how to protect themselves.

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@Linkat,

They were not that drunk that they would have fallen over the pram.
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An 11 year old is allowed to be out of sight for a few minutes and a 7 year old some where in between. You need to slowly give them their independence.
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It certainly depends on where you live, but an 11 year old certainly can be out of sight for more than a few minutes. By the time they are eleven years old they should be able to walk or bike to school on their own or walk to the bus. They should be able to walk or bike to their friends or whatever activities they have in the afternoon. If at 11 you can´t do that you are overprotected.
A 7 year old also can walk to school or the school bus and to friends who live close by.
I see all the kids walking to school, schoolbuss or public transportations even the little 7 year olds. The wintermornings here are pitch dark.

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

I wasn't far but not within reach - within sight of course. That may be true about feeling safe as I was there.

And we have done some role playing. Other things I have done as role play, when we are in a store, I'll ask her to point out who she would go to if she was lost from me.

It is just one of those things - I've done what is suggested and she still accepted it. I don't try to frighten her of everyone - I was say that most people are nice, just you can't tell by looking at them if they are nice or not so to be safe if you do not know them, then consider them a stranger.

Once, I was touring a small museum in Manhattan.
There was a family (parents and a little boy about 10 years old).
Parents were about ten feet away from the boy, looking at him.
He was wearing a hooded coat, with his hood hanging behind his head -- effectively, a scoop.
I approached him from behind and I quietly snuck some dollar bills into his hood.
It was a kind of a joke, in that when he puts on the hood,
over his head, the cash will fall on him.
His mother winked at me, with a kind of a smile.

David

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@saab,

I hope you are realizing I am making fun..

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@OmSigDAVID,

and then david secretly lured the boy into the men's bathroom.....

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@saab,

saab wrote:

It certainly depends on where you live, but an 11 year old certainly can be out of sight for more than a few minutes. By the time they are eleven years old they should be able to walk or bike to school on their own or walk to the bus. They should be able to walk or bike to their friends or whatever activities they have in the afternoon. If at 11 you can´t do that you are overprotected.
A 7 year old also can walk to school or the school bus and to friends who live close by.
I see all the kids walking to school, schoolbuss or public transportations even the little 7 year olds. The wintermornings here are pitch dark.

That sounds very much like the way it was when, and where I grew up.

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@roger,

That is the way things are right now in Cambridge Massachusetts (which is a city that is attached to Boston). I guess I never realized how good we have it here.

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@roger,

Quote:

That sounds very much like the way it was when, and where I grew up

I was riding my bike a mile to the store for my mom with I was 7. My own kids could play anywhere on our street if I could walk out my front door and see them when they were seven. Getting a few minutes out of mom's sight when they are 11 as linkat's kids get qualifies in extreme over protectiveness in my books.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

Some of this too depends upon their age - a 3 year old - you need to watch them constantly.
An 11 year old is allowed to be out of sight for a few minutes and
a 7 year old some where in between. You need to slowly give them their independence.

When I was 5, I was REQUIRED
to walk alone to kindergarten in a NYC public school ( P.S. 95 in Queens )
and home again, a distance of about 8 blocks. My classmates were too.

David

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@hawkeye10,

Well true more than a few minutes at 11.

It certainly depends where you are at the time. For example in our neighborhood, the kids are out of sight as long as they are together or with their friends. However, if I were in a crowded amusement park, they would be within sight or reasonable away (such as I am going to go on this ride while you wait) - but this rule is also in place for my husband.

The idea is to slowly give them independence as they show they are able to handle -more important is the maturity of the child than the actual age.

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My child knows not to do that ---- or so I thought

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